Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Pondering Men

I can forgive a lot of stuff. And for most people, forgiving the is not a big deal. I have done my best to remain friendly with my exes, not that there are that many, but there is one, who just seems to be constantly on my cranky side.
I suppose I should blame myself for not following my original instincts and remaining uninterested in him. But when we started hanging out and we got along well, I started to question myself. I neglected my rule about not dating men I work with, and chose, after six years of him chasing me, to give it a try.
I have never felt so neglected in my life. Well, at least not by a man. I will admit that things went too fast, but he put a stop to that and I respected his decision. After two months of long hugs goodnight, I started wondering what was going through his head. I requested that he stay with me after I saw a really scary movie, and he did, which was nice, but I can say that he is the only man who has spent twelve hours in bed with me and not tried anything. ANYTHING!
I let him know that I was interested in spending as much time with him as he was willing to spend with me. He told me he didn't know what he wanted so I backed off.
But I realized that spending time with him made me miserable. We bickered like I have never bickered with anyone before. He often made me feel stupid and inadequate. So, I decided that he just wasn't interested in me. And that we are not compatible. You wouldn't believe how much better this made me feel.
About a month after I stopped trying, he called me up to hang out. Still considering myself his friend, I went. His excuse for not calling or stopping by at work was that he "had been hiding". This is not an excuse in my world.
I suppose that evening I wasn't as friendly as I could have been. And he's smart, he hasn't called again. But I still see him at work. And I am definitely cranky at him. I try to be nice, but I don't feel very nice towards him. It doesn't help that he calls into question my ability to properly do my job. No one else does. (back to that feeling stupid thing).
So I guess I can forgive someone for breaking my heart, but not for making me feel stupid and ignoring me. Interesting.
Don't date where you work. Trust me.

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