Ahh

I was just reading about the Blogger awards and I must say that although I would like to hope for a nomination by someone other than myself next year, (I didn't really start blogging until this year) based on the number of coments I have received so far, I think I will continue to write into anonymity.

In the meantime, I will continue to spout my observations on the world. Because, as I just reminded myself, I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it because I should be working.

This weekend was fun and busy, a lot of friends, a little bit of drinking. I still don't like champange, and I cannot bear wine. Actually, I was preferring soda over booze. Maybe Tom is right, maybe I am getting old. Perhaps I am boring too, which would explain why Mr Right Now falls asleep all the time when we are together. This is a mental complex I don't need. It was nice seeing him, however briefly, Friday night.

My friend Tom was in town on leave from the Army. Tom is my opposite in so many ways, it is amazing that we have remained friends these ten years. For all that I believe in the good in everyone and the world and have hope for a bright future, he believes that everything (especially himself) is essentially evil and insists that I may never see him alive again after he heads off to the middle east this spring, or, at the very least, he may come back without a few limbs. But at the very least, he would like me to knit him a scarf and send lots of goodies. And he told some sex stories that sent me into the fetal position, rocking and trying to think happy thoughts.

I got a haircut, and I am enjoying it, except that during the time when most girls were learning about makeup and how to handle a hairdryer, I was out catching toads and roaming wildly through the hills where I lived. As lifelong tom boy, I think it makes sense that I am finally exploring my feminine side by knitting and cooking, I wish I was as good with a hair dryer as I am with an oven. Perhaps I will try sticking my head in the oven tomorrow morning to see how my hair comes out. Dry heat, right?

a thought on reunions

I used to think that when it was time for your ten year reunion, you were old. but with mine rapidly approaching, I don't feel old...

I suprised myself today when I went to Classmates.com to spy on my former classmates to find that one of them has started a career doing something I love to do. And I was angry. It seems that I didn't like this person as much as I though I did. Why am I being catty? why am I not proud of her for doing what she loves? There's plenty of room for both of us in this world to do what we love and be appriciated for it.
And why, nearly 10 years since I have seen this person, do I still feel jealous of her?
One thing I can say in my defense, is that the one girl I couldn't stand back then, SM, I wanted to know what she was doing so that I could be happy for her. It's as though as I have grown, this woman who was voted best dressed, and was a cheerleader, who I used to say that I hated, has become someone I want to see succeed. We were actually friendly towards each other the last time I saw her, and that made me happy. I wanted to sit down to coffee with her and tell her how I used to talk about her behind her back (as she did me, don't worry) and ask her forgiveness. But she didn't have as much stuff available for me to see.
What can I do to change my attitude toward the first woman before I will see her in June? So that I can say, Wow, you do that? I do that too, lets trade secrets and be friends.
Perhaps I expect too much out of myself...

a transfer post from an old blog

On a blog now deleted I discussed how Queer Eye for the Strait Guy might be a communist plot bent on the pussification of American men. And I am still anti Queer Eye. My ex used to watch it all the time and I would always wonder why these men went through so much trouble to change themselves for the women in thier lives. I want to be with someone who I appriciate for who he is, not who he could be if he got in touch with his more feminine side and started wearing trendy clothes.
But now I am torn. Here is why.
While watching "Troy" (well, trying to anyway) with a bunch of friends, I mentioned that I have a thing for pretty boys. Not feminine, but attractive men are, well, attractive! My friend Jason pointed out that this could be why I always end up with the Metros. Oops. Now, I will admit that I also tend to like men who work with thier hands, carpenders, electricians, ect. I dated one guy who, in these loosely defined times could have been called a metro, since he dressed better than I and had an obsession with shoes but he could build anything. Course, he also had a coke habit so...
Here's where this is going, could it actually be ok that men are finding thier feminine sides? I would hardly call Mr Right Now feminine, but he admitted to liking Pedicures. (I almost fell over but then I got over it) Maybe, just as I strive to be in touch with my masculine side, (I really am "one of the boys" but with boobs) I need to start appriciating that the men I date are in touch with thier feminine sides. These are the men who won't complain that I spend money on my nails and my feet, but rather will be in the spa chair right next to me getting a pedicure too.
So my new line is drawn, not at the feet, but at the face. I don't think Men should be wearing makeup. I have heard nasty rumors that this is the latest trend in Metrosexuality. I don't like it. Will I get used to it or change my tune if Mr Right Now shows up in eyeshadow? I don't know. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Again!!

I know I need to not let that guy get under my skin, but he does! I am beginning to think that it is not because he snubbed me but because he's an ass. I REALLY don't like saying that about people, but I just get so defensive and cranky around him that I cannot even believe I considered a relationship with him! Just another reminder, that not only should I not date where I work, but also to trust my first instincts, which were, for 6 years, yeah, he's attractive, but I am not interested.
So much better to have a friend thank to get involved and find out that friend drives you nuts!!

Whoa!

I don't think I have mentioned that I am seeing someone, and he's very nice. Maybe I have, but this one has to do him (sort of) and with the awkward feeling that happens when someone old finds out about someone knew.
I have already been through the drama of my most recent ex finding out, he knows because I told him (he asked what was new and wouldn't take nothing for an answer!!) He ended out friendship because he cannot stand the idea of me being with someone else. Long story for another day, I think.
But then there is the boy at work. No one knew we were dating, although my boss gave me a hard time about it. But he FINDS reasons to tease me, so I hid it well under joking guise. BUT he has been all over the fact that I saw the new man this weekend and oh what were we doing and all that. Since the bonehead boy was in my office while all this teasing was going on, I do believe he knows there is someone new. Which is good because he needs to knwo that I wasn't waiting around for him to decide whether he wanted to date me, but bad because he had to find out that way.
But then, I tell myself, why do I owe him the courtesy of anything? This is not me beign bitter, but realistic. He would have allowed me to keep calling, and strung me along for who knows how long while he tried to decide what he wants out of life. At least the new man, while he may not know whathe wants to do with his life (if he does, he has not shaed it with me) but he is very vocal that he thinks I'm wonderful! Hell, chuck the rest of the list, that's enough for me! (ok, keep the parts of the list about not doing drugs or having major addiction problems)

Prejudice

All day long I have been trying to decide what I should post. and it came to me in an interesting way.
This morning I had an email in my box from a coworker that I know by sight only. it was blank. Without thinking, I fired off a smart ass remark about bragging. He's an assistant manager, while I am a supervisor. what followed, was a day long tease and banter session about ourselves and our jobs, which had us both laughing all day.
It seems we both had an outside view if each other that was false. He saw me as non-mistake prone (this was in repsonse to my comments about being exceptionally clumsy) and I saw him as very serious and almost anti social. (I didn't tell him about the anti social part)
So it seems that we both judged each other, although we have never officially met, based on the few times we have passed each other in the halls or attended the same meetings.
How many other potential friends have I missed out on because I judged them or thought they wouldn't like me? I think I need to reconsider my impressions of people. I might be losing a lot of chances for a lot of laughter.

Pondering Men

I can forgive a lot of stuff. And for most people, forgiving the is not a big deal. I have done my best to remain friendly with my exes, not that there are that many, but there is one, who just seems to be constantly on my cranky side.
I suppose I should blame myself for not following my original instincts and remaining uninterested in him. But when we started hanging out and we got along well, I started to question myself. I neglected my rule about not dating men I work with, and chose, after six years of him chasing me, to give it a try.
I have never felt so neglected in my life. Well, at least not by a man. I will admit that things went too fast, but he put a stop to that and I respected his decision. After two months of long hugs goodnight, I started wondering what was going through his head. I requested that he stay with me after I saw a really scary movie, and he did, which was nice, but I can say that he is the only man who has spent twelve hours in bed with me and not tried anything. ANYTHING!
I let him know that I was interested in spending as much time with him as he was willing to spend with me. He told me he didn't know what he wanted so I backed off.
But I realized that spending time with him made me miserable. We bickered like I have never bickered with anyone before. He often made me feel stupid and inadequate. So, I decided that he just wasn't interested in me. And that we are not compatible. You wouldn't believe how much better this made me feel.
About a month after I stopped trying, he called me up to hang out. Still considering myself his friend, I went. His excuse for not calling or stopping by at work was that he "had been hiding". This is not an excuse in my world.
I suppose that evening I wasn't as friendly as I could have been. And he's smart, he hasn't called again. But I still see him at work. And I am definitely cranky at him. I try to be nice, but I don't feel very nice towards him. It doesn't help that he calls into question my ability to properly do my job. No one else does. (back to that feeling stupid thing).
So I guess I can forgive someone for breaking my heart, but not for making me feel stupid and ignoring me. Interesting.
Don't date where you work. Trust me.

Where to begin?

Perhaps I have started a Blog because so many of my friends have one. Perhaps I like to think someone might read it. considering I created this blog so long ago that I forgot where I put it, it must not be a major priority.

But today, as I was driving about on the golf course, feeling like I was on a photo safari, (doesn't the driver always get eaten??) I thought, I should share this experience. with whomever might read it, because every one of my days is such a gift, and even though my stories may not always be scandelous or dangerous, they are mine. And sometimes I just have to brag that I work in one of the most beautiful valleys on the earth. I'm not into golf, but the green grass, and the creek running, took my breath away. and when we got to the top of the hill above the 18th green, where sometimes they find mountain lion tracks, and we looked out upon the resort where I work, I felt a contentment that only comes when you love your job.

I have a good time. I'm random, I'm wacky, sometimes I'm downright strange. I hope you enjoy my ramblings. For me, it's the little things in life that make the biggest difference.