Saturday, May 03, 2008

Call back to a previous Twitter

A couple of days ago, I tweeted vaguely about something that happened at work.

A coworker asked, who meets people on the internet. I replied that I met the guy I am dating on the internet.

He wanted to know his name so I told him.

Turns out he knows the Cowboy, as he used to come into his work and try and sell them parts (Cowboy is an outside parts salesman for a large truck company). Coworker never bought anything because they got all their parts from the competition, who is cheaper and has better service.

My coworker didn't really say much. I got the idea that he didn't much care for the Cowboy, and it bothered me.

I mentioned the conversation to Cowboy who remembered my coworker and seemed to be happy that he had a good job. I didn't mention the part of the story where I wasn't sure that my coworker liked him, only that he had wanted to order, but couldn't due to cost.

And still it bothered me.

I realized that I have been frequently plagued by my friends' and sometimes my family's disapproval of whomever I happened to be dating. They didn't always say so at the time, usually, it was always after the fact, "Oh, I didn't like him" or "I wasn't really sure what you were doing with that guy". "Are you sure he isn't gay?" and once, a "That guy??" (that was from an ex turned friend. our breakup was new and "that guy" was the first guy I dated after)

It is human nature to want our "tribe" to approve of the person we choose to spend our time with. In the absence of my family, my coworkers and the Roller Girls are all I have. I know that Poo likes the Cowboy, but I also know that he doesn't believe it's a lasting situation. Frankly, I don't know if it is either, but that's between Cowboy and I. He is the first guy I have gone on more than one date with that hasn't met my mother and at least one sibling.

These are the people in my world. Although I was accustomed to the people I met knowing somehow the people I knew (San Diego is kinda small that way) I have not encountered it here. Until now. I didn't like it and I felt insecure and I realized;

That mine is the only opinion that really matters.

My coworker may or may not like him, but what does that have to do with anything? My Derby Wife's boyfriend definately doesn't understand why I am okay with the status of things (he also keeps trying to find ways to introduce me to his friends), but who is he to say what is right for me at any given moment? He's a good guy, but he and DW have their issues too. And he had never seen us together; it seems to work for us right now. My Seester's silence every time Cowboy's name comes up speaks dictionaries. But I know where she is coming from. I understand. At least it's someone tangible now. At least it isn't T.

All I can say is that my eyes are wide open and my heart shut tight.

Which is how I choose to be as I spend my time with a man who isn't ready to have "a hook set in" him, but calls me almost every day.


rebturtle said...

Whatever, you're a grownup (at least in the legal sense) now. I'm happy for you as long as you are happy. Some guys like to get caught up in the semantics & terminologies, but that's all it really is. If you're that close, then you're "going steady." If you live together for a couple years and share finances & general life decisions, you're basically married. People can call it whatever they want. What matters is that you're happy.

You can't please all the people all the time, either. I'm positive that there are some people who don't like me (Although I can't imagine why!!!), even if we share mutual friends. Does it change the way I or any of my friends live? I hope not. I make no apologies for who I am. Sometimes I screw up and I'm more than willing to apologize for what I do, but never who I am. There are good people that I don't like, too. Take Hillary Clinton, for exa- never mind. Very bad example. I hate her and she's a bad person!

Chickie said...

Your boat is the only one you have to float! Sometimes Mr. Right Now is fine. He doesn't have to be Mr. Right Away.