Curiously silent

I know I have not answered comments regarding the Cowboy. And the reason is that the truth hurts and I am not behaving the way you think I should. Apparently I just have not learned my lesson and I will continue being an idiot until I'm either completely miserable and heartbroken, or I grow some balls. I'll let you know how the chapter ends. I hereby promise not to post any pictures of my sobbing face because it is-not-pretty. and no one needs to see that. truly, I'd rather show you my nakid butt which, despite the fact I appear to still be allergic to my pants, it is far more attractive than my weepy face.

I cancelled my personals subscription oh, about 30 seconds ago. I thought, when I first considered cancelling, that I was going to give "met someone" as a reason.(I was really excited about that) But since I don't really know which way things are going to go (ok, I have a pretty good idea, but remember, there is an optimist living in my head that simply will not die) I don't consider that a valid reason. I also don't feel like it is as good of a reason as whichever one I gave.

I'm glad this latest go around with the personal ads did not make me crazy and neurotic. I think it was a step in the right direction and certainly a smart move for someone looking to relocate. I feel a bit badly that there are inquiries I did not respond to. I just got tired of telling the 40 and 50 year olds I was not interested, and the younger ones that I have met someone. especially since over the last week(s?) I don't really feel like that is a good answer. But I did make a new friend, possibly two. Two, I think is hoping that it won't work out between Cowboy and I, which is flattering, but sad because I want Cowboy to realize that I am more than a roadie.

Truthfully, I am sinking back into the realms of "i'd rather be alone". it was a comfortable place where I didn't sit on the phone and I didn't hope to go out, and I didn't have a nagging voice arguing with the optimist and telling me what an idiot I am. again.

Limbo sucks. But for some reason I still won't do anything about it. what do you know. idiot.