pause, and begin.

there has been so much I have wanted to blog about over the last day or so, but I either didn't have time, or I wasn't anywhere near a computer.

Speaking of near a computer, Biker Bob's crapped out on him and now he's shopping laptops. which, of couse made me go, "Hey! I want one too!" It's a want, not a need, and that is a lot of what has kept me from REALLY looking into it over the last couple of days. That and the knowlage that buying a laptop is not economically reasonable at this time. Not that I don't have the credit, but, I would like to be able to quit Harbucks eventually. I love working there (although the sprained ankle makes it REALLY difficult to do my job) but I also miss the luxury of having time at my apartment. You know, the one that put me in the financial bind that forces me to work a second job. However, the indulgent voice in my head says that if I had a laptop, I could not only blog ANYWHERE, but I could better track my business sales when I am away from home. You know, instead of hand writing everything at craft fairs, I could enter it directly into the computer and give a nice looking receipt...oh wait, I would need a printer too...So really I only want one because I want to keep up with the Joneses or the Bob, in this case. I think I just talked myself out of it. Phew!

Went mini golfing last night. it was great! There was one fellow there that I did not introduce to Biker Bob because he never got close enough to me to do so and it was a bit awkward because I had only met him once before...And I feel bad, especially since I intorduced his date to Biker Bob, but I was standing right next to her at the time. And really, the guy? never spoke to me all evening anyway. I'm making excuses to justify my actions, but it isn't working. I see through my clever mind tricks.

Mind tricks. Biker Bob said something last night that bothered me. He said that the main objective is not to piss me off. And I thought, wow. I don't treat him very well if he has to walk on eggshells in order to maintain my affections. Here is why I think he feels this way. A couple of weeks ago, although I don't think I mentioned it here, I called the whole thing off. He had made a deal breaker move. This is one of those deal breakers that stems from a childhood issue, and something I REALLY need to get over because it's silly. I know that. But it happened after he did something else that caused me to tell him to stop, and, I made my choice. Obviously, we worked through it, with him admonishing me to communicate better, as he did not know I was that angry. Apprently this is a relationship problem I have since C told me the same thing. This does not mean that I am going to start throwing tantrums. not real ones anyway.
Anyhow, Biker Bob is now very careful not to do things he knows piss me off. And I think he is careful not to do anything he thinks might piss me off. And I am often bothered by the fact that I am so sensitive about things that he has to stifle himself in order to keep me around. It makes me feel like my mother. My mother has SO MANY RULES that she is difficult to approach, I think, for any man she happens to be dating.
So I think it very important to work hard to cut the poor guy some slack. and maybe, just maybe think about his feelings once in awhile. I've been so totally in the box lately that my actions and feelings are bound by it. It can't be good for Biker Bob. I know it isn't good for me. Maybe I can break this cycle of acting like my mother by being aware of it. Maybe I can get over some of those issues. I don't want to be one of those high maintenance women. High maintainance can be emotional maintenance, not just the money/presents kind.

the Mosque next door to Biker Bob's home burned down yesterday. They wondered if it was a hate crime, but although they get eggs thrown at them round about 9-11*, the fire department was unable to find any evidence that it was arson. I saw the news cameras when I arrived at Biker Bob's house last night, and smelled the funny smell in the air, but it took a couple of minutes for me to actually notice that the building was burned up. I felt VERY unobservant. I had not idea it was even a Mosque. I thought it was an abandoned office building because I never see anyone there and well, I've never noticed that it is open. Yup. in my own world over here.
*What I want to know is, why in the world would you want to throw eggs at a church? it is not the fault of Islam that there are extremists out there who will twist the words of Mohammed. There are psychos in every faith. and some of them have loud voices. Look at Jerry Fallawell. (sp?) if we truly believed that all Christians believed as he believes, there would be a much bigger uproar when he is caught being a bonehead. But no, the majority of Christians, like Muslims, simply want to practice thier faith in peace. Like anyone else.