What a day

I didn't sleep last night. I was worried that Tarzan would die and I would have to figure out what to do with her body. I dreamed of Roller Derby and kittens. Sounds great since I love both, but we have a bout in 1 week and I had a dying kitten on my hands.

I got up this morning and disturbed the kitty pile. Tarzan was at the bottom of it. Her jaw was slack, her eyes closed.

Then she opened them, lifted her head and looked at me.

I managed to get her to drink a couple of drops of water. She could hardly stand. She managed though, to fall off the counter and upset me further. She took a bit of some egg, but was too weak to do more than sink her teeth into it.

I took her to work with me. My plan was to nurse her through the day and take her to the vet when my shift was over. I wasn't sure she would make it to work, but I didn't feel as though I had a lot of choice. I have to work. I need the money and I can't afford the points. I just realized that if I missed today, I would have lost my job. There's a stress I don't need.

Thankfully, my supervisor knows better. He sent me to the vet. After talking to the Dr, I left her there with the plan of going back after work, hopefully to pick her up. She cried any time I put her down. The tests they took while I was there (it's true, you can tell a lot from poo)

When I returned, they told me that she was stable, and that she wasn't infectious. They took me into her room where she lay looking a lot like she did that morning. The vet intended to take her home to watch her over the weekend. She was unresponsive. I spent a few minutes petting her and left her in the care of the clinic.

The Dr called me personally to tell me she had passed. The necropsy came back undetermined. She had a lightly enlarged heart, which the vet attributed to her death. She said there wasn't really anything that could have been done. An enlarged heart does explain why she wasn't as active as her siblings, and why she constantly snuggling up to things. I like to think that she had a big heart, and a lot of love to give.

I gave her all of the snuggles and attention I could, carrying her in my lap while I drove, in my arms while I tried to work . I like to tell myself that I helped her have a good short life. As I sang her lullabies on the way to the vet, I thought that perhaps this kitty would be waiting for me when it comes time for me to cross someday. She was as mine as she will ever be anyones. I loved her. Who wouldn't?