Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Delving into the past

D sent me a text today. Not completely unusual, although I have been hearing from him more in the last week or so than I usually do in a year. No matter, the point is that he was wondering if I had any old pictures. 

Old pictures of him, and surprisingly, pictures of us together. It's been close enough to ten years since the end that I don't really remember how many years it's been. He's never asked for pictures. Of COURSE I told him I would dig, scan, and send.

I started digging in the usual spot. The flowery box where my pictures go to rest. So many photos. Friends, family, pageants, pets. Very few exes. Considering D and I were together for 5 years, I really expected more pictures of him. 

Suddenly, I felt strongly how little of a life we had together. A wedding we attended; he's not in a single picture. I remember now that he chose to wander outside instead of joining the festivities. Camping trips, ski trips, Vegas...nope.

Then I remembered the X Box. It was created for the very reason of cleaning D out of my intimate world. It's grown since then. Not in size but in contents. Tonight, I had to make a difficult journey into it. Difficult because D isn't the only ex in the box. The momentos are varied and sometimes strange. Letters between C and I. E's phone number, written on a gift card Stena gave me one year. Rocks, jewelry, a chunk of wood. The tiny flower on a pin that was on my plate my first date with T. Pictures. Lots of pictures. Mostly of D and of C. I pulled out the best of them (including a shot of me eating my first bowl of pho!) and a couple of other things, newspaper clippings he might like a copy of, his old business card from when we first started dating, his first headshot. Things that if I know D, he will want to see. 

It was a strange trip down memory lane. Upsetting at times (I should shred those letters but I can't) but I don't see harm in it as long as opening the box doesn't become a habit. It's not. I have no wish to go back. My life is different now and I really am enjoying the present. After finding the pictures, I still maintain that D and I lived very different lives and in our years together, we grew apart. I've never questioned that we make better friends. Like anyone in the box, we weren't a good match. Some were better than others, but all ended for a reason. It felt good to pack the box back up and put it back in my closet. 

Tonight, I shall dream sweet dreams of the future.


VickeyMichelle said...

Another reason why we are peas and carrots. You have the X Box and I have the X Files. ;)

Ginamonster said...


Anonymous said...

anonymous says "marry me" that way you can get rid of that darned X Box...[JK]
Those things are bad news. Just the thought of those things raises my blood pressure. You are a gorgeous woman and have no need for such things. I am sure the list of anxious suitors is extensive :)

Ginamonster said...

Anonymous, I've never been too keen on the idea of marrying a stranger.

The X Box will always be a part of my life. I have no interest in getting rid of it. The people in there were dear to me at some point (some still are) and I would not dishonor their memory by pretending like they never existed. I am not opposed, however, to the idea of sealing it up when and if I should marry.

As for my list of suitors, if the list is indeed long, as you suggest, they are both silent and invisible. Or perhaps visible yet still silent.

Anonymous said...

LOL :)