Little Purges

We all know that I tend to hold on for a very long time to past relationships and people who have moved out of my life. That I never stop caring, that I never stop wondering how they are doing even if the end caused me a lot of hurt. It's something I work on every time a memory pops into my head. To live in the now, to appreciate the memories but to move forward and not let memories, which can sometimes be skewed the way we want them to have been, stop me from growing as a person and inviting people into my life that share in my joys now, as opposed to people who I remember fondly from several years ago. I'm not talking about the people I haven't talked to in a couple of months because we are busy but can pick up anytime, I'm talking about the ones who didn't return my last communication or I didn't return theirs, because it was time for them to pass out of my life whether I wanted them to or not.

I happened across an old email. I know why I saved it, I just wasn't expecting it. When I read it again, it made me cry. And when I finished reading what might have been one of the most courageous correspondences I have ever composed, and the reply, I finally did the right thing. I hit delete.

Every time I read those old emails, I get hurt all over again. And that isn't healthy.

It's always possible that those people may return to my orbit. They are always welcome. Most people are in my life because I want them there. I rarely kick anyone out. But, I think I need to work on recognizing that relationships change. And the past belongs in the past. And ancient emails belong in the trash.