Monday, September 15, 2008

Trying to make sense of it all

Received my usual after work call from Louie. I wondered if I would. I am confused. I wonder if last night's kiss had anything to do with the horrid dragon breath I woke myself up with around 4 am. Good god, I thought something died in there.

I forgot to mention that my father called yesterday. It was kind of him to remember my birthday. he's actually been pretty good about that lately. I wasn't quite sure what to say. beyond "thank you". It wasn't that long ago that his gf called at 6:30 am so that I could hear them argue and then again. And then again at 7 to tell me all about what is going on between them before she hung up on me.

I'm not really sure what she expects me to do. If her accusations are true that he is strung out again, then I am certainly not sending money. Not that I really can. Or that I want to despite the guilt that I somehow "allow" him to live on the street. I know it isn't my fault, it's an ingrained guilt. I try to ignore it. Even if his only trouble outside of his lack of home or job is his lack of shoes, I tend to think he prefers to be without shoes. He is, after all, the king of the flip flop. Outside of weddings and funerals, I don't really recall him being in anything else. Except that his diabetes makes a lack of proper footwear a really poor decision.


At least she hung up before I had a chance to remind her that he chooses to be this way (yes, he does.) and that I have myself to care for, and that I can't very well buy him shoes in Reno or send him a gift certificate when I don't have an address for him.

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