Hate this part.

I went to the house today to meet the cable guy and to start cleaning over there. It wasn't bad, but needed a once over. I still need to vacuum. On the lighter side, as I was cleaning the cabinets in the kitchen, I found a jar of brown liquid. About 1/3 full. The label on the lid? Bourbon. Ray was shocked, I was tickled. He dumped it out. who knows how long it had been in there and I only drink Southern Comfort. The color was ll wrong for that.

Back at the apartment, things are overwhelming. I started getting Poo's room cleaned up and out-I bought his bed set from him and his bathroom still had stuff. I took all my cleaning supplies over to the house so I was stuck with comet ad vinegar. You can clean about anything with vinegar. I was amazed at how easily it cleaned the blood from the walls where his eczema left him cracked and bleeding. No, there wasn't that much. I just need to vacuum in there now.

Where to begin on the rest? It's a mess around here. a big, complicated mess. I have gathered more things over the last year than I should have. But I'll get it done. I always do.

I did take some time to relax too. Took a nap. read a book. blogged. Wish I could blog all the wonderful stories I have from the last couple weeks, but there really isn't time. I worry that they will be outdated when there is. I was even going to set them up on automatic. Oh well. Eventually.

Whirlwind HNT

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks.

My first derby bout went smashingly. I skated well, and have confidence that with work I can be even better.

Then it was off to Yosemite where I performed my second wedding ceremony at Glacier Point. It was a wonderful wedding, intimate and fun. But three days away when I felt like I needed to be home.

The rush of wedded bliss had me signed back onto Yahoo Personals as if it would be the answer to all of my troubles. I had a date planned for tonight with a a fellow who I first spoke to before I met Cowboy, before I moved. He's a little beyond my age range but I wanted to give it a try.

He had to cancel, but was apologetic. And I? wasn't really surprised. I've lost count of the cancellations, the disappointments. All I can figure is that the universe, for some reason, said, "not tonight dear".

Cable and internet will be set up in the new place on Saturday and I can start moving in, or should be able to, on Sunday. I know that packing is going to be a larger chore than I think it is and I haven't started.

I have another bout in a couple of weeks.

My knees hurt.

I've become easily irritated at practice.

I'm not sleeping properly.

It's gotta calm down soon.

Really?

So I was popping onto Yahoo to obsessively check my personals ad (because this is what I do. At least I have stopped getting my feelings hurt when guys don't respond to me.)

And I saw that George Carlin has died. I think I was just talking about that last week. Like, "Holy crap, what happens when George Carlin dies?"

And he did. Rest well, Sir, you were a classic.

And this is what I choose to do

So many neat things going on, so much of life is moving in exciting directions. I just spent the last couple of days in paradise.

What do I blog about?

I just put myself back on Yahoo Personals.

I didn't try very hard to make myself sound enticing. I only posted one picture. And honestly? looking at my matches? it's not looking good. Half of those guys were on there a year ago.

And while I was all fired up to get back out there and try again before I posted my profile, When it was done, I felt sad. Like maybe I was so excited about the wedding that I gained a false sense of reality regarding where my feelings and emotions are right now.

But, at the same time, I don't want to sit around hoping so and so will change his mind. He isn't going to. Life doesn't work that way. This isn't Hollywood, it's Reno. And I am a woman with a habit of choosing fixer uppers. You know, the ones that with time and patience have a lot of potential.

Sigh. Here's to new adventures.

Whatever happened to "I reserve the right"?

Let me please begin this post by saying that I believe that you should be able to marry who you choose (if you are both consenting adults). Who you love. As a minister, I would marry any couple that asked. BUT

Today I was listening to NPR and they had a story. A story that upset me very much.

Apparently, there is a business that is being sued for refusing to videotape a Lesbian wedding. The act of taping this wedding went directly against the religious beliefs of the owner of the company.

The couple in question won the lawsuit.

I think it's wrong. I think the photographer should have the right to POLITELY refuse to the service, just as I would refuse service to someone I thought was doing something morally wrong. How can the government, or anyone else for that matter, tell me that I CANNOT refuse to do business with someone? Suppose I knew someone was going to use my soap as an ingredient to bomb Cute Fuzzy Puppy and Kittyville? I can't let them do that! Oh wait, blowing stuff up is illegal. BUT I don't think I could marry a 12 year old to her 30 year old paramour, even if she had her parents permission. Because I think it's wrong. And according to that court's ruling, I can be sued for feeling that way.

The business is appealing the decision. I hope they win. In this, I have to side with the Christians.

I'm sure there are plenty of videographers who would LOVE to tape the wedding.

This may be a preemptive story

once upon a time there was a girl. And she met a boy. But the boy's heart was not available. So the girl waited.

One day, the boy decided that she should not wait anymore. That it wasn't fair, which is good because the girl had come to realize that if they boy really liked her, he would try harder.

The boy and girl decided to be friends. a few emails went by, a text message or two. An enjoyable phone call. The girl thought to herself that maybe, just maybe, this friendship thing would work even though she secretly hoped that the boy would miss her. (because that is what girls do)

Since she was a logical girl, she reminded herself not to be an idiot (again). But when the boy stopped responding to messages,it still hurt.

And the girl wondered why the boy would bother to tell her he valued her friendship if he was going to go away. And a little part of the girl knew that if he really did go away, it was better, and a little part hoped everything was ok. Because she didn't think he was that kind of boy.

not the end.

And the beat goes on...

Life continues to rush forward at alarming rates. The remaining kitties go back on Saturday, the same date as my first Roller Derby Bout. I'm a little nervous, but I also tend to do well in front of people. I don't know. Gotta try my best.

I found a home! One of my coworkers has a house he was looking to rent, and what do you know? it was just what I was looking for! There is an option to buy, I think I want to rent a little at first, but it came together so smoothly that I know that I made the right decision in taking it. My new rent will be lower than my current rent and THAT makes me a very happy little girl.

Meanwhile, Father's Day is on Sunday and I have no desire to contact him. That makes me a very sad panda. I really wish it wasn't this way, but, wishing doesn't fix the past and while I will always love Daddy, he has hurt me a lot. You know, though, as well as I do that I will send him an email. (I don't have his current phone number, if any) I was thinking that I should call my aunt and uncle and see what THEY are doing. I like spending these days with family.

Friday, a bunch of us are heading up to Tahoe to see my friend Dat. I'm pretty excited about it. It's been a long time since I have done something not Derby related.

Next week, after I return from Yosemite (I'm performing another wedding ceremony! I REALLY need to write those vows...) My Derby Wife and I are going to the Rodeo compliments of my friend and new Landlord. YAY!

Controlling my impulses

There are a couple of things I have been wanting to do since I got my job in the ginormous warehouse. One is to see how much speed I can get skating from one end to the other. I am thinking a lot. I'm thinking stopping might hurt.

The other is to see if I would fit in one of the column wrappers, so when one arrived today, I had to try it on. I'm trying to decide what the General Manager thought of that moment of silliness, since he walked by right then. My coworker went ahead and strapped me in, and my boss threatened to push me over.

By the way, I did fit, but it didn't close all the way. I think we could have forced it though.

It was just as much fun as riding the pallet wrapper, but a lot less dangerous.

What a day

I didn't sleep last night. I was worried that Tarzan would die and I would have to figure out what to do with her body. I dreamed of Roller Derby and kittens. Sounds great since I love both, but we have a bout in 1 week and I had a dying kitten on my hands.

I got up this morning and disturbed the kitty pile. Tarzan was at the bottom of it. Her jaw was slack, her eyes closed.

Then she opened them, lifted her head and looked at me.

I managed to get her to drink a couple of drops of water. She could hardly stand. She managed though, to fall off the counter and upset me further. She took a bit of some egg, but was too weak to do more than sink her teeth into it.

I took her to work with me. My plan was to nurse her through the day and take her to the vet when my shift was over. I wasn't sure she would make it to work, but I didn't feel as though I had a lot of choice. I have to work. I need the money and I can't afford the points. I just realized that if I missed today, I would have lost my job. There's a stress I don't need.

Thankfully, my supervisor knows better. He sent me to the vet. After talking to the Dr, I left her there with the plan of going back after work, hopefully to pick her up. She cried any time I put her down. The tests they took while I was there (it's true, you can tell a lot from poo)

When I returned, they told me that she was stable, and that she wasn't infectious. They took me into her room where she lay looking a lot like she did that morning. The vet intended to take her home to watch her over the weekend. She was unresponsive. I spent a few minutes petting her and left her in the care of the clinic.

The Dr called me personally to tell me she had passed. The necropsy came back undetermined. She had a lightly enlarged heart, which the vet attributed to her death. She said there wasn't really anything that could have been done. An enlarged heart does explain why she wasn't as active as her siblings, and why she constantly snuggling up to things. I like to think that she had a big heart, and a lot of love to give.

I gave her all of the snuggles and attention I could, carrying her in my lap while I drove, in my arms while I tried to work . I like to tell myself that I helped her have a good short life. As I sang her lullabies on the way to the vet, I thought that perhaps this kitty would be waiting for me when it comes time for me to cross someday. She was as mine as she will ever be anyones. I loved her. Who wouldn't?

Happy HNT fuzzy edition

This is Tarzan. She's one of my foster kitties. She's always been quiet, but today, after her bath, it was worse.

Tarzan spends all of her time in my lap or on my foot. Her whole body fits right on top of my foot.

Today she has spent the evening in my shirt. She's warm now, but I am concerned. She's just a bitty thing. The runt. 2/3 the size of her rambunctious siblings.

They are quiet tonight too. I think they are worried about her. Oh dear. I just found a lump on her back when I was petting her. I'll definately be taking her to work tomorrow and to the vet after. Strange, I didn't notice the lump during bath time. How could i have missed it? It's huge! right over her spine. Between her shoulders and firm. And connected. I want to pull on it, but I don't want to hurt her. With all the pets I've given her, how could I have missed this???

Dear Internet Searchers

I hope those of you who came here looking for information on Pasturella found what you are looking for. I hope those of you who came here looking for muscle boobs did not.

Getting back on the horse

Not being one to let a little snag stop me, I'm working to get back on the horse, so to speak. I've looked at three houses in the last two days. Two are distinct possibilities, but one is a short sale and the other a foreclosure (it's the same house on two different streets.) The realtor on the foreclosure (which is the one I like best) says the bank owner won't work with the Nieamiah program which is the only way I can get a down payment short of selling favors on the street corner. Expensive ones. He might be full of shit, but I also don't want to end up all wound up and then right back where I started. Again. MY realtor says there's a little something telling him to wait. I'm trusting him on this. I think there's something telling me to wait too.

On the dating front, although the temptation is there to hop right back online and find myself another guy to hang with, I'm waiting. Give the horse a rest. Figure out why I keep making the same mistakes. The time I spent with the Cowboy was not a mistake, but honestly, I knew it wasn't going to work out. I tried anyway. And then it didn't. And I was hurt. I need to chase after men who ARE interested in me, not the ones who are broken and not in a position to be with me. Actually, I would like to stop chasing men, but the ones that tend to chase me are not men I consider dating. If they aren't 50, they smell of the kind of trouble I like to stay away from.

SO while dating provides fantastic blog fodder, I want to wait. Give it some time. And stop trying to force life to happen.

TMS

Too much shit

Somewhere along the line, it could have been recently, it could have been ten years ago, I feel like I lost my shit. I'm starting to find it. From forgetting birthdays to neglecting thank you cards, it's like the little things in life that mean a lot have been lost in the shuffle of other things that might even mean less. I'm not sure. I mean, we all have to work, we all need hobbies, we all have to pay our bills, but when a person gets so wrapped up that they forget the important stuff? there's something wrong.

I'm trying to fix it. I go through this every so often, this sudden realization that I have dropped my basket. I hope this time the focus lasts a little bit longer.