My dear friend,

I have to believe and to have faith that somehow, wherever you are, you get this message. I know that you probably know these things already, but I have to get them out.

I want you to know that you made a difference in my life. That your smile was infectious and I always looked forward to our interactions. It really meant a lot to me how your face would light up when you saw me and how you always greeted me with enthusiasm.

I want you to know that I've been thinking of you a lot lately and I kept meaning to drop you an email just to say hi. Because I like you. You were my friend. I always hoped we would have time to get together for tea. Every time I spoke with you, I learned a little more about you, and what an amazing person you are. Were. You did so many little things to try and make all our lives just a little bit sunnier. Thank you for that. thank you, for being you.

I will never have the chance to tell you these things. I wish I could. Everyone should know that they made a difference. That they brought beauty and joy into the lives of others. I should have taken the opportunity every moment that I thought of you.

I will add that to my very short list of regrets.

I'm not sure why you had to go. Perhaps when I learn how I can make some sense of it. Humans. We always have to know how.

The world is a little dimmer without you in it. I'm a little less whole. I miss you already.

Gina Baby

Unexpected attractiveness

It never really occurred to me to think of Dan Akroyd as a handsome man. Silly, goofy, fun, all those things that I find pretty dang attractive, sure. But handsome? Not really. I never thought he was BAD looking, of course, but I also never really thought he got to where he is based on his looks like so many actors do.

Until I tripped across this photo over at http://www.epbot.com/

You never know how someone really looks until you see them from a different angle. Somtimes a slight turn anda genuine smile causes all the goodness within to spill out. I don't know Dan, but I hear he's a good egg. I'm sure his wife thinks so too.

This is not a fashion blog

Dude. What the F*** with the fur vests?

I don't follow fashion. I don't generally get into trends. My uniform consists of jeans and a T-Shirt for normal wear and short skirts and fishnets if it's derby. Usually with a T-Shirt. There are other things that I would probably wear if I had the kind of money it takes to keep up with the trends, but only if I liked it and it looked good on me.

Case in point? Maxi dresses. I'm pretty sure that due to my overall shape, I would look like I was wearing a tent for a nightgown. Given my height, I'm pretty sure I'd trip over said maxi dress all day or worse, the hem would drag and get all dirty and tattered. Now my maxi dress is a maxi rag.

Maxi rag sounds very dirty. Eew.

I have begun spending rediculous amounts of time on Pinterest.com. It is helping me to collect all those cute things I find on the internet without printing them out. Recipes, craft ideas, decor ideas. Yarn and Soap porn. Quotes! You know I love me some quotes. And lots of outfits I would likely wear if I had money that are not jeans or t-shirts. Ok, mostly pretty dresses that I wouldn't wear since I don't have anywhere to wear them. I live in Northern Nevada. Sweat pants are acceptable club attire.

Today I was checking out the stuff that other people have pinned and what do I see but a Maxi dress (in a lovely shade of tourquoise) with a note on it that the pinner would love to have said dress with a fur vest.

Fur vest. I've always wanted to look like a muppet. Or a cave girl. Or maybe...

For granted

I'm not sure about you, but I need  pep talks when I am feeling a little down. Despite appearances, I do not go out looking for validation of who I am from other people and I certainly try not to solicit it. If I want to feel better about myself, I try to think about all the things that I like about me. There are many. There are things I don't like about me too, and once I am back to a normal frame of mind, I address those things. But not when I am down. When I am down and having trouble getting back up, I pinch and poke and prod with positivity until I am upright.

That isn't why I started writing today. I started on a tangent, likely because I have been doing just those things lately. Actually, I've been having a lot of these moments:

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We all go through these times. I try not to let the turkeys get me down.

I'm still on a tangent.

Truth is, that while I have been poking and prodding myself out of the mud, my email has been a jerk. What does that have to do with anything? Well...

It tends to automatically go back to page 1 of all my saved emails (of which there are really way too many). Sometimes I go back and clear out old emails, but if they have pictures or are especially special, I keep them. One from Jack, my grandfather, who you will remember, passed away a couple of years ago. I think this was my last communication from him. Silly pictures from my sisters. Ok, mostly my big sister. Random things that still tickle.

Better online than at my house, that's for sure.

I noticed something though. There's a lot of kind and thoughtful things in there. How C always made sure I had pictures of stuff; like the tattoo someone had made of his drawing. One I had modeled for. Suggestions on soap and packaging from my sister and cousin from when I first started Bubbly Creations. Encouragements and little things that just said, "I'm thinking of you" or "you are part of my world even if you aren't right here".

Suddenly, I started to wonder about how well I appreciate people back. And whether I tell them enough how much they mean to me. It was a needed eye opener. Even if I DO tell my friends and family that I appreciate them, well, if I am questioning, perhaps I need to tell them more.

New thing to work on now that the mud is just about dry and I can start focusing on my improvements again.