I don't think I have ever felt so sorry for any man I have dated than I occasionally feel for Cheese. Not in the way that it sounds. It is not an overall pity I feel, I feel bad that he has to deal with me.
Actually, he doesn't HAVE to deal with me, he chooses to. Most days, things are sun shiney and great. Every so often though, the scary comes out. Some of it I have control over, other, I don't.
I consider myself a decent cook. Or, maybe it's just that if I cook something nasty, I will eat it anyway because I'm the only one complaining. No so anymore. Now, I am feeding someone else sometimes, and I suddely find that everything is overdone (steak) or just plain funky (like the stuffed chicken I made for Valentines day where I realized too late I didn't have bread crumbs so I used graham crackers instead). The nights when dinner comes out fabulous? He was out on the road. Now that he's in town all the time, hopefully he will be able to eat good food instead of scary stuff.
In town all the time. which, sadly, means that I am not in as much of a panic to spend as much time as possible with him before he leaves again. On the nights we do have together, I try to make it a point to give him my mostly undivided attention but when he goes to bed, I don't go with him unless I have to be up early too. Years of living alone and setting my own schedule have made me forget sometimes that those moments right before bed are some of the most important ones of the day. it's the time when you relax together. Chat and giggle and settle in for the night. They are the kind of intimate moments you don't share with anyone but the people closest to you. At least I don't.
Last night I looked up and realized that Cheese had gone to bed and I didn't remember saying goodnight. I realized that I should go in there and spend a little before sleep time with him. That's where it all went wrong.
It was dark in the bedroom. so I didn't see the dog who likes to sleep in front of the door if I am not in bed yet and next to the bed if i am in it. He's a black dog. Dark room.
I stepped on the dog.
Poor Little Guy gave a yelp. Which frightened me so I screamed too.
which woke up my soundly sleeping boyfriend.
have you ever woken up to the sound of screams? I hope not. I'm lucky we didn't frighten him to death. I can't afford to buy another mattress, I haven't finished paying for the one he was on!
I couldn't help it though. I started giggling once we had it all sorted out. which probably made it worse. Especially since he was too groggy and shocked to realize what was so funny.
I should stop trying to be nice.