Monday, January 10, 2011

If you have to ask, you probably are.

I had a sneaky suspicion that perhaps my "relationship" wasn't quite as meaningful as I would like it to be. Once again, I was feeling like I wasn't getting quite enough attention, one morning I woke up and the voice in my head said "you desperately want this to mean something", and I have really good reason to believe that he is seeing someone else too.

Girly trash in the bathroom in a bachelor's room is a pretty damn good indication. (and no, I didn't mention it and no, I wasn't digging through the trash, it was RIGHT THERE ON TOP. I couldn't miss it when I flushed the toilet.)

So I asked.

Apparently, I am not a booty call. Things are not serious (I didn't think they were) but he thinks too highly of me to consider me a booty call. He likes my company.

I don't think I have to tell you what the voice in my head said about that.

But I will give him that he took me to the movies that night and there was no monkey business so I feel a bit better about things. And the voice is quieter. And I will continue to see him because I like his company too.


It's not what I want. I want something with substance. And for some reason I keep inviting casual. I'm really looking hard at myself to find out why. Maybe it will grow into something, but in my experience, it won't, and I am not going to sit and wait for him to decide he can't live without me. Because he won't. And I already know I can live without him.

I am reminded, once again, that I tend to do better single. no emotional rollercoasters and I get things done. Like working on my business (I touch it almost every day lately!) and I start NEW adventures like the one below... Maybe that is my problem. That I am so independent that I give off the "i don't need you" vibe. And I invite men who don't want to be needed. Except Cheese. But we have been over that. 

In more positive and exciting news...

My friend Heather and I have started something great and I want you all to go take a look at it because, it's awesome and I am super excited about it. And by all means, join in the fun!


Chickie said...

Gah, ick on finding girly trash! I think it's worse that you weren't digging for it - he should have taken that out. May as well enjoy the ride while you're on it though. :)

Going to check out the project!

Ginamonster said...

I'm kind of glad he didn't. he shouldn't feel like he has to hide things from me, it may have been nothing. I didn't know he had female friends in town recently until I saw FB pictures. And, it put things in motion for me to ask what was going on. Now that I know, I am feeling much better about things. I'm back to enjoying things. :)

Chickie said...

Okay, I didn't mean take out the trash so much as hiding things as much as being tidy. I mean, I bury that kind of stuff in the big trash can so Sweety doesn't have to stare at it.

Maybe I'm too anal.

Glad you're back to enjoyment!

Sensei said...

GM, it's time for you to face some harsh facts.

You are 30+. Women who are destined to be homemakers and raise children do so by age 30. As you get older, the chances increase that any child you have could be a special needs child.

Now that you faced that. It has a silver lining. You are an independent woman. You do NOT need a man in your life for it to be fulfilling.

Sure, you have certain needs, but those can be filled with men whom you do not have a long-lasting relationship with. Besides, you'll have more fun with more men than one.

Date multiple men at the same time. If any of them need to know, tell them that you are seeing other guys and will continue to look.

There are guys who are fine with that kind of relationship. You'll find that you will be able to have more fun because you are more relaxed, knowing that you do not worry about screwing somethign up.

You will find that you won't be waiting by the phone hoping that Man A doesn't have other responsibilities that come up and prevent him from spending time with you. Instead, you'll give Man B a call and he'll be right over.

veriword for today: ingshit

I do not have a definition for that, but I am lmao that it came up as the veriword.