Monday, May 31, 2010

The other side of the story

I had the opportunity to see the other side of the story yesterday. The verdict?

Both parents need to grow up and learn to communicate. Because SO MUCH drama could be avoided that way.

There's not much I can do here.

She tries to force him to see the kid which makes him bitter, resentful, and stubborn. He needs to step up and be a dad whether he wants to deal with mom or not.

And I? will continue to watch, and listen, and form my own opinions. I already encourage him to put his daughter first. but I can't force him. And I won't try to maipulate him into it because it's not my job to punish him for making choices I don't agree with.

And I can be kind to that little girl.

Friday, May 28, 2010

I don't understand

It's cruel and unusual punishment to castrate serial rapists and child molesters.

But it is ok to force a woman making the difficult desision to have an abortion to look at ultrasound photos of her fetus or, if she turns her head, listen to a detailed description of it. Even in cases of rape and incest.

It breaks my heart to know that these women are being subjected to increased pain and punishment for a decision that will already weigh on them for the rest of thier lives. I know not all of them choose not to look. And the article said that none of them chose differently having seen.

But I still maintain that the choice to have a child should be a choice. And that no one should be punished for choosing not to.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Je Suis

Actually, I pretty much failed French...

I had... I have, so much to say. About exes and attitudes. About learning how much fun you can have with someone just hanging around. About how precious a day or a night has become.

But the attitude, there's nothing I can do about it. Know that in her words, my relationship with Cheese sounds cheap and tawdry. And in her eyes I am selfish for standing up for what I believe in. And he is selfish for not spending half of his one or two days in town every couple of weeks driving to see his daughter. Or for wanting to spend one of those precious two nights with me if she is in town.

It's hard for me, this ugliness, because I was not raised this way. I am learning a lot about what I will and will not give on. And she needs to learn to be logical.

I would like to teach her (with my fist) that she can't have everything that she wants. That the world doesn't work that way. That she can no longer dictate who isn't hers to control. And that I will be nice, but not bullied.

And no, I will not hit her. (today) but I feel in my bones that one day she will push me too far.
I hope I am wrong about that. Never try to out bitch a nice girl. I only look like a doormat.

I am trying to take a deep breath and not waste my anger on someone who doesn't care if I am angry. In her eyes, it doesn't matter how I feel. Otherwise, there wouldn't be quite so many issues. And I am trying to remember that I promised myself that I should try to always be a lady. Which means I won't be typing the rest of what I am thinking.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The little things?

I was at Costco yesterday, noodling about, spending some time before I met up with the Rave guys at the Wreck Center.

As I was leaving the man checking receipts at the door mentioned that he'd been married for 46 years. And has brought home flowers every week for his wife even when she wasn't there.

And I realized that it's not the big things, the vacations and the diamond rings and fancy cars that matter, it's the little day to day things. Like a good morning phone call every day. Or your favorite ice cream in the freezer. Notes in your lunch box or silly messages in the mirror.

The little things that sometimes are hard to notice until they are gone. I've heard on more than one occasion, someone saying, that he or she just doesn't *blank* any more.

Maybe it's because they didn't think you noticed. Maybe you took it for granted. I think that's when things start to go down hill. when you don't feel appreciated anymore.

I know I have been making a little more effort to do those things. Like making sure there is anough leftover cookie dough for Cheese to have some of the cookies I made. Or being available to meet the ravers so that my wife didn't have to.

SO many of those things used to be automatic. But I didn't feel appreciated. and so I stopped. I hope the people in my life know how much I appreciate them.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Two year commitment

I can say, till I'm blue in the face that I do not have a problem with commitment, but we all know that I would be lying outright and that just isn't right. plus, there is no reason.

Frankly, while the idea of a commitment doesn't scare me, the actual thought of telling someone that I am not going to change my mind about them does. I am a fickle bitch. A VERY fickle bitch. I am also the opposite. Once I pick someone out, I want to keep them. Often to my detriment because thus far, the ones I pick are broken. Because I have a broken picker. We've been through this. A lot.

Yesterday I made a triple commitment. It seemed to be the only way to get what I wanted.

1. I committed to The phone company on a new line and subsequently
2. Comitted to my business by getting a dedicated cell phone. I needed a local number so that people would take me seriously.
3. I committed to Cheese. Strange how that all goes together. I don't know which one is the scariest. But here is how it happened...

I decided to add another line to my cell phone account so that I have a Reno number to go along with my Reno address. that way I look more legit.
Apparently you can't have two numbers going to one phone so I started looking at the free phones that would come with my new line. It just got complicated from there. With the input of Cheese, I considered all sorts of new and interesting options. Iphones, Droids, Blackberries... BUT WAIT!! I don't use that stuff. I don't want to add that much money to my budget. And I don't need the internet to eat up more of my time than it already does.
So I picked out a phone that was a little fancier than what i have (will switch out the sim cards later) and moved forward.
BUT WAIT! Can't have a 775 AND a 619 because of the way the Gov'mint split up the AT&T monopoly. which means I would have to switch my number to a 775. And I don't want to. which I might have considered declaring "silly" and something to get over except that the sales guy recommended that I keep that account; I get a really good discount.
In swoops Cheese. If he adds the acount to his account, it will lower his bill. I will have all the things i need and it's highly unlikely that we will use up all the minutes because neither of us uses the phone that much and if I DO start using that line that much, holy crap, it will be awesome.

Now to get the website in order... Kinda wish I could "afford" to skip practice tonight...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

What? Two posts in one day?

I'm thinking facebook is probably tired of hearing updates on how filthy my house is.

I had a brilliant idea the other day. Actually, it was sometime last week, but I digress.

You see, the bunny situation, while improved, is still pretty nasty. Oliver, bless him, likes to sit in his litter box. and his lovely silvery fur soaks up all the pee he sits in all the live long day. Totally gross. Compounding this is the fact that I use feline pine litter. Everything else sticks in his fur OR it's extra stinky. The feline pine masks the odor of bunny a little bit longer. But only a little. Cheese finds the whole situation rather nasty. I do too, but Oliver is my critter and therefore I clean up after him. Or try to. Messy little fucker.

Inspiration hit. I, in my infinite wisdom, will use PUPPY PADS to soak up the bunny urine and Oliver will get clean and shiny and I will want to snuggle him and it will all be MUCH easier to clean, right?

Oliver ate the paper. He is now covered in the absorbent and baking soda mix they put in those puppy pad things and I, will be hitting the pet store tomorrow for a new bag of feline pine.

Apparently, Yesterday's news now offers a bunny specific option. We shall have to see how that works...

merrily we roll along

In between tormenting the dog with the swiffer and donating stem cells, things have been going pretty good.

I'm enjoying my time with Cheese, and although I still struggle sometimes with my issues, I appreciate him more and more. Which is good. I even refer to him as my boyfriend even though I still trip over the word. stupid labels.

I'm doing my best to get back into the swing of derby. I took nearly a month off from skating due to slight burn out and travel and my ass shows it. It's going to take me at least a month to get back into the condition I was in, and frankly, I think it might take longer since I have been a little lazy at practice. I think I was hurt or something, I can't remember.

Work is going ok. This was an unusually stressful week full of fuck ups and frustrations. But since Monday, each day as gotten better and I keep reminding myself that I just have to adapt and grow and do the best that I can.

Speaking of growing, my dust bunnies are. And they are made out of real bunny so I'd better get back to the swiffer or at least, clean the bunny cage.