Thursday, May 27, 2010

Je Suis

Actually, I pretty much failed French...

I had... I have, so much to say. About exes and attitudes. About learning how much fun you can have with someone just hanging around. About how precious a day or a night has become.

But the attitude, there's nothing I can do about it. Know that in her words, my relationship with Cheese sounds cheap and tawdry. And in her eyes I am selfish for standing up for what I believe in. And he is selfish for not spending half of his one or two days in town every couple of weeks driving to see his daughter. Or for wanting to spend one of those precious two nights with me if she is in town.

It's hard for me, this ugliness, because I was not raised this way. I am learning a lot about what I will and will not give on. And she needs to learn to be logical.

I would like to teach her (with my fist) that she can't have everything that she wants. That the world doesn't work that way. That she can no longer dictate who isn't hers to control. And that I will be nice, but not bullied.

And no, I will not hit her. (today) but I feel in my bones that one day she will push me too far.
I hope I am wrong about that. Never try to out bitch a nice girl. I only look like a doormat.

I am trying to take a deep breath and not waste my anger on someone who doesn't care if I am angry. In her eyes, it doesn't matter how I feel. Otherwise, there wouldn't be quite so many issues. And I am trying to remember that I promised myself that I should try to always be a lady. Which means I won't be typing the rest of what I am thinking.

No comments: