Monday, June 15, 2009


I am in a spot. again. It's personal this time. 

This weekend's camping trip was loads of fun and I enjoyed getting to know some people, including NG, better. The only downer was that I have completely lost my keys. All of them. Car keys, house keys, work keys. Everything. Missing. completely. Thank goodness my car was unlocked and that my valet key was in attendance. 

I returned home on cloud nine. 

Then the phone call. The one that pulled me off of cloud nine and back into reality. The one that said that drunkin things happened on Friday night before I arrived on Saturday. 

Tehnically, it's none of my business. None. But I called NG anyway. Because he and I are interested in each other. And there is possibility between us. And drunkin things can cast a shadow over that possibility. 

He assured me that nothing happened. That attempts were made but rebuked and everything was fine and discussed and settled. As far as I know the record has been set strait on his end of the grapevine, and I know it has been set strait on mine. 

The boys at work tell me I should believe him. I want to. I have no reason not to.

But I have no reason to trust him either. And I hate that he has to earn my trust when I would give it to "just a friend" without question. 

But the voice is back, and it's screaming. Last time, I told it to shut up. I ignored my instincts and trusted. I believed. I was wrong. 

Thus we find the fallout from B. I tried to explain to NG that my last relationship ended in lies. I didn't go into detail.  I don't think he wants to hear about the past. I can understand but I also know that it is the building blocks upon which I have created my present.

My present doesn't know what to think. I don't want to run from roadblocks and rumors. I would take a step back and observe, but there is no back, I'm at the beginning. 

The rumor is based on a perception. Perception is so much. And yet is can be nothing. I can't ask the woman involved, she has been embarrassed enough. Goodness knows, I have made drunk advances and been denied; I tend to leave that part out of that story when I tell it. Plus, she and I are not friends. Perhaps we can be. But I met her on Saturday. And Saturday night she had to share a tent with us, with me sleeping between them, ignorant. She kept offering to find another tent to sleep in. I only now realize how awkward it must have been for her. To see us wander off for long walks. To end up sleeping on the same air mattress with me.

Regardless of what is true, it must have been torment. And don't I know how that feels too. All too well. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. 

I have faith though, that the truth will come to the surface. Maybe I will learn to trust NG and discover that my worries were for nothing. They usually are, after all. Maybe she will support his story and I can continue forward happy and merry the way you should when something is new. 

Maybe the universe will remind me again that the mistake I keep making is in not listening to the voice in my head. 

Only time will tell.


VickeyMichelle said...

I have to point out now something that makes me your friend and guarantees your place in my world.
Your concern for "the other woman". Some, if not most, people would call her a tramp and throw the blame her way. You immediately feel concern for her. You are an awesome, honestly good person. If you were on Charm School you'd win.

Bratty D said...

I was thinking the exact same thing as Vic. You are a rare one miss grace :)