Friday, February 15, 2013

Irrational fears

I have many irrational fears. Some are easily explained, some are more complicated.

For example, I will not swim in lakes because there are lake zombies in there. There are no zombies in the ocean because its a moving body of water and also, sharks. But in lakes, the water just sits there in the lake bed. And the zombies reach up and grab your ankles and pull you down into the depths below. Tahoe and Pyramid are especially bad for zombies because they only connect to each other. And sometimes they find bodies in there. Bodies that have been in there for a very long time. centuries. and also, water babies. The thing that makes this fear even more irrational is that I don't believe in zombies. In fact, the whole zombie apocalypse craze pretty much pisses me off and makes me want to walk away while I call everyone an idiot. BUT you'll notice that they never start the stupid zombie apocalypse in the water because then it would be too real. I think. When zombie shit comes up on the Netflix, I go watch Toddlers and Tiaras.

Actually, I haven't watched that in a week or two.

Point being, that I have an irrational fear of someone bursting in on me when I'm in the shower at the gym. I like the gym. We have a healthy relationship. I go, sweat, shower, and go home. I've lost 5 pounds this way. I have every intention of losing more.

I think I mentioned  that since I go to the gym at night and I shower at night, that I would start showering at the gym to save money. And sweat stains on my car upholstery. That's a side benefit. But a good one. There's all sorts of winning going on there.

I'm a modest kind of girl. I don't wander around the locker room nakid. I make sure my girlie bits are covered until I'm in the shower stall and the curtain is safely closed. I lube up then wrap up before opening the curtain again.

Yet still, even though normal people know that a shut curtain means a full stall, I still worry about someone flinging open the curtain and seeing my butt. or worse.

Last night, I learned that my fears are not unfounded when I was just about done applying my body lotion (which never gets put on at home) and the curtain was suddenly flung open by some topless lady. I'm sure there was a look of horror on my face. After all, I was wearing nothing but a towel turban and flip flops. I was also facing the curtain.

She shut the curtain, apologized, explained that since I was so quiet in there that she didn't think the stall was occupied. Never mind that there were plenty of open stalls, never mind that my bright pink toiletry bag was hanging on the hook right next to the stall, never mind that I practically duct tape the curtain shut when I'm in there.

The consensus that occurred to my workmates and not to me? She wanted to see some boobies. And she did (so, much to my dismay, did I). Apparently, there are creepers everywhere. And not all of them are men.


OsShirt said...

Boobies are your friend.

Sensei said...

1. Learn to scuba dive. It is apparent that water zombies run solo, else they would kill many more people. So, as a scuba diver, you can legally carry a spear gun. and just take it with you underwater, and be ready to take out the undead. And, as you get close to the shore after a fruitless zombie counter-hunt, you can spear a fish for dinner. Plus scuba diving is one of the funest things I have ever done.

2. Yeah, shower lady wanted to see your boobies. They are impressive. I hope you sack them up so they won't sag when you hit 50...which isn't that far away. She probably had a bet with someone you ddn't see, and the apology kept you from beating her to death with them.

LOL! My verification code to post...NOSECUP....NO C CUP

Chickie said...

I worry about stepping on a decomposing body in lakes.

Ginamonster said...

Sensei- I do not do well with breathing through tubes. I can barely snorkle without panic to blackout and even then, I won't dive under. We won't talk about the horrible things even a few feet of pressure does to my ears which do not equalize the way they should. I leave the underwater exploration to others.

Great Chickie, now you've given me something new...