Things are looking up again

It was, to put it lightly, a hard week for me.

There was Derby Drama. And that is all I am going to give to that, as per usual.

I worked long hours training as backup to a stressful position. I'm glad I got to try it before I bought it. It certainly made me appreciate my job.

After working a 12 hour day on Wednesday, I came home to an awful smell. Poor Chango had the P&Ps again. I was thankful that I got home in the daylight so that I could clean his kennel outside. I locked him in the bathroom while I cleaned and he got sick again in there too. The smell is lingering...

All the dog and people bathing clogged my tub.

Friday I worked a 13 hour day and came home to another mess. Thankfully, I had forewarning as Cheese had contacted me. He was ready to talk to me and wanted to know if he could have his key back so he could take the dog to the park once in awhile. I don't have a problem with that, it will be nice having help with that. At this point, the tub was totally clogged so I couldn't bathe the dog. And he insisted on going with me to go buy a snake. Which didn't work. Stinky dog in the car, I was super hungry, and feeling rather blue.

Del taco was my hero  that night.

If it wasn't indecent, I would post pictures of how I managed to take a shower; perched on the sides of the tub trying not to get the floor all wet or fall into the lye water below. It reminded me of how we used to play "Lava" when we were kids. Hopping from square to square in the grocery store pretending that we were surrounded by hot lava. Only, in this case, there really was liquid below and it really could burn me.

I finally called the plumber yesterday as nothing seemed to be working. The tub was half full and no amount of Draino or zip thingys or plungering was working.

Cheese decided no contact for awhile was better after all. I totally understand.

I sent a FB friend request to The Cowboy... I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking. I really should let sleeping dogs lie. There wasn't a second adjenda, I do miss his friendship.  We had a lot of laughs.

C on the other hand, accepted my invite, but there isn't anything weird about that, we are still friends and it was nice to find him on FB since that is where I do most of my socializing and keeping up.I haven't been very good about calling or emailing him.

Last night I returned home from game night to a clear tub. I took a shower, even shaved my legs and it drained wonderfully. Cancelled the plumber and slept in.

Pup seems to be fine on his chicken and rice diet. I'm getting some cleaning done. I'm enjoying my house and a rainy day.

Things are defintely getting back to happy normal. I am thankful for all of my blessings today.

Moments like these

It's moments like these, why I cannot see Cheese. When I am remembering all the nicey nice and missing his company.

I went through these mood swings when we were together too. I don't want to call and tell him I miss him only to reject him again next week...

So I sit at home and hurt. I will try and occupy myself with something productive and go to bed early.

Today, that is how I am doing.

Holy Crap we rocked it

We skated well on Saturday and although we lost by 5 points, we ONLY lost by 5 points. I couldn't be prouder of us.

Sensei wants to know how I am doing.

I'm having good moments and difficult moments. Overall, I still feel as though I made the right choice. But I'm not going to lie and tell you that I don't miss him or that I don't half expect to see his car in the driveway as I come around the corner.

But he tried that last week. And I never came home. (well, I did, but not until later than he expected)

It hurt a little so see his facebook status changed to single tonight even though we are no longer together. It put a funny sort of finality on it. I know it is part of his healing process. My time schedule likely would have been about the same.

If it hadn't been the right thing to do I would regret it.

When I think about it too much it hurts. Like right now. Otherwise, I'm doing ok.

I should really hit the hay. Chango is growling and howling at me that it's time for bed. He's a talker, that one.

update

6 days and I am feeling better than I was last week! Cheese and I are not communicating at all right now with the exception of working each others frontiervilles and sending gifts thourgh the game, which, I do for all the people I play with so it's not a romantic gesture or anything.

It's not that there are mean feelings, it's that I need separation to help with perspective and I feel he needs seperation to avoid confusion. The last thing I want to do is confuse him or give him false hopes. I also don't want to slip back into old habits. I know how easy it is to do that. I took Wifey's advice and quit receiving twitter updates via my phone (they were breaking my heart), but did not agree that I should stop following him all together. She said it is like when I unfriended B on facebook. But Cheese never lied to me. We are still friends. And when it's safe, I can see and hang out with him again. By safe, I mean that when I know what I want.

I keep telling Cheese that he did the best that he could, that he did nothing wrong, that I know he gave it everything he had. He is full of romantic gestures of the 80's movie variety, the kind that should make a woman melt and go running into his arms. I wish I could say that I did that. I wanted so much to feel for him the way he feels for me. I have dissected myself so often over the last 8 months that its a wonder the scars aren't visible. But despite his kind and generous nature, I grew increasingly distant. That is why I finally understand how the Cowboy felt. I think he really tried to care about me too. But he couldn't grow feelings for me beyond fondness and an appreciation for me as a person. It's nice to finally have that understanding.

I hope I have not broken him in the same way I was broken, but I fear that might not be possible.

I've been doing well otherwise though. Thursday night was super productive as I started, continued, but never finished several projects. Tonight I have a bout, so that should be interesting. I wish I cold just show up and skate tonight but my team is gathering to get ready together and I would be an asshole if I didn't join them. I'm just not really feeling it today, I guess. The way I am feeling right now, I'd skip it all together if I could. But, that is not an option and I will be here, smiling and skating my ass off. I can relax more tomorrow.

Day 2

You would think, that this wasn't my choice by the way I have been carrying on. I hardly ate yesterday, barely slept last night and wandered around my house most of the day at a loss for what to do with myself and crying. In short, I am in mourning.

Today I feel a little better but keep thinking of the things I will miss. Like the good morning text message every morning or notes on my car. Sometimes both.

I don't want to be an asshole or an idiot though. This was what I wanted after all. I struggled with it for months watching as my roller coaster of emotions took him on way too many ups and downs as well. Over the last couple of weeks, we hardly saw each other as he gave me plenty of space and I took all the space I could get. And when we were together, we made very little attempts at intimacy, rarely kissing or snuggling. I can blame the fact that I was sick for a time, or I can recognize that I was probably pulling away.

Either way, I could have treated him better. He was the one who did everything right while I? Ate it up and wanted to know why I didn't feel more.

For once, I am taking the advice and giving it some time. Who knows how I will feel in a week or a month. It's too soon to know what I want and certainly not fair to play with his feelings. I've already done too much of that. Over the last 8 months, I behaved as a person I don't much care for.

And that is what it came down to. I want him to be with someone who can love him in return. Someone steady and kind. Who will spoil him as he spoils her. Who will love his daughter instead of avoiding her. I know I am capable of giving so much more of myself and of my time and I didn't. Perhaps I am going through a selfish time, perhaps it wasn't as good of a match as it could have been. Either way we are both hurting. the only fix for it is time.

It ended, just as it began. With a kiss.

I'm really going to miss him.

There is no escaping that we are still going to be a part of each other's life, although I did tell him that I would stay away for awhile. He was very nice about it. It hurt us both. I've been telling myself that it's the best thing to do for a long time but in the midst of it, I questioned.

I'm not used to questioning myself.

Meanwhile, my head is pounding, my belly says  it's hungry even though I don't want to eat and I REALLY don't wish to go to practice tonight.

I start training in as a backup in another position tomorrow morning. I don't feel like that either. I don't want to read, I don't want to watch a movie, all I seem to be able to do is wander around the house. It's only been a couple of hours. If that. Time seems to have slowed to a crawl as I sit and exist. Alone. Again.

I know I have to eat. I don't want to cook and I don't want to spend money going out.

I just don't. Anything.

I hope I feel better tomorrow. It won't be all the way better. But a little would help.

No title

I would like to be sleeping right now.

Where have i been?

Everywhere and nowhere. Busy, sick, travelling. Selling soap. Struggling to understand myself. Looking for balance.

I returned to skating only to catch a bad cold which took me out of skating. I have a bout in a couple of weeks, and have to make up the time.

I'm tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It's moments like these when I miss being anonymous. When I miss being able to shout into the internets and know that no one is listening. Not that there are a lot of people paying attention. only that most of them know me. personally. And while some don't say anything, some do.

Keep pushing ahead. Do the best that I can with the tools I have.

and to T and the Cowboy, I finally understand.

That's right, I AM the Pumpkin King!

I recieved a phone call a couple of months ago. It was Poo. With a job offer.  Project Manager this time. In Oregon.

Oh what an opportunity that would be. He told me to take my time and really think about it. I pondered whether Cheese might come with me. I went back and forth on that one. Am I ready to live with him? Because that is likely how it would work. Would I want to be responsible for taking him that far from his daughter?

A place by the ocean. Trees. More money. A challenge. Coordinating again. New beginnings. Adventure.

I wasn't sure if an end to my Derby Career would be a positive or a negative. I could still skate, but wouldn't have to deal with the drama, frustration, and time suck that Derby can be.

I took a month off from Derby. I did it not only because I missed doing some of the things I love, my house still isn't unpacked, and because I wanted to take some time to focus on Bubbly Creations. I also did it because I took a hard hit to the head. My helmet didn't protect me and it was a little scary. And it hurt. I believe in signs.

It was hard to stay off my wheels. I am back to derby as of yesterday. It was good to roll.

Between everything and everything, I made my decision about the job.

I am not ready to leave NV. My house, my friends, and yes, Cheese too. He decided not to come with me, that being near his daughter was more important. I respect him more for it.

I've started hanging out a little bit with the Carson Sierra Spinners and Weavers. I think I can give them a couple of hours a month to get all fiber geeky.

I'm not ready to retire from Derby.

I don't want to leave my house, my friends, put Bubbly Creations back on ice. I don't want to be further from my family.

Sensei said to do it. That ther are other boys, other opportunities, other friends to be made. This is true. I didn't turn it down just for the man.

I turned it down after a long night of drinking in which I ended up crying because I didn't know what to do. Except that I did. And once I sobered up and listened closely to what my inner child was saying, in a very wet snotty fashion (she tends to come out in force when I drink too much. She also spends too much on booze) I realized that ultimately, I am happy here. Quite happy. I'm not ready to leave NV. As my wife said, I have only recently started calling this home.

I realized something else too. I am worth more than I have given myself credit for over the last 2 years. I wasn't fired for incompetance because I am incompetant, I was let go because I am competant. I am an excellent coordinator.  And that can be threatening to those who don't have faith in their own skills.

I like my job. I am comfortable here. But I also feel as though I am far more talented than I am given credit for. And I don't think that they will ever see me as more than the quirky little skater girl who rides around on a tricycle and pulls a wagon full of toilet paper. While that is who I am, I also know that I am more. The bosses have both been out of the office this week and I think that we have held it down really well. Not just me, all of us. The stuff that I miss, Paul has gotten. While I don't think for a moment that I could run this department, it might be time to go back to the other stuff I am good at. It's scary. I am comfortable. But it won't hurt to put out feelers. Thank goodness Poo reminded me that I am more than I have believed of myself. It's been fun to be challanged. And who knows, maybe after this week I WILL be taken a little more seriously. which would be cool because I would hate to have to give up my Radio Flyer.

A prayer

Dear, dear universe.

Last night was a tough night for cheese and I. we were both very tired. And it's really hot out. Even with the ceiling fan on. And the little fan he brought over was really loud so I had to get out of bed and turn it off and wake up Cheese.  I was so tired but my brain was on and my body was twitchy and it was hot so I had to get out of bed and take a half muscle relaxer and drink some water then crawl back in bed and wake up Cheese.Then the dogs played (I'm dog sitting) and licked themselvs and and for goodness sake panted for like, I don't know, an hour or something before I put them and their jingling dog tags out of the room.
Then as soon as I was in a nice deep sleep, someone started barking and they had to come back in. But now that he started, Chango had to woof for a bit before he finally quieted down and I was able to toss and turn my way into dreamland again before BARK!!
(holy crap are you serious?)
He had a crappy day, did Cheese, complete with a beer spill and a few wrong ways. I did pretty good but once he was gone, I slept for awhile since i don't have to be out of bed until three and a half hours after he is up and what do you know, the critters were quiet.

But please, oh universe, let the dogs sleep quiet tonight.

Horses and weaving and crafts O MY!

This weekend was awesome.

It started out with two of the friendliest, silliest horses I think I have ever met nibbling at my hands at the gas station as we set off on a journey this weekend.

Then, I got to take a little tour of Gilmore Looms. The owners were SUPER nice and shared not only the wonderful collection of handmade looms and other fibery goodness, but also the workshop, which runs some of the oldest working woodoworking tools I have every had the opportunity to witness. It was an amazing sight. Cheese had to practically drag me out of there. I said good bye to my 8 harness floor loom while there, it will go to a new home in Maine where it will recived far more love and use than I was able to give. In exchange for me driving it the 3 hours to Stockton, my new friend Dr E will send me a simpler loom, which I hope to make lots of woven treasures upon.

We then headed off to San Fransico to the Renegade Craft Faire which we had to go back to Sunday but that was just fine since I was able to pick up some fibery goodness from Traveling Rhinos. The owner? was the only person at the Faire I actually stopped to have a conversation with. We geeked out together over our love of spinning. I really enjoyed talking to her. I also picked up a couple of mugs from Skeletal Dropkick. I love to drink (everything) from handmade pottery and hers was especially fun and reasonably priced. I can't wait to make myself a caramel cappiccino! Too bad I can't drink out of more than one mug at a time!!

I also met Cheese's Father and (hopefully) future step mom this weekend. they were super nice and very hospitable. I think I found a soul sister in Grace (she is my kind of silly)  and common ground with his dad. At least I hope so.

It was a good weekend.

In July, I found my Kind

I tend to think that its funny and amazing and strange and exciting all at once how things come together and you get pushed around by the universe.

a few days ago, I tripped over Kind over Matter and have been lurking there ever since searching out the good things in the world and trying to banish some of the negativity. Then, I found a magazine, an old copy of O that talked about decluttering, something that I need to do badly.

It helped and I am now on a decluttering path complete with a schedule I made in microsoft project.

There was another nugget in there. an interview with a Buddist Monk that talked about Mindful living and being happy. I am practicing this whenever I remember.

This week I returned to the gym.

Last night I met with a webmaster. Cheese is giving me a new website for my birthday. while I was falling alseep, I started designing a sign for my booth so that when I attend that farmers market in the south end of town, people will know who I am.

I am excited by my business again. Daydreaming about business is so much better than daydreaming about hitting someone.

Speaking of, I almost hit someone the other night. Not the same person, she did not drive me crazy that night, someone else. But I left the track and skated it off instead. I took deep breaths. I tickled a handy puppy. (SO EFFIN CUTE!!!) I moved past my anger, then took a blow to the head hard enough that it's still sore today.(two days later)

I took a leave of absense from skating. My team doesn't bout until October, so now is the time. I am in a frame of mind to build my business and be excited about it. I need to take advantage of that. For my own sanity. I think it's a good move. It's about time I start making some good moves.

Tomorrow I will drop off my weaving loom to be shipped to it's new home in Maine. Then Cheese and I are heading to the Renegade Craft fair in San Francisco.

July ended well. And August is oozing with promise.

Do a good deed daily

Click here
 
 
Please click on that link. And Vote for Kellan. Vote every day. Kellan is the son of one of my dear friends. She is one of the best people I know. I am blessed to have her in my life.
 
Kellan was born with severe heart problems. winning this contest would help his mom pay off some of the bills from the surgeries he needed to keep him alive. You can see his scar in the photo. It's a good cause. and he's damn cute.
 
If you so desire, please pass it on.

Who is that?

I didn’t realize how negative I have become until I lay in bed last night thinking about someone I don’t like and how I would really like to punch her in the face. I lay there with adrenaline rushing through my body, wide awake and thought about whether it would hurt my hand. And what would happen after. What she would say that would give me the reason. In the span of a couple of seconds, I was ready to go to war.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to get all wound up about stuff. And I have learned that everyone needs a villain in their life (or so we think). Right now, she’s mine. And that’s ok. I don’t have to like her, I don’t HAVE to like anyone. BUT. I do have to act civilized. I expect that of myself. AND I DO have to go to sleep at night. And? It’s unhealthy. Draining my adrenaline on daydreams? Violent ones against another person? Wow. I’m pretty sure, that’s not me. Maybe a part of me, but not the one I want to nurture.

I forced myself to calm down. To think happy thoughts. To roll over, close my eyes, breathe deeply and (snore).

Today I tripped over a new (to me) blog that completely underlined how far away from who I am I have gotten. http//:kindovermatter.blogspot.com

I remembered a girl who used to collect quotes. Who aspired to set up a scholarship program aimed at helping people achieve their dreams. Like the 80 year old grandmother who has always wanted to learn ballet. Or the 10 year old who wants to be a trapeze artist. Little dreams. The ones you think are silly. A little dream of my own to help put a smile on the face of someone else.

I haven’t been completely evil. But I haven’t been as good as I want to be. I need to get back on track.

The ladies over at kindovermatter reminded me of this today. Through their card drop project, I am inspired to make and drop cards. Everywhere. Even in the shoe of that girl I don’t like.

There have been other little things too. Detroit Rock Kitty told us about something called the Nerd Fighters. They are, apparently, made of awesome and support nerdy causes. Like, donating books to poor folks who can’t afford them. And that website where you can loan money to entrepreneurs in developing countries. Why haven’t I done that yet? I heard about it over a week ago (another surfing stumble) am I really so wrapped up in my own world that I can’t spare ten minutes and 25 bux?

Wrapped up in my own world. That’s precisely what I am these days. And some of that? Is ok. I need to be able to work and pay my bills and all that. But there are people I haven’t talked to except through facebook in a long time. And by talk to them I mean that I occasionally comment on their status.

Excepting a little bit of time at the cabin for July 4th, I haven’t spun wool in forever. I haven’t met with my crafty group, I haven’t taken my dog to the park, I haven’t baked cupcakes.

In far too long.

While those things may seem like they are centered with me (and some are) they affect other people or critters too. The crafty group was formed so we could inspire each other. The dog needs to run. My friends get to eat the cupcakes.

Instead I spend my time thinking evil thoughts. I spend energy listening to gossip and other people’s drama.

I bet I would have the time to do the things I love if I used my energy more wisely. I want to start thinking up ways to bring a smile to people’s face instead of a broken to their nose.

Now that is the stuff to imagine to daydream myself to sleep.

Only at my house...

Can the Boyfriend leave a light on in the living room when he leaves at 3:30 am for work, keeping the bird from going back to sleep.

Since the bird thinks it's time to be awake, she starts talking to the dog.

Yhe dog, knowing he is supposed to be asleep, ignores her (actually, he ignores her most of the time) and wanders back up the hall to sleep in my room.

The combination of her chatter and his tonails clicking wakes be up at 4 am where I am too groggy to figure out that Cheese is long gone and the light needs to be turned off.

In short, I am a little tired because the bird kept me up by having a very loud converstation with the dog.

Those hated words

I don’t know which is worse, the fail or the flashback.
Today, I was unable to come through on a deadline for shirts for one of our derby teams. I feel bad, but can’t do anything about the fact that the vendor put a larger order before ours, that’s life and if I had to make a choice between a large order and a less than 20 (shirts, not soap. An order of 20 bars is HUGE for me) I’d push the small order.

That really doesn’t make me feel any better about it, of course.
When I informed the team captain, she sounded understanding, but said her girls would be pissed. Then she said those hated words.
“It is what it is”
Flashback to my relationship with the Cowboy, who described our affair with those words. The description was accurate. You and I both know it lasted longer than it should have, that I should have walked away when he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship instead of hoping for all those months that he would develop feelings for me. I’m not saying I would trade the time we spent together, or that I regret it, but I understand the reality of it now. The reality is exactly as he put it on that last day. I was more into it than he was. It was what it was.
I realized the other day that it’s been two years since that ended. I still think of him often and hope he is well. Like any old wound though, mostly healed but maybe not completely, it still stings at unexpected times. The scar gets itchy, or something catches the last remnants of a lingering scab and makes it bleed again.
Then I started to think about other things. Other frustrations, other issues. Burn out is a problem right now. I would take a little break but don’t want to lose my responsibilities. I don’t want to quit. I remembered after an evening back at the rink how much I love the sport when I am not slipping and sliding and fearing for life and limb against floor outlets and extension cords.
Growing pains I suppose. I miss the simpler times. When uniforms didn’t have to match and I didn’t have to worry if the building was going to run out of TP. When I didn’t think that perhaps Derby had completely taken over my life…

Awed

Ten months ago today I recieved an amazing gift. (coincedentally, it was my birthday) The Loan Shark and Sharkess signed the gift letter showing that they were going to gift me the down payment to my house.

I have been doing my best to send them as much money as I can ever since. Which hasn't been as much as I wanted.

Last week, the IRS sent me my refund check (even though they teased me and told me it would be 6 weeks, it arrived a couple of days later)

About 30 minutes ago, I arranged to pay the balance to the LS family. Then I scheduled a payment that would wipe out my credit card.

I think I have enough to cover the last two bills as well although I may choose to knock out one of them and leave myself a little cushion. i like cushions. I'm expecting to be debt free (again) within 3 months.

I know that in order to remain this way, I am going to have to change some habits. I am already working on those.

Last weekend, when Cheese suggested we hit Costco, I declined. I didn't need anything there and tend to spend. Today, there was a man on craigslist selling a shop full of tools for $700 bux. SUCH a good deal. I have it, I could do it. but i know they would sit in my garage until i get around to cleaning it. progress on that project is SLOW. really slow. And i would incur more debt via interest rates while my shop full of toold gathered dust.

I'm learning. I'm trying to curb my spending habits. permenantly, not just until i get another wild hair to buy something cool.

There is so much cool stuff to have...

Over the mountains and through the woods

Chickie came to visit. It was awesome. I had myself all wound up and excited. I didn't sleep the night before. We drank Ass Kickers and shared an Awful Awful and chatted and then we went to the National Bowling Stadium to watch her husband bowl.

Then the sleepy kicked in. And the tequila because an Ass Kicker is really just a giant, cheap margarita. with cheap tequila.

Go see what Chickie had to say about it here

This is becoming an epidemic when I meet other bloggers. No wonder I am rarely invited to those all blogger meetup things that happen periodically and I can't really afford to attend anyway so what am I complaining about...

Need effective communication

I know this is not the place to talk about it. I know that the right thing to do is to go directly to the source and pound it out of him. But when my indication that something may be wrong is a twitter tweet, I feel a little more justified in thinking it out here. It may not have been directed at me at all. It may have been his way of letting me know that he was upset about something without actually coming to me. I don't generally respond to his twitters unless it's though the website and public so I won't respond to this one.

Not pleased. Noticed something tonight. And not the first time. Either. ???????

Since the only place he had been was at practice with me, I feel ok in guessing that whatever it is he is not pleased about has something to do with me. But as far as I know, I behaved as I always do. Wifey certainly didn't notice anything odd.

If he has a problem, if he wants an explaination, all he has to do is ask. While I haven't told him everything, I also have not lied. I could sneak over to his blog and do a little spying and see if he has posted about whatever it is, but I told him I wouldn't. I haven't. I won't.

I will just have to wait. and wonder. and maybe then just stop worrying about it because there is nothing I can do if he doesn't tell me he has a problem. Not the internet. Me.

It's not easy being Cheesy

I don't think I have ever felt so sorry for any man I have dated than I occasionally feel for Cheese. Not in the way that it sounds. It is not an overall pity I feel, I feel bad that he has to deal with me.

Actually, he doesn't HAVE to deal with me, he chooses to. Most days, things are sun shiney and great. Every so often though, the scary comes out. Some of it I have control over, other, I don't.

I consider myself a decent cook. Or, maybe it's just that if I cook something nasty, I will eat it anyway because I'm the only one complaining. No so anymore. Now, I am feeding someone else sometimes, and I suddely find that everything is overdone (steak) or just plain funky (like the stuffed chicken I made for Valentines day where I realized too late I didn't have bread crumbs so I used graham crackers instead). The nights when dinner comes out fabulous? He was out on the road. Now that he's in town all the time, hopefully he will be able to eat good food instead of scary stuff.

In town all the time. which, sadly, means that I am not in as much of a panic to spend as much time as possible with him before he leaves again. On the nights we do have together, I try to make it a point to give him my mostly undivided attention but when he goes to bed, I don't go with him unless I have to be up early too. Years of living alone and setting my own schedule have made me forget sometimes that those moments right before bed are some of the most important ones of the day. it's the time when you relax together. Chat and giggle and settle in for the night. They are the kind of intimate moments you don't share with anyone but the people closest to you. At least I don't. 

Last night I looked up and realized that Cheese had gone to bed and I didn't remember saying goodnight. I realized that I should go in there and spend a little before sleep time with him. That's where it all went wrong.

It was dark in the bedroom. so I didn't see the dog who likes to sleep in front of the door if I am not in bed yet and next to the bed if i am in it. He's a black dog. Dark room.

I stepped on the dog.

Poor Little Guy gave a yelp. Which frightened me so I screamed too.

which woke up my soundly sleeping boyfriend.

have you ever woken up to the sound of screams? I hope not. I'm lucky we didn't frighten him to death. I can't afford to buy another mattress, I haven't finished paying for the one he was on!

I couldn't help it though. I started giggling once we had it all sorted out. which probably made it worse. Especially since he was too groggy and shocked to realize what was so funny.

I should stop trying to be nice.