time just got away from me - the rest of stuff

before I fell off the face of the earth a bit there, I mentioned that I was going to see about going back to *Bucks to make some extra money.

I applied. I let a candle.

I never heard back.

The funny thing about intention is that the universe hears and answers. A couple of days after I lit that candle, a friend of mine contacted me about a job opportunity in Customer Service at the company she worked for. the pay and benefits were awesome and the opportunity meant that I would work from home. i missed working with the public.

a couple of days after that, I met a man at the airport who owns a cabinet shop in town. He was suggested that he might have an opportunity for a woman with my skill set. i missed working in construction.

I pursued both.

I now work at home. the increase in salary was enough that I was able to replace my darling Honda with something newer and sportier (still don't know if my booth set up will fit in there). I don't worry about getting stranded somewhere and having  to call someone to pick me up. not that my Honey ever let me down. but she was 14 and had 200+ hard miles on her. She was getting increasingly leaky. I nearly cried when I said goodbye.

I love my Nissan.

I learn something new every day. I feel challenged. I feel like my brain is active. I can pay my bills. I am blessed.

Life with Blood Thinners

It's about the same, actually.

I'm no longer having pain, and only the occasional swelling, mostly after running at the gym. I'm being careful with myself so there hasn't been any bruising.

My sexy stockings give me thigh high muffin tops.

HM is being good about not pushing the alcohol.

My mother keeps calling to make sure I'm okay.

The Dr bills are starting to roll in. The ER visit is going to cost me thousands. Thousands for sitting there and watching Pawn Stars. For a warm blanket and a short ride in a wheelchair. For the occasional nurse to come in and feel up my leg.

This is after insurance discounts. It does not include the cost of the blood thinner clinic, the doctor, the Urgent Care nurse, the ultrasound tech, follow ups with my PCP, or my visit with my OBGYN to discuss my reproductive stuff going forward.

Don't even get me started on the insurance topic. Despite the fact that I have it, it won't kick in until I have paid $3000 out of pocket. After this, I'll reach that. But it's December. Which means that will reset for next year in just a couple of weeks. 

I'll be looking at secondary employment. I'm going to try going back to Bucks. I had fun there and have experience. It's only temporary, right?

Where I'm at

I'm in a funny spot, overall.

In many ways, things are just fine. No real complaints. I'm a complainer, so I will always have SOME sort of complaint. But nothing that is really solid. Things are pretty darn good.

But jobwise, I need to start looking at where I want to be in 5 years. I haven't really done that before. Actually, I've been just allowing life to happen because it seems like every time I make a plan, it gets derailed.

It's been awhile since things have gone upside down and I am feeling confident that they will remain even keel. I have a more settled lifestyle than I did before. I make different decisions.

Bubbly Creations will always remain plan A. And I am fired up these days to make a go of it. Work harder and smarter on marketing and other places that I tend to ignore. I'm also finally ready to start leveraging the assistance of the people who have been offering it over the last 8 years. If I want to be successful, I need to use my tools. And I can't keep trying to do it on my own.

Plan B? I don't know yet. I know that BC is not going to sustain me or to get me ahead soon enough for me to do it full time until all that work I should have started years ago flowers. That might take a year or two. In the mean time, I still have a mortgage and credit cards to pay and a lifestyle to maintain. Even simple lifestyles cost money.

So I will start working on Plan B too. Where do I want to be in 5 years? I'm not sure. But it's not where I am at. There's nothing wrong with my job, I am grateful for it,  but I know I am capable of more. So much more. So my plan is to look at the opportunities at the company where I work and see what is available. To choose one and make a conscious effort at getting to that level, whatever that level might be. I have ideas about where I DON'T want to be, but until I know what else I want to do, I can't move forward.

I've never done that before. I've always gone elsewhere when I needed to better my position. It's possible that I will need to do just that. Moving companies though, that means starting over. Getting to know a new group of people. Proving my worth all over. Waiting for medical coverage and vacation days. Also, it feels like when I move companies I take a step back in many ways. I don't want to take any more steps back. Forward.

Forward so that I can do things like put a new roof on the house. Fix the fence. Landscape? Oh landscaping would be lovely. 5 years, make my house a better one and buy something new(er). Something with built in sprinklers and maybe air conditioning. Rent out the Elfin Cottage to a little family starting out and not sweat including the refrigerator and washer/dryer set in the rent. Make sure they have a good water heater since the one in the house now was purchased at a store that went out of business close to 20 years ago. Have the money in the bank that will cover a new dishwasher if they need it or anything else that might go sideways. I've been told that the number to hit is $10,000. I'm partway there.

Forward so that I can take a vacation once in awhile. A friend of mine is going to Thailand in October. I could go, but it would empty my savings account. Worth it for the experience, but not for the stress of losing my cushion. Also, that would put me behind in the goal I set out above.

Forward. In 5 years I'll be 41. I don't feel that old. It's not old. But life keeps moving even if I don't want to. I have to move with it. And that's where I'm at. Today.

Where I'm at

At the beginning of this year, I started an intention board and wrote down all the things that I intend to accomplish this year. It's colorful, covered in stars, and has plenty of room to grow. I've only had to fix one thing so far, and that's the part where I noted that I would sell GREATER than "x" number of bars of soap but I accidentally put "less" than. Oops. Fixed that, all better.

Some things I knew would hurt a bit in order to accomplish, like knocking out 1/2 of my credit card debt, some things I knew would take some work, like growing a front lawn, and others, I just trust will happen, like getting my "Nevada Made" certification which will open doors to wholesale opportunities to businesses who believe in buying local. The certification will cost money, but if I sell greater than the amount of soap I set out for myself, I'll be able to afford it.

I've always believed that big things can happen with a little bit of effort and a good attitude, so even when life is getting me down and I am struggling with having someone else live in my house, I remind myself of that. Then I go to the gym which is WAY better than shopping for a stress relief. I don't bring home clutter and I don't add to my debt. My heart is getting stronger and my body might be shrinking. Either that or my clothes are old and stretched out. could be both.

The ball is rolling fast on my debt reduction. I'm really excited about it. Between the roommate's rent, my better budgeting, a higher than expected tax return, and SURPRISE! Two unexpected checks this month, I should have one credit card knocked out by August. AUGUST!! (Maybe sooner)That's almost 6 months faster than I expected. Since I know that sometimes unexpected stuff comes up, it's possible that it may take a little longer, but I'm super excited to be knocking out $5,000+ in debt in just a few months. Technically, I've already reached one goal on my board since I wanted to reduce each card by half this year and the Master Card is at about 50%.

I planted my front lawn on Saturday. I've never planted a lawn before. I'll tell you, it took less seed and more dirt than I expected. And I didn't do it the way I was advised to, but I've been out there for the last two days at 7 am watering (it snowed on Monday). Grass can't be harder than vegetables, right? And I grow those every year! I have a plan. I believe I can do it.

Focus. Belief. Some sweat and tears.

There are so many things I want to do and accomplish. So many more things than what is on my little list.

Those grandmas know a thing or two

It occurred to me one day while I was working the cube with Bratty, that there's more to grocery store chicken than meets the eye.

You know what I'm talking about. The super cheap hot roast chicken you can get at the grocery for about $5. The ones that for some reason taste amazingly delicious.

I don't know about you, but I consider those a special treat. Maybe they shouldn't be.

A $5 chicken will cover about 3 meals for me if I am being a bit piggy. Even so, $1.67 isn't bad for a meal (or the protein part of one if I count sides). If I roasted that bird myself, I'd be paying about 10 for the bird plus the spices and cost of cooking it. And the burnout of smelling chicken for days since scents linger in my home.

So, stroke of genius. I've picked the bones pretty clean, there's skin because I try not to eat it, and all that other stuff that goes along with eating a chicken, Right?

I did what my grandmother (ok, likely my great grandmother, since Grandma is a pretty big fan of modern convenience) would do. I boiled up that carcass. Now I have chicken broth. Mildly flavored with lemon pepper, but now, when I make soup or rice or whatever else, I have a small supply of ready made, likely a bit healthier broth ready to go. And that $5 chicken just cost me $.67 per meal.  (4.5 2 cup jars of broth plus 3 meals worth of meat)

I think I'm going to pick up a chicken more often!

Now into the freezer with these!!

Irrational fears

I have many irrational fears. Some are easily explained, some are more complicated.

For example, I will not swim in lakes because there are lake zombies in there. There are no zombies in the ocean because its a moving body of water and also, sharks. But in lakes, the water just sits there in the lake bed. And the zombies reach up and grab your ankles and pull you down into the depths below. Tahoe and Pyramid are especially bad for zombies because they only connect to each other. And sometimes they find bodies in there. Bodies that have been in there for a very long time. centuries. and also, water babies. The thing that makes this fear even more irrational is that I don't believe in zombies. In fact, the whole zombie apocalypse craze pretty much pisses me off and makes me want to walk away while I call everyone an idiot. BUT you'll notice that they never start the stupid zombie apocalypse in the water because then it would be too real. I think. When zombie shit comes up on the Netflix, I go watch Toddlers and Tiaras.

Actually, I haven't watched that in a week or two.

Point being, that I have an irrational fear of someone bursting in on me when I'm in the shower at the gym. I like the gym. We have a healthy relationship. I go, sweat, shower, and go home. I've lost 5 pounds this way. I have every intention of losing more.

I think I mentioned  that since I go to the gym at night and I shower at night, that I would start showering at the gym to save money. And sweat stains on my car upholstery. That's a side benefit. But a good one. There's all sorts of winning going on there.

I'm a modest kind of girl. I don't wander around the locker room nakid. I make sure my girlie bits are covered until I'm in the shower stall and the curtain is safely closed. I lube up then wrap up before opening the curtain again.

Yet still, even though normal people know that a shut curtain means a full stall, I still worry about someone flinging open the curtain and seeing my butt. or worse.

Last night, I learned that my fears are not unfounded when I was just about done applying my body lotion (which never gets put on at home) and the curtain was suddenly flung open by some topless lady. I'm sure there was a look of horror on my face. After all, I was wearing nothing but a towel turban and flip flops. I was also facing the curtain.

She shut the curtain, apologized, explained that since I was so quiet in there that she didn't think the stall was occupied. Never mind that there were plenty of open stalls, never mind that my bright pink toiletry bag was hanging on the hook right next to the stall, never mind that I practically duct tape the curtain shut when I'm in there.

The consensus that occurred to my workmates and not to me? She wanted to see some boobies. And she did (so, much to my dismay, did I). Apparently, there are creepers everywhere. And not all of them are men.

Another Roommate Vlog

On Wild Hogs and Austerity Measures

I'm broke, blah, blah, blah, looking for a roommate, blah, blah, blah, on a strict budget.

Now, if you're new, you're caught up.

I found a roommate. (I might still post craigslist postings though if you guys like them. There is one more waiting to be published, and I made them "unlisted" so you should be able to see them now.). He seems pretty normal, moves in on the 1st, and has already put down a deposit with the balance of the first month's rent due on the 27th.

When he handed me the cash, I was like, "OH BOY!! MONEY!!" And I immediately started plotting how I would spend it. Fence repairs! Dinner! A shopping spree to Costco where I can spend it on MEAT! I'm almost out of meat. I can have new pants! My pants are falling off again. I can refill my Starbucks card and have coffee treats! A new belt! My last one was purchased sometime around 2001. New shoes! Makeup!  At this point, the voice in my head started reminding me of the reasons why I ended up in this mess in the first place. "Sock away that cash", she said, "you don't want to have a roommate forever and eventually, your car will need to be replaced".

So, I'll admit, that I spent a little. I bought some candy, some cake mix, and a closet rod for the spare room. Not only is the rod installed already, but I got to use my chop saw and that made me VERY happy. I think I spent about $40 of the deposit. That's not much, but it's a lot for me. I don't want to slip back into old habits. It would have been REALLY easy to wander around the home improvement store and pick up a few "wants" that I think are "needs".

So it's back to my austere budget. Meal planning, weekly grocery shopping. I did really good last month, coming in under budget and moving things around when I needed to. I love the envelope method and REALLY enjoy dropping my change into my change jar. I didn't overdraw my account. But 1 month, that's easy peasy. It's changing my habits long term that will be hard. Especially with extra funds coming in. (A new TV! A New Roof! A front lawn! And occasional steak dinner!)

I'm sticking to it though. I may fund a few things before I start attacking the credit cards hard core. If he always pays me in cash, then this will mean that I won't be pulling my budget out of my checking account every 2 weeks, I will (hopefully) be depositing leftover cash into it.

Overall, it's just nice to feel like I have a little wiggle room.

Growing Pains

I hope that I am always growing. Changing for the better. Getting closer to the person that I want to be.

Call it PMS, over stimulation, over tired, low blood sugar, call it what you want but I recently found myself behaving in a manner that was NOT the person that I want to be. And it made me wonder if that bad attitude has been festering for awhile. Coloring my life in an ugly manner and causing issues with the people that I care about.

Generally, when things go wrong, I ask myself what I did to cause it. Over the last year, I learned that it isn't always me, that other people, in their imperfection, also contribute to the dysfunction of a relationship. This doesn't mean that I do not contribute, only that I may not be the only problem.

Since I can only control myself, I want to do whatever I can do to make sure that I am not being an asshole. It's not always easy.

It doesn't help that when I decide to make a life overhaul, I tend to do it all at once. The strict budgeting is taking it's toll. I didn't think it would be easy, and I think overall it's been easier than I thought it would be, but it's still hard. I have slipped a couple of times, I hear that happens, I know it will get easier. I contacted another possible roommate today. That will help a lot. 1 year of roommate will knock out 1 credit card plus about half of the other (as long as I continue to pay what I am paying on them and don't add more debt). 15 months of roommate will pay them off completely if I add another $50 in payments each month (which I already started doing to cover the fun I had for the New Year). I really like how that story goes. Will it actually work that way? probably not. But I can do my best. Realistically, 2.5 years with a roommate should pay off both cards. I am not counting tax returns or bonuses in this amount. I AM taking into account travel expenses.

I started going to the gym again, which seems to be working to helping my mood and focus, but that takes time away from the dog. So I am trying to take him for more walks, and now that I'm home before dark and it's warming up, hopefully we can start meeting his doggy friends again.

My interpersonal relationships are... A little messy right now. Some are great! Others, need something. Vitamins? Medication? Communication? CPR? I'm not sure. And I don't know if I am equipped to give any of those things. I do know that I have started to question the kind of friend that I am. And I worry that I'm not a good one. I think I need to try harder and give more. I just don't know how. I do know that in some cases, I'm seeing the same patterns that I have seen since elementary school.  I think I need to fix that. I need to be more appreciative of the people I have. All of them, not just the ones that I see all the time. I've said it before, no one person should have to carry the burden of being my only friend. If it sounds terrible to hear that I may have to put people on my to-do list, please understand that this is how I make them a higher priority in my life. by reminding myself to give attention to the people who are important to me.

I know I need to re prioritize many things. I talk about it a lot, and always intend to fix the priorities. And in some ways, I'm working on it. It's just easier sometimes to slip into old habits.

Friends, of any sort, I need to foster those. Learn to have more than one or two friends at a time. When was the last time I sent love to one of my friends south of here? When was the last time I sent a text just to say "hello"? When was the last time I planned an outing instead of waiting for someone to invite me to theirs?
Derby, I need to give less. It's become a bad relationship. The kind where I give more than I get. I don't think I will  give it up completely any time soon, but it also doesn't need to consume as much of my energy as it does. I need to set boundaries here.
BC needs more of me.
Chango needs more of me too.
I should be writing this down on some sort of goal list. and making a plan.
I need more of me, but I am making progress here. I've been doing a lot of "nothing" lately (if nothing is knitting and watching TV) and it feels good. But I need to balance it out and not spend my entire weekend watching Toddlers and Tiaras. I need to set boundaries here too.

So, here is where I am beginning. Hopefully this will work. I've split my obvious issues into categories. Friends, Derby, BC, Chango, Self, Home. I'm going to allocate time to all of those things. Not daily, maybe not even weekly. But if I want to change, I have to start somewhere. And it will help to see where I am spending my time. and how I am spending it.

Step 2 ????

Step three, MONEY!!

I know. I'm a fruitcake. But after all that seriousness, I needed a smile. I found this free online printable. It's an appointment book page which won't actually fit in my appointment book, but at least I can use it to plan out my time. Actually, I think I am going to hang it on my studio wall. I printed 5. I don't want to waste paper in case I stop using it, but at least I can use it in conjuntion with my regualr planner.

Here's to change and trying to be a better me

As promised, A Roomate Video Blog

Exercises, exercises, help me do my exercises

I signed up for the gym a little ahead of time and for a little more than I expected, but as long as I don't make a habit out of those late night side trips to Super Burrito for a half order of steak nachos, I think I will be okay.

It went down a bit like this:

The gym nearby that has a pool but is cheaper and has better hours than the community center where I was getting my sweat on is also attended by a friend of mine. He had a 7 day buddy pass, which, he had offered to me about a month ago. I wasn't ready to join up at that point.

Then a few days ago I thought, hey, I'll use his pass, and by the time the 7 days are up, I will be a little closer to funding a membership, and it shouldn't cause financial discord.

By the way, BIG thanks to Chickie for helping me to find an extra $13 in my budget.

By my calculations and with my friend's input, I figured that a membership would be $10 per month (that is what he pays) and I would save $3. Unfortunately, the reality is that he got in on a deal that is no longer available. I could pay $10 per month, but it would cost me $145 to sign up. I REALLY don't have $145 laying around. I mean, I do, but I don't want to touch the savings account for stuff like this. In fact, I want to put that cushion back in there.

There was a new deal. $29 sign up, $20 per month. Since Chickie saved me $13, I only had to find $7. The deal ended yesterday, so I took it. A little early, I know, but my first month was free, I had the $29 in cash because I didn't need to grocery shop last week and I didn't spend my whole entertainment allowance last month.

Here's the thing that I realized the other night.

That $7 is going to be pretty easy to find. Not only am I spending more time exercising and less time doing things that might cost me money, BUT if I go to the gym at night, and shower there, then I'm not paying to shower at home. I'm saving water and gas to heat my hot water heater. Time will tell how much I save this way, but come spring, when it warms up a bit and I'm not running the heater, things should look a bit prettier. I haven't showered at home in 2 days.

I do understand that I'll need to up my food budget. This way I'll have easier and healthier options at home so I won't be tempted to swing by super burrito. Which I only did once, and don't plan to do again any time soon. Plan being the operative word here, those things are delicious. And cured my foot cramps.

The 52 Week Challenge

I noticed the other day that there was a new popular thingy going around on Pinterest. The 52 week Challenge.

Since most stuff like this tends to catch my eye, make them roll, and then I move on, I thought I would stop for a moment and actually see what it was all about.

I entered it into my favorite search engine and sure enough, it was a variation on the penny trick used for MANY years to to teach children the value of saving. In short, it's all about compounding. 1 penny today, 2 tomorrow, and soon enough, MONEY!!

Only in this case, it's $1 this week, (not a problem) $2 next week, (still not a problem) and so on. 52 weeks later, MONEY!

You can see the chart here.

What no one seems to remember is that this money has to come from somewhere. And when you are on a tight budget, it's difficult to say where the money will come from. Sure, I can come up with $1 for this week, and maybe $2 next week, but when we start getting into the $5 and the $10, it gets a little more difficult. In fact, you start risking dipping into my grocery or gas fund.

By week $40, you just took both my grocery AND gas fund. In Week 50, there's no more money for the dog and the bird to eat. Sure, I have saved over $1,000, but I broke my budget doing it. Sound extreme? from what I see, for many Americans, it's reality.

I find it easier to build a specific amount directly into my budget. I put $30 per week on automatic withdrawl. I've had to learn to check each week on Friday to ensure that the money will be in there to be removed on Monday, but since I started doing that, I haven't overdrawn. The one time I was going to, I went ahead and put a stop on the transfer.

Over all, at $30 per week, for 52 weeks, I save over $1,500. Which is actually not too much more than the 52 week challenge, but I also don't have to worry about where I'm going to find that cash (if I have it, and it's not in an envelope, I'm going to spend it somewhere) it's already allocated.

Do what works for you, but I've put quite a bit of money away over the years this way and give myself regular raises. It seems to be one of the few financial things I've done right!

The Great Roommate Search

Since I don't generally look at my prior posts before I post another one and I'm really forgetful, I'm not sure if I have mentioned that as part of my financial cleanup I'm looking for a roommate.

It has been argued that I am not trying hard enough, but a few things come into play. I don't want to post my info all over the internet, so I am not placing an ad. Ok, I admit, my info is already all over the internet, but right now, I don't want to deal with a bunch of creepers calling me.

Instead, I am looking in the "housing wanted" section of craigslist. I have contacted a few people. One got so far as talking about a meeting, through her friend's mom, but never actually set one up.  Another is supposed to let me know when he actually arrives in town. We communicated via text. Tomorrow is February 1, I don't think I'm going to hear from him. I'm thinking that his Girlfriend didn't actually want him to follow her to college. A couple decided that my home would not be a good fit, one because it was not geographically convenient (reasonable) one because she wanted housing for her and her 90 pound dog for $200 per month or less since she is a student and can only eat organic food, which, of course is expensive and eats up most of her schooling budget. She won't work during the semester and has been unable to get temporary employment during breaks. I'm thinking, based on her diet, that working at McDonalds just isn't an option for her.

There's some really interesting people out there, so I did what any mediocre blogger would do, I started filming myself reading the posts to you. I have one in my pocket. It's short. And unedited. Not because I can't edit it, but because I started to and then I got bored and went back to Netflix and Knitting. In my world, knitting and Netflix is way more exciting than video editing.

And then the Enablers

I received a text message from my mom the other day. It was a link to a sale going on at *insert national chain of craft stores here*. It said something to the effect of, I know you aren't spending right now, but remember that yarn you wanted?

I did see some yarn I wanted while I was in San Diego last time and although I carried it around for a bit, I remembered that I don't actually NEED more yarn. In fact, since I am a spinner, I have more yarn than I tend to use. The colors were stunning, and in a hat, would have been stripey. At the time, I reminded myself that I shouldn't spend money on something I could make AND that I was on a budget AND didn't actually have a project in mind. I still have three scarves that are looking for a home.

I didn't buy it then, and though it's tempting, I won't be buying it now.

My mom, she means well. And since she didn't get to spoil me as a child, likes to spoil me now. She would have bought that yarn for me that day except she really can't afford, well, anything right now. She also knew that if she had offered I would have refused. In her mind, even though it's not in my budget, it would be okay to buy that yarn because I like it, I wanted it, and it's on sale.

Exactly the attitude that gets me in trouble.

It's difficult enough to tell myself that I can't have liquid coffee creamer this week because it will put me over budget (actually, I think I CAN have it this week). Every time I dump the powdered stuff into my cup I think about how I put myself in this situation.

By buying everything I want because I want it and maybe it might even be on sale.

Hmm. choices, choices.

Since I am coming to understand that while my desire for things and experiences is infinite, my income is not, I'm finding myself having to make choices.

I'm not really very good at making choices. Too many options and I shut down. It's another of the many things I struggle with on a daily basis. I've learned to limit my own choices so as not to be annoying when I can't decide what I want to order off a menu (if it comes down to it, I will close my eyes and point) and try to help other people deal with my indecision by explaining that I need three choices, and I will pick from there. Any more than that and I am likely to go blank and take so long to decide that we may as well just starve. If you ask me what I want to do today, chances are I'm going to look at you like a deer in the headlights because while I may know what I want to do with my day by myself, I likely have no idea what I want to do WITH someone. So I will defer to your idea OR try and come up with something you will enjoy. This is probably the reason why, when the inner brat starts in, I give in, because it's just NICE to be passionate about wanting something.

Some choices are logical and I can use hard data to help me make a decision.

Other times, it's not so easy.

I'm finding myself torn between Netflix and a Gym Membership.

Netflix, of course, provides a great deal of entertainment at my house. I like getting a DVD in the mail every few days and use it as an opportunity for either downtime or crafting time on the couch. In other words, Netflix = Relaxation. I don't have cable so barring the DVDs and Videos I have been watching over and over for years, Netflix is my source for new entertainment. I have recently been watching Hulu, but that is limited to what is available. And if it's a current show, and I don't know the back story, well, I may as well have Netflix.

The Gym would save me about $2 per month. And I would love to go. I felt GREAT during those three months I gave myself for my birthday and would have kept on going if I hadn't run into the money wall. I found a place that is the same distance away as the community center with a pool, better hours and options, and for $20 less per month. The Gym = health. But it also means a little less time with the pup and less down time, which, I think we all need.

I feel like I am building a character on The Sims or a similar geeky game. Where I have finite funds and finite personal resource and I have to build myself into the best person I can. No wonder those games are so popular; allocating the resources is as easy as clicking an icon.

In case you are wondering why I don't use Derby as my exercise, my injuries are such that I can only participate in SOME of the drills which means I spend a lot of time helping with Fresh Meat. I don't get a lot of exercise that way (I DO get a lot of personal satisfaction though!). In a 2 hour practice, I'm lucky to get 30 minutes of hard exercise. Typically, it's closer to 15.  In addition to that, I plateaued with skating, fitnesswise. I need to change it up to get the right amount of exercise in order to meet my heath and weight loss goals. This means that I can't JUST skate, I need other forms of exercise as well. Since I don't like jogging about the neighborhood, and I'm likely to get distracted at home, the gym is my best choice for a well rounded exercise regime.

It would be easy if there weren't benefits to both. I do consider the Library an option for movies, I just don't know if they have a good selection. And I'm bad about returning things. I owe them money. On the flip side, I work less than a block from one! So there really isn't a good excuse there.

Both is not currently an option. Sigh.

Support System

It's amazing how when you start out on a journey, you don't know you will need a support system until it comes out of the woodwork to help you.

I'm fortunate. I got to watch Bratty for a long time before I decided that I wanted a similar level of financial comfort as she enjoys. She isn't wealthy, but she doesn't sweat it if she forgets her lunch at home and has to order delivery. She's kind enough to listen when I tell her all about my latest scheme for saving money, usually something she's already done, and doesn't fault me when I splurge a little on something.

I'm fortunate. My Wife gets it too. As a recent college graduate, she has to watch her pennies carefully. So if I tell her I can't come out because it's not in the budget, she gets it. While I am deeply honored that I have friends who want my company so much that they are willing to ignore my budget shortfalls and will try to convince me to go out, what I need is people who will accept that I can't right now, so that I CAN in the future.

I found a surprising ally in my journey the other night in my friend Russ. It was he that got to hear the brunt of my inner child's hamburger temper tantrum the other night because we happened to be texting when it hit. Russ has seen all of my food related issues. He's seen me "normal", he's seen me famished and unsure what I want, just that I need to eat SOMETHING and soon. And now, he's seen the ugly flip side of that. It happens, I laugh about it, I try to avoid the behavior, like so many bad behaviors I have.

Russ considered taking me out to dinner that night so that I could have a burger and fries. But he realized that by doing so, he wasn't helping me. And he's right. Spending his money doesn't fix the problem where I overspend mine. He even said I sounded like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. He has kids, he knows that you can't give them what they want, even when that kid is hiding in the body of an adult. I laughed, I saw that too. I agreed with him that those temper tantrums need to stop, that although they are funny, and stem from my body needing specific nourishment (there are exceptions to this), it can be annoying and expensive to give into those. I do not wish to be spoiled and demanding in any way, shape or form, and I am fortunate to have friends that not only know that, but want to help me on my financial journey so that I can avoid being that way.

Repercussions

I live in a world where there are consequences for my actions. They may not happen right away, but eventually the things I do catch up with me.

It drives me crazy, by the way, to be around people who have no apparent consequences to their actions.

This is the reason for the budget, as I have been pounding into the blogosphere for the last couple of months. In just a few years, I have managed to put myself right back into the same amount to debt I was in when I got my job at Starbucks. Clearly, I just didn't learn my lesson the first time.

I'm doing good. I'm avoiding situations where I might spend money, even if it means that I miss out on the fun, but since I'm at home, I'm having to find things to do, which means catching up on projects that I would otherwise be putting off.

Today I had an invitation to go to breakfast after practice. There would be lots of great derby girls there and a chance to get to know people I don't normally hang out with. It was easy to say no, because it isn't in my budget. (Technically, this would be in the entertainment budget but that's gone) what wasn't easy was refusing the kind offer to have my breakfast paid for. I didn't want to be rude, but...

I don't want to be that girl, and I think I have been in the past. The one who lives beyond her means by letting other people take care of her. Like the night I popped in to say hi to the ladies who were having dinner after practice,  not intending to stay, knowing I didn't have the money, and ended up having my dinner paid for. This wasn't by design, I would have done the same for someone else, but it doesn't make me feel good about myself.

Missing these things is the repercussion for overspending. It's a price I have to pay for getting myself in order and getting my bills paid off so that in the future I CAN go to breakfast or go get a burger without counting the change in the change jar. That $10 I would have spent on breakfast is $10 I need to fix my car or the fence or to go to LA for my sister's birthday.

I know I talk about it a lot, but I'm seeing money in a whole new way. Not as an infinite resource but as a precious commodity that I need to survive I the manner to which I am accustomed. Except that I can't do it in the manner to which I am accustomed because that way is more than I have. And that means not spending what other people have as  well.

Shut up, you.

So, strangely, I have been having a lot of run ins with my inner child. I think all this budget madness is bringing her out. She's even appearing in my dreams. How else can you explain the presence of a blond girl who looks suspiciously like me around age 11?

Next time I see her, we're gonna have a little chat.

Anyhow, I get home from the grocery store where, because I was using coupons, I spent this week's AND last week's food budget (getting ahead means a trip to Costco for meat and such), Coupons. They trip me up a lot because they are often 50 cents or $1 off... of 15. And I think, WHAT A GREAT DEAL!! and end up spending $20 to save $1.

The manufacturers are laughing all the way to the bank. I need to be more careful.

So, I go to the store and I come home and I'm hungry. And the inner child announces she wants a hamburger. With big thick salty steak fries. NOTHING ELSE WILL DO.

So I tell her, I will feed you crescent rolls! (NO!) I will feed you biscuits!! (NONONO!!)

I checked the change jar. A trip to wherever is going to be at least $10 and at the rate I'm going, I'm not going to escape without a milkshake. (this inner child of mine isn't just a brat, she's a fat kid). There's like, $5 in there. Can't use the travel budget, I overspent many months of that on Six Flags.

I joked to a friend of mine that I considered selling the dog.

Thankfully, I managed to distract her with promises of pork chops and mashed potatoes. Biscuits. Because really a craving is your body telling you it needs something. In my case, meat and carbs. I will likely sneak some broccoli in there. I wonder if it's too late to put carrots in the mashed potatoes? (probably)

And I get it. I've been really really good. Eating well and sticking not only to my budget but to a menu as well. But my inner child, she's tired of lentil soup.

But I can't let her go on running my life. She's not very good with money. I have a full candy jar that will attest to that!

The state of the budget

The state of the budget is good. I managed to go 2 weeks without spending anything outside my budget with the exception of celebrating the New Year. Last week I only spent money on gas. I was thrilled to see, when I checked my bank account last night pre pay, that there were no surprises and no fees. My belly is full, the critters are fed, and the fence fell down again.

My Epiphany

As you know from my last post, after reading about an Epiphany cake, I decided I needed to make one. Then I remembered that I don't have money to put in said Epiphany cake. Which is probably good because I'm not actually Christian, do not celebrate Epiphany, and would likely make a mockery of this occasion.

The universe in all it's wiseassery, still answered my Epiphany prayer. I'm still giggling.

I spent most of my weekend cleaning out and reorganizing my Studio (which really needs a more creative name. I'm open for suggestions. G Rated ones. I can't go around on the Bubbly Creations blog and Twitter talking about my Sadomasochistic Sex Dungeon, which, I have friends that swear existed in my last house. I never found it).

About halfway through yesterday, I decided I needed a cookie. After all, I CLEANED OUT THE STUDIO. It's so clean that I can roll my chair at high speeds from one corner to the other. I even took a video of it. The chair rolling.

I stopped the madness for a few minutes (BEFORE I threw up from all that chair rolling) and made some chocolate chip cookies.

I use the term "chocolate chip" loosely because it turns out that before he went off to his new home, Oliver ate all but about 10 of my delicious 60% cocoa dark chocolate chips without telling me JUST TO SPITE ME one last time.

I mixed them in anyway. The cookies are delicious. And, maybe, just MAYBE, you'll get one with a prize inside! One tasty melty molten chocolate chip surprise. Happy Epiphany to me!

To use the alternate definition of epiphany, I had one. Then I forgot what it was. But since I want to upload said video, I might remember before you even knew I forgot.

30 seconds later... Oh yeah! I should probably check stock on my chocolate chips more often now that Oliver has a new home and won't be eating them all when I am not paying attention...

The video. Watch at your own risk.