Happy HNT-Cougar Edition

For the record, I'm over it. yesterday. Now I think it's funny.

It's like flying to me. Happy HNT

Gutterbutt is calling the jam behind me. I fell behind in the next picture and was unable to catch back up.


And sometimes, it's more like falling.


I love my Reno Roller Girls and Can't wait to bout again in September!!

Whirlwind HNT

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks.

My first derby bout went smashingly. I skated well, and have confidence that with work I can be even better.

Then it was off to Yosemite where I performed my second wedding ceremony at Glacier Point. It was a wonderful wedding, intimate and fun. But three days away when I felt like I needed to be home.

The rush of wedded bliss had me signed back onto Yahoo Personals as if it would be the answer to all of my troubles. I had a date planned for tonight with a a fellow who I first spoke to before I met Cowboy, before I moved. He's a little beyond my age range but I wanted to give it a try.

He had to cancel, but was apologetic. And I? wasn't really surprised. I've lost count of the cancellations, the disappointments. All I can figure is that the universe, for some reason, said, "not tonight dear".

Cable and internet will be set up in the new place on Saturday and I can start moving in, or should be able to, on Sunday. I know that packing is going to be a larger chore than I think it is and I haven't started.

I have another bout in a couple of weeks.

My knees hurt.

I've become easily irritated at practice.

I'm not sleeping properly.

It's gotta calm down soon.

Another Derby HNT

The other day, I met a fella who said he had a hard time imagining me as a Reno Roller Girl. Because, you know, it's possible to know me after just a couple of hours.

Perception is everything and I like to think I have more than one facet. It's picture time tonight. I have to admit though. I can make myself up to look as tough as I want, but I'll probably fall on my ass in front of the camera.

After Shower conversations and Happy HNT

I mentioned in that chat area of the show tonight that I had particularly fine cleavage today. So I took a picture. But no one said, "oh yeah? let's see!" so since it is particularly marvelous, happy HNT.

In the meantime, I had the following conversation with Poo.

Me: Goodnight Poo!

Poo: GASP! goodnight.

Me: Did I scare you again? (I startle Poo every time I walk into the room. I am not exactly quiet)

Poo: yeah

Me: you spend too much time alone.

BTW, during the radio show, there was an "earthquake" in my apartment. I am pretty sure (now) that it was the washing machine's spin cycle shaking my room and not an actual earthquake. You know. in hindsight and AFTER I made a spectacle of myself.

And yes. I am. Goodnight!

Happy HNT!

I forgot to mention the part last night where the janitor said he would be my stalker if he were not married. That creeped me out more than a bit.

Happy HNT!

I skipped practice tonight, partially to listen to Jestertunes on blogtalkradio, but mostly because damnit, I am tired. Today I spent most of my day pulling ceramic tile out of a shower (drywall too). Add that to my exhaustion from last night's practice and my slightly sore ankle, and I decided to leave it for a night.

SO I made myself a big cup of mint chocolate cocoa. Happy HNT

HNT-Am I nuts?

I've posted pictures of my boobs, up close. I've posted pictures of me in my bikini. Pictures of all sorts of HNT me. So why does this one make me nervous? (I see London, I see France...) Maybe it's the knee socks. They're provocative...

Happy HNT!

Turkey Coma edition

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. Mine was good. I missed my family. I think I will always regret not finding a way "home" for the holidays. Lesson learned.

Happy HNT-New Underwear edition

If you have been reading this blog for any reasonable amount of time you know that I can't bear shopping for clothes. Unless of course, it's formal gowns, in which case it's better that you get me out of the store right now. You also know that my boobs are a subject I can talk about all day.

I bought my last batch of bras about 6 months ago. Might be 8 I'm not sure. I can only find bras that fit at Vicky's. That means they are expensive. And since they like to make the kind you can't wash in the machine, and since my boobs keep growing, those damn things were obsolete within a couple of months.

I finally went shopping, after weeks of living in sports bras. I tried Macy*s. The bras didn't fit, but I discovered corsets! on sale! And what do you know, they were comfortable! Like the chi chis were floating! I bought one in every color. And I headed to Vicky's for standbys. (found some I can wash)

I couldn't wait to wear my new underwear. It was going to be fantastic. Fan-frickin-tastic. Until I put my work clothes on. And discovered that they just don't look right over a corset.

Now I have lots of pretty underclothes and nothing to wear over them.

I just can't win.

Happy HNT!

Happy HNT!

I know I am a little bit early. But I always forget until late and, I had something positive to say.

I know I have not been very good about being all confident and strong and shit lately. And I don't know how long it will last, nor do I know how long I will stick to the following, but it seems to be working a little bit right now, and I can't complain about that.

You see, instead of coming home and waiting for my phone to ring, (sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't) I've been hitting the gym. And although I am not in as good of shape as I think I should be, I am improving. I also think I am finally acclimating. I can climb the stairs at work now and I only get a little bit winded. (as opposed to feeling like I might go ahead and DIE when I reach the top)

So, Monday when I went, I was able to be on the cardio machine for all of mmm, 10 minutes and today? 20 minutes, with only short water breaks.

And this is all good because I don't take my phone to the gym with me. Nope, it's far away where I can only wonder if it is ringing which is a good thing because it means I am obsessing just a little bit less. Or at least I can't check the phone to see if i happened to miss a call which really does happen sometimes. PLUS, since I don't generally call anyone after 8, I don't expect calls after 8, which means that I only have an hour or so to wonder if the phone might ring. AND going to the gym firms up my butt. and my belly. and it's good for my heart. AND since I do a little bit of yoga (a very little bit, but, whatever) it's good for the rest of my systems too.

So something good can come of my idiocy. Now to work on the brain...

Happy HNT!

It's easy, I think, to get so wrapped up in the drama that is life, that we forget how lucky we are. To focus so hard on the difficult part of the journey that we forget that every great adventure has it's cold dark mountainous moments.
Lately, I have been doing just that.
But today, as work was just a little less ugly, and life just a little more sunny, I snapped out of my funk and remembered that I am beyond blessed.
Sure, I live in testosterone central. But right this minute, with my belly full of steak and biscuits (and who doesn't love steak and biscuits?) I am reminded that holy crap! I just had steak for dinner! Again! I may get frustrated with my lack of alone time, but oh my goodness! I'm not paying rent! which means I can save up and achieve my dream of homeownership. That in and of it's self is a blessing that I cannot possibly ever repay.
My job? might be very frustrating. But it's a challenge. And On days like today, I actually feel like I can meet the challenge. And perhaps on days when I don't, I can remember today. And I will make it through. It's what I do.
Cowboy? I still don't know the answer. I know what you guys tell me to do. I'm listening. But I have to make my choices for me. And if I make the wrong one, I have to learn from it. I'd rather not have him tell me lies or settle into a relationship he isn't ready for. That's why I want to take time to make a choice in the matter. Because I swing back and forth between being ok with the situation and being what Cowboy would call "butt hurt" over it. I my mind, butt hurt means that you're all bent out of shape over something that isn't really a big deal. It's more of an affront to your ego than anything. Truly? I don't think I am being played. And I just have this very strong feeling that a little bit of time is just what I need before the answer will be provided. Right now, I feel like I have all the time in the world. And I will continue to appreciate the time he shares with me because I like his company.
Thats all.

I'm starting to get creative-er

Happy HNT!

I slept with this pile of laundry last night, and I think I'm going to sleep with it again tonight. so there.

Happy HNT!

Every so often, I visit a fucked up bathroom. And I always wish that I had taken a picture because no one could possibly believe how incredibly fucked up this bathroom is.

This one wasn't so bad, but I happened to have my camera with me. It was taken in Virginia City a couple of weeks ago. Knowing now what I didn't know then, is just how damn haunted that place is. sadly, I am only recently getting my "feelings" back after a year's hiatus, but happily, while visiting VC for the second time, I felt a lot. I'm still looking for the ghostie in the picture. I don't think there is one.

FYI, I am standing up in the stall NOT sitting down. And I did get caught taking the picture, but the other lady didn't mind since you can't see her. (she was sitting down. not in the stall with me, you freak.)

HNT

good clean fun

BTW, my eyes are red from environmental irritants. damn fires.

momentary something or other

Will someone please find me a bra that fits? please?

There was supposed to be a picture with that, but as soon as the camera was rolling, the bra suddenly fit. so you get me face instead.

Happy HNT, for the first time in a long time

I had to know if it is true (and HNT)

Bossman is always telling me that he can tell when I'm smiling (usually because (he thinks) I got some) because he can see my cheeks pop up at the sides of my head.

Today, I was walking to my car when a man drives up beside me and tells me that I have the prettiest smile in town. After I thanked him, I asked if he can see me smiling from behind. I wouldn't have asked but he drove up from behind and I had never seen him before in my life. He just laughed.

So of course I had to take a picture of me smiling from behind. I would like to make the following observations regarding a part of my body I don't see very often.

"Hey! my hair looks pretty cool! I didn't know it was a figure eight today!"(I don't check the back of my head, I just fix and go)
"Damn I have a scrawny neck"
"HEY! you CAN'T see me smiling from behind! Bossman's full of shit!" but I already knew that. So happy HNT, from the back of my head.

No Title today

I am finding work to be increasingly frustrating. For 3 and a half years I have been working towards a goal. My job is to be in control. My game? Documents. And I watch every day as that control slips through my fingers more and more. Sure, I go through the motions. I do what I can. In a lot of ways I don't think it is getting better, I think it is getting worse.

It used to be that my boss and I were the only ones in our department who had AutoCAD, and therefore all drawings were created by us. Now, there are 6 or 7 people with the program and in some cases, only limited experience with it. Today, I found an entire cache of documents that we were unaware of. I have been told to pretend they are not there.

The Architect, can't be bothered with properly numbering, dating, or noting revisions. I said something once. I was warned that someone got fired for that once. I keep my mouth shut. I like my lifestyle. Harbucks alone canot support that. add that to the fact that I am rarely told when a check print becomes a real drawing, and you can see how I might need to gripe a bit. In the end? No As Builts.

My Executive Director, bless him, hands out documents like candy. I am the one who is embarassed when someone comes along and asks what drawing a vendor has. That information is supposed to be recorded. Th drawings are supposed to be signed out and tracked. I can't do that when they are being passed around without my knowlege.

I thought expressing that to someone other than my coworkers would help. Sorry about the work rant. The thing is, that I am a little bored, I think. in addition to being frustrated. But I don't want to leave because I have excellent pay, great benefits, and I will be fully vested in my 401K next year. More free money for my retirement someday. I don't want to start over somewhere new only to find the same shit. I just want to make soap.

I'm slipping in other ways, I slept through my alarm today and was late. At Harbucks, I get so stressed and frazzled I can hardly function. And I know that isn't who I am.

Work aside, things are great. I still maintain that quitting Match.com was a brilliant idea. I still maintain that I would like for my coffee crush to ask me out on a date. The more I get to know him, the more I WANT to get to know him. Could just be because he's cute. It's also possible that he has a girl in his life based on one I've seen him around a lot lately. Deep down though, I think it's terribly nice to be interested in someone who isn't T. It's healthy. Sure, I'm all goofy and twitterpated and all shy and embarassed, even though I try to hide it (I'm a blusher. I can't hide anything). But its a hell of a lot better than pining. A hell of a lot better than crying and beating myself up for "letting such a good one get away" Distraction has always been my best healer, and Coffee Crush does an excellent job of it. I also helps that I have not heard from T. I am worried about him. He will either come back into my world, even if on the fringes, or he won't. Either way, there's nothing I can do but be his friend. I will always be his friend. I care about his state of being.

I had a wonderful time at work last night. One question. I think this is an old wives tale. that it is possible to get Pink Eye from getting, um, secretions in your eye. You know, because sometimes that happens to people, and um, according to my coworker, it's a source of pink eye, but I'm thinking that there should not be bacteria in that um secretion. And don't ask how it came up in conversation. I'm having a good giggle over the thought that my seesters and my cousin will read this. But they are used to me by now.

and in closing, as requested, Gina the Ass Kisser




Gotta love Oatman. Happy HNT

Domestic HNT and a mini rant

Proof that I actually do iron.

and now my mini rant.

Nothing angers me more, or hurts me more, I suppose is more accurate, than someone who makes plans with me and then breaks them. Even when there is a good reason. even when they seem remorseful. I guess it wouldn't be such an issue if it didn't happen a lot. You would think that I would be used to it. in many ways I am. I actually expected tomorrow's cancellation, even though I was looking forward to the outing. On the bright side, I now have plenty of time to tend to business before the craft fair on Saturday. on the not so bright side, when you wander around expecting people to dissapoint you, they usually do.