Shut up, you.

So, strangely, I have been having a lot of run ins with my inner child. I think all this budget madness is bringing her out. She's even appearing in my dreams. How else can you explain the presence of a blond girl who looks suspiciously like me around age 11?

Next time I see her, we're gonna have a little chat.

Anyhow, I get home from the grocery store where, because I was using coupons, I spent this week's AND last week's food budget (getting ahead means a trip to Costco for meat and such), Coupons. They trip me up a lot because they are often 50 cents or $1 off... of 15. And I think, WHAT A GREAT DEAL!! and end up spending $20 to save $1.

The manufacturers are laughing all the way to the bank. I need to be more careful.

So, I go to the store and I come home and I'm hungry. And the inner child announces she wants a hamburger. With big thick salty steak fries. NOTHING ELSE WILL DO.

So I tell her, I will feed you crescent rolls! (NO!) I will feed you biscuits!! (NONONO!!)

I checked the change jar. A trip to wherever is going to be at least $10 and at the rate I'm going, I'm not going to escape without a milkshake. (this inner child of mine isn't just a brat, she's a fat kid). There's like, $5 in there. Can't use the travel budget, I overspent many months of that on Six Flags.

I joked to a friend of mine that I considered selling the dog.

Thankfully, I managed to distract her with promises of pork chops and mashed potatoes. Biscuits. Because really a craving is your body telling you it needs something. In my case, meat and carbs. I will likely sneak some broccoli in there. I wonder if it's too late to put carrots in the mashed potatoes? (probably)

And I get it. I've been really really good. Eating well and sticking not only to my budget but to a menu as well. But my inner child, she's tired of lentil soup.

But I can't let her go on running my life. She's not very good with money. I have a full candy jar that will attest to that!

The state of the budget

The state of the budget is good. I managed to go 2 weeks without spending anything outside my budget with the exception of celebrating the New Year. Last week I only spent money on gas. I was thrilled to see, when I checked my bank account last night pre pay, that there were no surprises and no fees. My belly is full, the critters are fed, and the fence fell down again.

Sometimes, I think I sound needy when I'm not. But Sometimes, I kind of am.

Saturday I spent most of my day in the Studio cleaning and organizing, a project that started last weekend but wasn't done this weekend. In between lifting and carrying, I would check my facebook. Saw one post from my wife that said she was at Six Flags for the second time that week.

Two things went through my brain.

1. I have a free ticket from buying a pass last week. She totally should have grabbed it from me! (this was posted to facebook)
2. How come I wasn't invited? (this was NOT posted to facebook!)

I hate to be left out. Hate it. This is an issue I've dealt with since childhood and I am actively working on fixing it. If people are having fun, I want to be there. If they are hanging out, I want to be there. You never know when something exciting is happening. Thus far, the only time I don't pout about being left out is when I'm out doing something equally fun. I can be unreasonable, but generally, the logic of knowing that I can't be in two places at one time wins out. Add all that to my insecurity about whether people like me in general, and you can see where a flip out is possible. I try to hide those. I'm not going to pretend that they haven't happened.

This has affected friendships. It has affected relationships. I actively work on dealing with these issues.

So, once I got over the initial reaction to not being invited, I went back to my cleaning and it wasn't too long before I realized a couple of things.

1. Another trip to Six Flags this week is not in my budget. In fact, the trip I took last week wiped out my entertainment budget for the next several months. So unless I can teleport to the park and back for free and learn to survive without food while I am out, I can't really afford to go.
2. If I were at Six Flags playing, I wouldn't be cleaning, and I'm really proud to have focused that time and energy on a project that I have essentially been putting off for three years.

Happy, I returned to my previously scheduled activity. I no longer felt left out, I felt a bit relieved that I WASN'T invited because I would have gone if I was, and just extended my entertainment budget out another month. This is no way to stay on a budget!! (BTW, the reasoning for not being asked had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me as a person, which, is probably the case 99% of the time)

I mentioned it to my wife yesterday when I called her after practice, and as I told her the story, and she defended her actions, I realized that I sure did sound needy. And that even though I was really okay with the situation, it may not sound that way. And that by telling her how it made me feel, she might be hearing "you hurt my feelings" not "I'm glad you had a good time, I'm really glad I stayed at home and worked on my house"

Somewhere along the line, I have discovered that I have a need to tell everyone what I am thinking all the time. All the details. And to those who don't know me (you know, like my family) comments might come across wrong. "Your shampoo makes my hair fluffy!" might be taken as "your amenities suck" rather than "Ha, ha! everyone laugh at my wafro!", which is what I really mean.

I don't know. Maybe I'm worrying about stupid stuff too much. But a bit of censoring won't hurt around people who don't know me yet (and a bit around people who do) AND it will be good to remember that chances are, whatever it is, isn't personal. It's just how things work out sometimes.

My Epiphany

As you know from my last post, after reading about an Epiphany cake, I decided I needed to make one. Then I remembered that I don't have money to put in said Epiphany cake. Which is probably good because I'm not actually Christian, do not celebrate Epiphany, and would likely make a mockery of this occasion.

The universe in all it's wiseassery, still answered my Epiphany prayer. I'm still giggling.

I spent most of my weekend cleaning out and reorganizing my Studio (which really needs a more creative name. I'm open for suggestions. G Rated ones. I can't go around on the Bubbly Creations blog and Twitter talking about my Sadomasochistic Sex Dungeon, which, I have friends that swear existed in my last house. I never found it).

About halfway through yesterday, I decided I needed a cookie. After all, I CLEANED OUT THE STUDIO. It's so clean that I can roll my chair at high speeds from one corner to the other. I even took a video of it. The chair rolling.

I stopped the madness for a few minutes (BEFORE I threw up from all that chair rolling) and made some chocolate chip cookies.

I use the term "chocolate chip" loosely because it turns out that before he went off to his new home, Oliver ate all but about 10 of my delicious 60% cocoa dark chocolate chips without telling me JUST TO SPITE ME one last time.

I mixed them in anyway. The cookies are delicious. And, maybe, just MAYBE, you'll get one with a prize inside! One tasty melty molten chocolate chip surprise. Happy Epiphany to me!

To use the alternate definition of epiphany, I had one. Then I forgot what it was. But since I want to upload said video, I might remember before you even knew I forgot.

30 seconds later... Oh yeah! I should probably check stock on my chocolate chips more often now that Oliver has a new home and won't be eating them all when I am not paying attention...

The video. Watch at your own risk.

It's a new year. Again.

I don't really make resolutions. Or at least, not ones that I intend to keep. I'd rather act on bettering myself NOW as opposed to saving it for the end of the calendar when I might have forgotten how I wanted to better myself AND when there is so much expectation. This is why I started organizing my life back in July. And why I started exercising more in June, with a step up in August. It's why I took my finances by the horns in November even though we were THIS CLOSE to the traditional period of goal setting.

Somehow that went a lot more in a serious direction than I intended, but I'm also going though a more serious period.

Which is why it was really good that I decided to pretend for a little bit that I couldn't afford it and head over the hill to Six Flags for New Year's Eve.

When the clock struck twelve, I was on a roller coaster. The fireworks were going off and my wifey was by my side. There were no new year kisses, no boys (Holger doesn't count), and for a rare occasion, I was okay with that. As I rode that coaster twice more (all together 4x in a row) I thought about how my life is going right now and how good it feels to be putting it all together and heading in a positive direction. I also thought about how a fifth round would likely make me puke.

To me, my New Year holiday was perfect. A little bit of adventure, and a bright outlook for the future. Good company, and a unique way to hurtle into 2013.

I'm going through spending withdrawls!

I admit that I spent some on New Year's Eve, about which I have already written but have not posted because I want to attach a picture and I forgot to take care of it last night.

Not the point. The point is, that I have not wandered off my budget (excepting one 5 layer burrito and New Year's Eve) since I placed it and I'm finding it difficult to remain that way.

I'm not saying I won't. For example, I managed to spend only $.68 over on my grocery budget the other day, and I am really proud. I didn't buy anything that wasn't on my list, and to be truthful, I forgot something. BUT remembered that I had the ingredients at home so instead of buying cornbread mix, I made it from scratch. And it was delicious. And only slightly not-cooked. Apparently, in addition to a new fence, I also need a new stove. Or a stove repair. I may just have to be half baked for awhile.

I am, by nature, a pretty social person and I really like to do fun little things. Like today when I got a bug to make an Epiphany cake. Only with stuff in there that is relevant to my life and that of my friends, since none of us are particularly religious OR if we are, we don't advertise. That's private stuff, you know?

As I started plotting what I would put in my trinket cake, I remembered something really important. Trinkets cost money.

Darn. Kill that idea.

And then think about how no one really needs that crap anyway and while it would be FUN to do something like that, and I might find a reason to do it at some point, there's no reason to do things just for the sake of doing things if all they do is cost money, create random crap, and make me fat. I do love cake.

It's hard not to spend money when I have a million great ideas. I'm discovering though, that it's a lot of fun to find ways around the money issue without cramping my style! Mmmm. Cornbread.

Just come right out and say it

I did something tonight that I am proud of.

I have been avoiding talking about the state of my love life for a variety of reasons. It's partially because  I don't want to talk about things that should be left private. Goodness knows, talking about things here has bitten me in the butt before and I really don't want that to happen again.

It's partially because I often blog when I am frustrated and in case there is someone listening who is or knows someone I am dating, it's better that I deal with them directly rather than have them learn how I am feeling here.

It's tough, keeping all those secrets, but I suppose it's better to have some and be healthy than to spill it all and drown.

Today I received a message from a man who used to date a friend of mine. She had told me a long time ago that he had a bit of a crush, but, although I was flattered, I didn't think anything of it. This man is at least 10 but probably closer to 20 years older than me. The breakup is fairly recent.

He asked me out for drinks or dinner.

I thought about how to respond. I don't ever want to be cruel, but I also didn't want to lie. Am I seeing anyone? Well, there's that one guy who I see once in awhile who I care about but doesn't really act like he returns my esteem so, no, can't really say that. Well I could. But it would feel like lying. How often do you see someone to be counted as "seeing" them? Dig any deeper than that and I am likely to spill over, so lets just get on with the story.

I was truthful. I told him that although I am flattered that he would want to spend time with me, that I am not interested. Perhaps he will understand. Perhaps he will be angry. I'm not sure. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I was honest, and maybe a little blunt, but that he can't really come back and say that I left the option open, because I really didn't. I told him I wasn't interested and left it at that, which means he can move right along to a different crush who may just turn out to return the feeling.

Later, I thought about all the times I have held onto the hope that so and so might decide they really do want to spend their time with me because they left that option open. I thought about how often I could have been saved a lot of heartache if people had been honest and blunt. How the times that people were honest and blunt I was able to move along with my life so much quicker because I didn't hope for a change in outcome.

I feel a little bit like a grown up right now.

Random Blurb

I've been talking so much about stuff that is all dramatic. "Oh my goodness, my mom's losing her house and has too much stuff". "Oh my goodness, I don't know how to take care of myself". "Oh my goodness, I'm losing my mind and everything else with it"

So today I would just like to say, that I am happy overall. I'm looking out the window and seeing the snow blanketing the Sierras. I go home every night and snuggle my dog and talk to the bird. I watch TV and exercise. I cook myself yummy dinners and I take hot showers. I'm building my business and setting my life in order. I have good friends and a fantastic family.

I'm enjoying myself thoroughly. I don't have more drama than I can handle, and while it would be great to have a guy I could share all my good fortune with, but I'm okay with not right now.

I just thought I would share that. Because so often I worry that it sounds like I am whining or that I'm not happy. I'm changing the things I need to change, like the size of my debt and my thighs, (all right. I'm working harder on the debt) and I am having fun doing it.

I'm blessed, and I know it. Life is fantastic.

Hoarders Anonymous

I don't think it exists. Maybe it should. Except they would probably go to each other's garage sales and just pass all the stuff around.

Not the point.

I think I have mentioned on more than one occasion that my parents are collectors of stuff. All three of them. I think I have also mentioned that I am a collector of stuff, but that I am actively working on weeding the stuff out so that I am not storing a bunch of crap I don't need and won't use. If, for example, I were to get rid of some of the stuff in my studio, I could use it to create things instead of hauling my craftiness into the living room.

This collecting problem in my family has been highlighted of late in the fact that my mother will soon be moving.

I don't know if I have talked about how she left her job a couple of years ago and has not found another one. Or how when the market was high, she refinanced several times (against the advice of her children) and owes far more on her house than she would if she hadn't done that.

She realizes now that she made some mistakes and we are working through this madness. Thankfully, she has this really great fiancee who owns his house and she will be moving in with him. Her lifestyle will have to change drastically, and we aren't sure how all her children and his children will fit for Christmas next year, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I suggested bunk beds in the family room he plans to build.

We've known this was coming for awhile, although there is still hope that she will find a job in time to save her house. In real life though, the fiancee's house is smaller than hers. and already full of his stuff.

She said she has been getting rid of things, but having been at her house in the last week or so, I can't really tell the difference. At one point, while Seester and I were having some rare alone-time, she asked me if I had seen the bin of medicine bottles.

All those pill bottles you get at the pharmacy? Or the ones that hold vitamins? They're great little containers. She keeps them. All of them. Because they are great little containers.

I'm worried about her. I'm worried that she won't be able to part with all the things she's been saving over the years. She expressed that she felt bad about getting rid of the bed I usually sleep on when I am there. She said it's a good little bed. I reminded her that she could sell it for pretty cheap and have the money, and someone would have a great little bed. I told her that the bed doesn't care if she sells it. She agreed but I don't know if the lesson really went through.

She tends to attach emotions to things. And it's a good lesson for me, because I do too. Thankfully, I am evolving my thinking. I'm doing my best not to acquire new things while still getting rid of the old things. It's hard. Hard to overcome a lifetime of getting things because I want them. Of buying in bulk for later, then forgetting I have it. Of re purposing things into other things (I'll still do this, but no one actually wants old pill bottles! Recycle that shit!) Of holding onto something because I might want it later or because I've attached some sort of misplaced emotion on it.

Maybe if I can stop doing that misplaced emotion thing to things, I can stop doing it to people too...

Now that it's after Christmas...

I pulled a thrifty tip from The Little Big Blog for my nieces this year.

I managed to give the bulk of my family handmade gifts this year. This saved me in a big way because back in November I started stressing out about how I was going to pay for gifts for my family, and then I realized that I spent all summer happily making jelly out of fruit I was getting at the farmer's market. I don't think it occurred to me then that my jelly making fun would save me in a few months, but when I realized that my family would happily receive jelly, my shopping was suddenly almost done.

This didn't cover the nieces though. They would be getting jelly by default, but you can't really give a 4 year old a glass jar of jelly and expect that she will get all excited about it. Since time was short and my plate was full, making something wasn't likely to happen.

I found a couple of books, and stayed in my budget, but quickly discovered that the girls already had those. Back they went.

I knew that I wanted to give the girls books, but I discovered really fast that children's books are expensive. If I stayed in my budget, I would only be able to afford to buy one.

I was on my way back to Costco to see if they had anything new, (awesome place to get children's books, they tend to be about half retail!) when I remembered a gently used bookstore. I was able to get 4 books for considerably less than I would have paid for 1 book at the regular book store. That left room in my budget for a toy for them to share.

So, thank you, Carrie Anne for telling me that it's okay for me to be thrifty with my gift giving. For reminding me that used books are just as good, and for helping me to remember that it's better to stay in budget than to be extravagant.

Finding my shit

I still haven't found my purse.

However, in the process of getting myself organized, I did find a $25 gift card for Chilis that has been missing for the past year. I'll call that a "win". Maybe next I will find the $50 gift card to Victoria's Secret I lost last Christmas. On my list of things to change about myself? Stop putting gift cards "somewhere safe".

And purses too.

Losing track of my shit

Last December, I traded in my Southwest points for a free round trip ticket with the intention of using it for my holiday travel this year.

That meant that I would only have to pay for one ticket instead of two. When Thanksgiving rolled around and I was still overdrawing and my credit cards were still (thankfully) lost, I cancelled my trip South so I could get myself in order. I was thankful that I still had a round trip ticket to get me home for Christmas.

Until I tried to book the trip. And learned that the ticket was going to expire in 4 days.

Oh the things I could have done with that ticket. RollerCon. Brother in Law's 40th birthday bash. Thanksgiving.

And it's gone. Because I was too distracted to pay proper attention. I assumed that it expired on the 31st, not the 12th. Which means that I had to pay for my ticket South for Christmas. Since I didn't have the cash on hand, I put it on the credit card. I'll be paying that off over the next 8 months if I add an extra $50 per month to my MasterCard payment. (ouch!) That's almost time to get another ticket! If I had saved $50 per month over the last 8 months, I would have been able to pay cash.

Hm. What a concept!

Hello future me, it's nice to meet you.

The other day, I happened across a blog that talked about how a family of 6 can live on less than $28,000 per year.

If they can do it, so can I, right?

So I read the whole dang thing. And picked up as many suggestions as I could. A lot of them were very helpful and I will likely talk about them later.

One thing that really struck home was the introduction to my future self.

The thought behind this is, that by "meeting" your future self, you will be less likely to "steal" from him or her.

What do I mean by this? Well, every time you put something on credit, you are making your future self pay for you to have things now. Who is to say that your future self is going to WANT that random bauble? By the time you pay for that fancy dinner, it's long been digested. By the time you pay for that vacation, you've lost all the pictures.

I'm not saying that I'm giving up on vacations and dinners, I'm saying that it's better to save up and have them later for cash than to have them now and pay more for them due to using credit. Credit is expensive.

I learned that I am suffering now for the pleasures of me in the past. And I don't want this trend to continue to the suffering of my future self. I want her to have money in the bank. I want her to not have to sweat a trip to Costco to replenish the things I buy in bulk. Or heading over to JC Penny for some new work clothes because I've been exercising so that she can be skinnier.

So even though I have used my MasterCard in the last couple of weeks, its with the understanding that those purchases are going to cost me later. Of the four purchases I have made, 2 of them have already been repaid, one I am waiting for reimbursement from my insurance company, and the third, well, that one is going to be hanging out for awhile.

If a family of 6 can live on $28,000 per year (or less), I can live on that (or more) and still reach my financial goals. I'm glad I already started.

Those things I didn't learn in Kindergarden

After several months of being on the Flylady system, I fell off. Not because it isn't still a great system, but because it got hard to keep up, And my daily list of things to do kept getting longer and longer. They were no longer fitting on an index card.

So I stopped making them. Things stopped getting done. And I felt like a failure every time I looked at one of my little bullitin boards where my index cards go.

I remembered pretty quickly that as a list maker, I need my lists. BUT I realized that by expecting myself to accomplish an entire list every day, I was setting myself up for failure. I tried to hop back on the train but fell off again. I was overwhemed. I put too many things on my list and I shut down.

I happened across a website one day that talked about working with your inner child to learn how to get things done. We all know that I'm in pretty good touch with my inner child. I understand that she is the essence of who I am so when she throws a fit, I listen. mostly. (hence I didn't buy a car I know I would hate driving) BUT like any child I have to make her do her chores.

I recently started over at the beginning. Baby steps, you know? The crap we were all supposed to learn when we were 3 that for some reason never stuck with me. The stuff that should have me calling Nanny McPhee

"Clean up after yourself"

Easy peasy, right? But even that little bit of discipline is hard for me sometimes. It's weird for me to admit that I don't pick up after myself. That I tend not to put my toys away. I am not a dirty person. I like things neat and clean, and yet I let it pile up, finding excuses why it doesn't get done.

I'm proud to say that since I've been focusing on that simple thing, my kitchen has stayed clean. And the stuff that has piled up (ahem, laundry) I'm knocking out 5 items at a time. Whether it's putting away 5 pairs of socks from my laundry basket each time I walk into my room, or putting away 5 hair baubles I've left on the shelf in my bathroom. If it doesn't happen, I don't beat myself up.

The other stuff is still getting done. I've created a new and ongoing list that goes with me everywhere. When something pops into my head, I write it on my list and deal with it later. It seems to be working. For now. Thanks to my list, I have been forgetting less stuff and have been becoming more of the person that I want to be. I don't have to worry about the fact that the kitchen needs to be cleaned, so I am able to remember to grab my coat on a cold day.

The little things I (for some reason) never learned. I'm amazed at all the lessons I managed to miss.

Good bye to my little friend

It will come as no surprise to you that no matter how hard I try to simplify, I tend to fill my proverbial plate so full that soon I am stressed out and overwhelmed by the life I have created for myself. Then I announce that I am going to simplify and I start looking for ways to fix things.

I remove a few things from my plate but they sneak back on.

Of late, I have been working on the things that most people take for granted. First my house.  I started to declutter and learn to maintain a clean environment. Then my body. I gave myself three months at the local community center for my birthday since they have a pool and I wanted to use it.  Then, my finances. I still haven't found my purse and I did order a new MasterCard, but I am also working every day to keep my spending to a minimum. Sadly, the gym has been put on hold while I work harder on reining in my spending.

Things started coming together nicely. I no longer arrive home to a giant mess. The kitchen is clean, the floors vacuumed, and as of this morning, all of my laundry is put away. (well, everything but the linens in the dryer). I still have a long way to go, but I'm on the right track.

There was one thing bothering me though. Each day, I would come home to a stinky house. Stinky. House. Not okay. No matter how cluttered I get, I like to think that I'm not DIRTY, but stinky says dirty to me. I'd clean, revel in the scent of bleach or whatever I happened to clean with that day, and a short while later, the stink would come back. I added sceted thingies all over the house, but it just wasn't enough.

I was spending a couple of hours a week just maintaining the bunny area, only to have it filthy again a few days later. And Oliver, he was getting a couple of pets a day, but overall, was dirty (and smelly) and ignored. This is not the kind of pet parent I want to be, but it was hard to give myself the attention I need, I added park time almost every day for the dog, and maintain a clean house as well as groom and hold a rabbit every day.

Much as it pained me, it was time to let Oliver go. Not literally. I considered putting him outside, but rabbit hutches are expensive and I am trying to cut back on my expenses. Plus, I worried that with him out of sight, I would forget to feed and water him. I looked into rescues and asked my friend who belongs to the rabbit society if he knew anyone. I considered craigslist, but didn't want him to go to another home like mine. He needed a better home.

So I watched craigslist for someone specifically looking to adopt an Angora. I found someone pretty quickly, and last Friday, I said goodbye. The family he went to did their research on the breed. I gave them full disclosure on Oliver's litter box issues and the various grooming he would need to bring him up to par. I gave them all his food, pen, everything I had that they might need to give him a better home. I have faith that they will. I gave him up for him, and also for me.

I no longer come home to a stinky house. I think Baby and Chango are enough pets for me to handle. Sure, I'll be tempted here and there to get something new, but right now, I think I'm done having too many critters. Because it's better to be a good keeper of one or two than a terrible keeper of 3.

One less thing on my plate. One more step to being "normal".

My mom, the Flylady, and the number 5

My mom mentioned to me awhile ago, how hurt she was that Seester and I didn't seem to learn how to keep house from her. Somehow, we needed more than her instruction on keeping a home and we had to look to The Flylady.

She didn't understand where she went wrong.

She didn't raise us wrong, but nothing I was going to say that day is going to change her mind about that.

Here's the thing. No matter how you were raised, you have to find a way to maintain your life your way. For Seester and I, The Flylady got us restarted.

Seester learned that she doesn't have to be a perfect housekeeper, which was tough considering the fact that we grew up in a house that said that if you weren't going to do something right, you shouldn't do it at all. Ever day the house was vacuumed, bathrooms cleaned, kitchen cleaned, top to bottom throughly. No such thing as a quick wipe down. (really crusty dishes could be left to soak overnight, but if any dish went back in the cabinet with a bit of food still on it. we washed every dish in the house)

With a crew of 3 children, this is a little easier to achieve. (Pie and Brother were too young to help when Cousin, Sister, and I were doing chores) We took care of most of the cleaning freeing my parents up to change diapers and work on freelance jobs. (Seester changed a lot of diapers too)

Please note that my mom remembers the household chores differently than we do. She remembers keeping up on the whole house while working full time and raising babies. We remember that we had a list of daily chores that had to be done before she got home. And that after dinner was cooked, we did the dishes and mopped the floor.

So, Flylady told Seester that as long as her sink was shiney, it's okay to have a dish on the counter or sweep and not mop. To take little nibbles of the housework instead of trying to "eat" it all at once. With two toddlers, I think this has brought Seester a lot of peace.

She taught me that I'm smart to make lists to keep track of myself, and that I can do anything in 15 minutes. Well, for me it's 5. I get distracted in 15. I would like to work up to 15. In the mean time, I will work in multiples of 5. I set the timer, I go. 5 minutes. If I get distracted, I refocus. 5 minutes. I am amazed at the things I can get done in 5 minutes.

I don't really discuss my cleaning habits with my mom anymore. I learned that it is a sore spot and makes her feel like a failure when I share my success in this matter. I support Seester when she talks about the system, and I continue to adapt it for my uses. I too have learned to take my housecleaning in little nibbles. Imight only be one person, but I sure do make a lot of mess!

Still working through it

So, I reached my goal of spending less on incidentals in November by $100, which is just slightly more than I spent at Ikea so I'm not sure it really counts. My wants went down, but my needs went up and somewhere in there, I spent my cushion. I don't really know how I managed that except that perhaps I still had leftover madness from October.

Since we last discussed it, I've changed a few things so I will appear to have more money to work with each month.

I've also been working on my attitude.

You see, I tend to spend it if I have it instead of budgeting for actual expenses. I may have mapped out my spending and bills, but I don't really control things beyond that. This is my next step. To set a budget for things like food, pet food, and entertainment and to stop using my debit card. I learned that I over spend when I use it. Case in point:

I told myself a couple of weeks ago that I could have a Costco hot dog for lunch since I would be at the store and I had $2 cash. While in line, I remembered that the total would come out to more than $2 after tax, I would have to use my debit card because I didn't have any change. Well, in that case, I thought, I can also have a frozen yogurt! Suddenly, my $2 lunch was $5. That doesn't seem like much, but those little expenditures add up fast.

Thankfully, I was quickly reminded that the taxes in Nevada are lower than the ones in California and I would have the cash to cover my lunch.

But it opened my eyes to my tendency to overspend because the money is in my account.

Friday, I am going to try to switch to the envelope system of cash management.

This hurts my spending bone

Despite the fact that I have cut down my spending exponentially over the last month, I am still hurting. I need to update my spreadsheet, but what I am noticing most of all is that having friends and family is expensive. Granted, I tend to over do it, but right now, this minute, I'm wondering how I'm going to cover the white elephant gifts and kennel costs for my company kick off meeting next week. I learned last year that my company doesn't reimburse for pet care on company travel.

I'm in an uncomfortable spot, but I know I will get out of it. I've been worried so much about all the stuff I have going on that I have forgotten to be greatful for all the things that I do have. A warm home (well, warm is relative. Apparently, most people don't think that 60 deg is not warm enough to keep my house. But when it's 38 outside, 60 sure is warm!) and a soft bed. I typically have a full belly. I have plenty of clothes and entertainment. My friends are pretty awesome.

And somehow, just when things look the worst, I see a little ray of sunshine and I pull through, and I remember that everything is going to be okay and off I go to the next adventure.

What do you mean, Declined?

Last Friday I popped my happy ass into the gas station for a good old fashioned fillerup. I had waited until payday so that I wouldn't dip into my cushion. I am very protective of my cushion. It's my financial hope right now.

My card didn't work. Since I knew I got paid that day, I headed into the 7-11 and tried again. Nope. as credit? Denied. What the heck??

Thankfully, I recently opened a Bubbly Creations business account and was able to get some gasonline because I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to work.

Once I arrived at my place of employment, I looked at my bank account and lo and behold, I was in the negative. My mortgage had come out as planned, but my paycheck hadn't gone in.

After checking with a coworker and HR, I was reminded that I made changes to the electronic system. My bank had changed thier routing numbers and if I hadn't fixed it, my checks would soon be going into whoknowswhereland. It takes 1 to 2 pay periods for the changes to go through. My check, the HR lady assurred me, would be in my mailbox that day.

It wasn't. Nor was it there on Saturday. I had forgotten the awful feeling of wondering when your paycheck would arriveand NEEDING it.

It arrived on Monday, was deposited on Tuesday, and I am scooped way too far into my cushion for my comfort. But thank goodness it's there. And that I get paid again next week.

My cushion goal is to have the original amount put back into may savings account before the end of this year and to still have a good cushion in there. I think I can do it. but I have to remember not to overspend. Deep breath, and I'm moving forward.

On Budgets and Credit Cards

Several months ago, I suddenly noticed that I don't have any money. That I live paycheck to paycheck, squeeze by, and tend to wonder if I am going to be able to pay for the things I need, like food, during any given week. I think part of the reason I was suddenly suffering is that I had been putting things on my credit cards instead of managing my cash flow. When I told myself I couldn't use them anymore, I suddenly didn't have any money. (when I say suddenly, it's a little sarcastic. Obviously, I had pretend money)

So I sat down, and mapped out my expenses for the rest of this year and all of next. I love excel. Soon after, I lost my purse. Lost. As in, I can't find it. I know it's in my house somewhere because it disappeared while I was home, I vaguely remember putting it somewhere clever, and if it had been stolen, someone would have used my cards, checkbooks, and the Starbucks preloaded gold card of which I am stupidly proud. Don't judge. I only have to buy like, 24 drinks in a year to keep it. Most people do that in a month.

Since I lost my credit cards with my purse, I have been unable to use them for "emergencies". You know, like the kind where I'm going over to the Wife's house and need to bring chips but my bank account is empty. THOSE kind of emergencies. People ask if I am going to replace the cards and I tell them NO because as long as they are lost, I can't use them and ideally, my balances will go down instead of up. Yes, I am worried about true emergencies.

When I mapped out my expenses, I didn't add in things like food and gas and funtimes because in my head, I don't really spend all that much on those things.

Apparently, I DO spend a lot on those things.

Last month, I added all expenditures into my budget. $1.07 for Taco Bell? it's in there. And it's highlighted pink so I can see that although it was a food expense, it wasn't a needed expense. Groceries are needed. Taco Bell is not. While I know that I will have some "fun" expenses, I now know that I have been going overboard. So much that I will not be able to go see my family for Thanksgiving (lucky for me, my mom is coming up here. So if Tahoe isn't snowed in, I'll be going up there. If it is, I will go to the Wife's). Last month, I spent over $300 on things that I could have lived without. I spent less than $200 on Gas, Groceries, and Pet Food.

Wow. Talk about an eye opener!

My goal for November is to cut that number considerably. It's going to be difficult because it's Thanksgiving and this week alone I will be buying a turkey, brining supplies, and the stuff to make broccoli cheese casserole for Spanksgiving on Sunday. And then in a week or so, I need to buy apple pie makings. I'll either be at the Wife's, or at my future step sister's house so either way, we need a pie. And maybe some more broccoli casserole.

More later...