PEE U

And I'm not talking about Potty University.

I watched The dukes of Hazzard Last night. and Corpse Bride. here are my reviews.

The Dukes: the Duke boys weren't nearly cute enough to be playing the Duke boys. I hated Sean William Scott's scruffy facial hair. The bar fight scene was way too obviously choreographed, and the acting, well, sucked. I did like Willie Nelson. And Jessica was ok. But even she admitted, all she had to do was wear short shorts and smile.

Corpse Bride just didn't live up to my expectations of a Tim Burton Film. Ordinarily I really enjoy his work. This one didn't have the soul of Nightmare Before Christmas, although the animation was great, and the musical score was lacking that toe tapping sing along spirit that a good musical should have. actually, the music was lacking completely. The only song from it I would ever wanto to hear again would be Victoria's Wedding March.

and that sums up my evening.

She put what, Where?

Apparently a woman in South America was caught smuggling one of these, along with some Marijuana. in her hoo-ha.

There looks to me like there's an awful lot of sharp edges happening to be puttin that up my cooter. My boss has assured me that it is not likely, unless she was extremely dexterous, that she could have pulled the pin on accident, but I still can't imagine having the mindframe where I would be willing to hide a grenade in my muffin.

Just in case you're wonderin, there aint no pot up there either.

I mean...

I don't look like a total freak do I? (This is the best I have...)

Must not have been his type

So, one of the men I emailed yesterday from the Craigslist personals actually emailed me back with a picture. And hey, he was pretty good looking, so I sent him my picture. you know, the one with the brown hair and the come-hither eyes. I mentioned that my hair is back to being blonde now.

then? nothing. Oh well. I have not heard from the other guy I emailed. I'm thinking he didn't like the comment I made about teaching his pet pig to fly by throwing it off my balcony. But hey, I also offered to introduce the pig to my parrot who also cannot fly, so...I also have not heard from HR. And New Girl has not gotten back to me regarding the attractive and possible single guy she met over the weekend. she herself is practically married so is unavailable.

Renamed

Hamilton has been renamed Fiona. My brother in law pulled my sister out of bed at 2 am last night because Fiona decided to have herself an adventure in the kitchen. I still think Fiona is cute, and I wandered around all morning singing (in my head) Fi-o-na was a bullfrog...do do do...

Tee hee

I answered two personal ads on craigslist today because they made me giggle. If the men who wrote them are like any of the other men (and one woman, but that was a business thing) I have emailed in the last week, they won't reply. (Except Michael who did indeed email me back and in a timely manner. go visit him.)

Still have not heard from HR. Smiled at him this morning, but that's all.

a reason

I found this comment on someone elses blog and I thought, OH, HEY! that's the real reason I'm cranky, it's not overwork and lack of sleep! no! it's:

Madwanderer said...
Holy Crap!!That is bad, bad english ;)It is their second language yes? And I really don't get that last thought of the day!Hmm cranky then? I diagnose a lack of sex as the cause

Sadly, there is no end in sight for the long dry spell. But in thinking about this, because there could be an end, I should not be willing to compromise my principles for it. In the end, I have to live with myself, and the thought of me spending any night alone curled up in a ball on my bed knowing I made a bad decision for all the wrong reasons, and feeling cheap for it, does not appeal to me.

It's possible that this post is vague. But trust me, these are issues I deal with.

Dear HR,

I know that I am not a patient woman, but when I give my phone number to a man I expect a call. or at least a reply to the email. In fact, I generally expect a reply to any email I send with questions about you, so really, you aren't making points considering the fact that I have emailed you twice and you have not replied. I know you are a busy man, and it's possible that like me, you do not have internet at home. but if the problem is, that you are waiting for the opportune moment, or you are too nervous, I must warn you that it's a good way to lose my interest. fast. Good looks and high recommendations only get you so far with me. Ask E. He'll tell you.

And the decision is...

(copied from message text from my sister)

"Hamilton was a BULLFROG (do-do-do), he was a good friend of mine (do-do-do). I never understood a single word he said, but he let me drink his wine! Joy to the world, all the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me!"

Oh, and she thinks Hamilton is a girl. I just think she's cute. Congrats to my sister for her new "daughter" and to me for my niece! I can't wait to play with her! i will update you on Hamilton's new girly name as soon as she has one.

In domestic news,

Why the fuck do they make tall trash cans and no bags to fit in them? Really. I'm tired of having the bag slip down into the can. they make 13 gallon bags, 15-20 gallon cans. And no, I will not start buying 30 or 50 gallon bags. I think it's a conspirasy just to piss me off.

I got my taxes done.!If my partner gets in trouble for not claimein her $2 share of our "profits" I hereby declare that it is not my fault. Furthermore I do not want to go through this mess again next year. Having apartner isn't worth it. especially when she doesn't do anything. Please pray that I have the courage to stand up for myself.

I missed out on all the family fun this weeknd because I had to work. I'm debating whether it is worth it. I also got my first paycheck. it was a whole 60 dollars. woo hoo!

Thank goodness for tradeing

In exchange for designing my logo, C asked me to please sit for him so he could practice his portrait painting skills before he starts teaching a class in the subject. Note the unruly bangs. Should you decide you would like to be an art subject, let me know and I will be happy to direct you to his website where you can check out his work and hire him to paint portraits of you too.

posted with permission.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter. Go forth and celebrate the Rites of Spring. ps, I want this for my collection. maybe I will treat myself tonight since it's payday, even though I really shouldn't.

Not very newsworthy

the weathergirl got a makeover. I wanna be next.

This made me scream silently in horror. http://xtramsn.co.nz/news/0,,11965-5566182-300,00.html

I just realized that if you were to accidentally misspell blogger, you might end up with boogger. hee hee.

Today I am greatful for small miracles. When I put on my sweater, I saw what looked like a tag, but when I checked there was nothing there. then I felt something odd, so I reached up my shirt and pulled out my orange star spangled thong underwear. I had a giggle when I realized how hilariously embarassing that would have been if they had fallen out at work. I mean, if they were sexy and lacy, I might be able to score a date if they fell out of my shirt, but no, there's nothing sexy about the orange starry ones. Or at least I don't think so.

You know you have made it big when...

Your name makes it into the title of a comic collection.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0740749994/ucomicscom/002-0479542-7144808

For Madeline (Kahn. Not my old car)

"I'm so tired. Tired of being admired. Tired of love uninspired!"

Really, I'm just tired because I closed again last night. I know I should quit my bitching because I have learned that I am not the only one working more than one job. One woman I work with has 3 jobs and I think she goes to school too.

This is what we do in order to survive in America's Finest City. Only I live 20 miles away from Downtown in a town known for White Supremecy and it's Rodeo. T and I are having a good giggle over the fact that the Gay Rodeo will be held in my town this year. It's a place where it's not ok to be black, but they'll host a Gay Rodeo. Heh.

Next week, I'm on the schedule 8 hours. two shifts. One on Monday, one on Sunday, I close both. 8 hour work weeks are not going to pay off my credit card bill.

quiet today

haven't had much to say.

I'm loving seeing all the lilac in bloom. I had forgotten how lovely it is, I don't remember seeing any since the fires, which happened two and a half years ago. There is still alot of "damage" to the landscape, but the lilacs are back, and that makes me happy. One of the neat things I get to ponder every day is how you can have one flower in so many different colors. two bushes might be right next to each other with one blooming in a pale blueish purple, and the other, deeper and more vibrant. amazing.

My garden is looking great! I planted snapdragons and my strawberries are really going nuts with flowers and fruit. to think I had thought them dead! Jacks garden started to sprout, and my lavender plant is all over flowers. Hooray for me!

Ooh! a contest!

Zube put out a contest to design your superhero costume, so I thought I would share mine. I would like you to note that I did not extend the black trim into my crotch region because I thought it might look like pubes. Also, I am really impressed with my banana. um, banana peel.

Summin it up

We paid for our own, I tripped over a bench on the way over to eat, he spilled his drink into his food when we got there. we made casual conversation, didn't bring up baby mama, but discussed his sister. He walked me back to my double wide and suggested that we do something sometime. I said that would be a good idea.

I am apprehensive regarding the nervousness between us. It didn't go away like it should after you trip over a bench and both have a good laugh.

the end for today.

My "Nephew" Hamilton

This is Hamilton. A month ago he looked like this. Then he sprouted back legs. Hamilton provides hours of entertainment because he's really funny. You would have to see to understand. We don't know yet what kind of frog he will grow up to be.

This is Hamilton now. He sprouted his front arms the other day. Hooray for Hamilton! soon, he will not be a tadpole anymore. Sadly, Hamilton lives with my Sister in LA so I can only enjoy his development through pictures and stories. sigh.

ps. nervous about lunch.

What?Oh Crap!

I have a "lunch date" with HR.

I must have some major mojo going on because I got hit on last night by a 14 year old. I played along, I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm old enough to be his mother.

Bow to me

I have declared myself Empress. You shall all wear aprons.

And then I tried to rip my finger off by getting it caught in the outside door handle while I opened it and walked inside. it hurts all the way up my arm. apparently, I'm a rather clumsy Empress.

This one made me think of HR. There aren't any updates on that, but I agree with you guys, I don't know if I want to deal with the baggage. Time will tell. Thank you for your support and advice, as always.

Weekend update

Friday I had a meeting with my Marketing Director, and we agreed to try a conventional marketing approach for now instead of sales reps. I called C and asked how much he would charge to design my logo, and he said he wouldn't and that he was excited to do it, and flattered I would ask. For those of you that watch the OC, there was a band featured on last week's episode, and they flashed a picture of the album cover. It's C's artwork. Hooray for C! and also for Tally Hall, the band featured.

I placed my soap in my Friend Luis' floral shop, located in Ramona, California. It's called Teunis Floral. If you're ever in the area, go there, and buy lots of stuff.

I have decided to spend at least 30 minutes every day on Bubbly Creations stuff. I think it's time for me to be more devoted to my business.

Saturday night, on my way home from Harbucks, I missed my highway exit. Sigh. I will know soon, I hope, if having a second job is even worth it. I have to close both nights I work this week, which means I'm scheduled until 12:15, and I have to be back at work at 8 am. Last night I may have accidentally hurt someone's feelings. I hope she will forgive me. Sometimes, people don't take me right when they don't know me, and they don't know me there yet. Meanwhile, I will be more careful.

Last night a woman came into the store with a tiny dog tucked into her jacket. I would like to know why it is acceptable for her to bring in her tiny dog, but joe schmo can't bring in his rottweiler. Seems to me, dog hair is dog hair. I wanted to send her out of the store, but I have to be nice. She and her friends stayed a long time with that dog in the store. I think, that dogs should not be considered fashion accessories, and neither should they be brought into restraunts. (with the exceptio, of course, of helper dogs. this was a helpless dog. really.) It's an animal, not a necklace. I see them everywhere. Sure, they're cute, but imagine the looks of horror I would get if I carried my pet snake with me into restraunts and to the mall. (I no longer have a pet snake, I'm trying to make a point here) People would flip because they're "scary" but they don't shed hair and they don't make noise, and they rarely bite. funny how there is a double standard. I think the legislation should be upheld that dogs do not belong in indoor public areas, no matter how cute they are or how well they tuck into a purse, unless that area has been designated a pet friendly zone.

Multi Level Marketing

In the course of doing business over the last year or so, I have learned a lot of things. One is that just because you have a product, doesn't mean that people will buy it. That's where marketing comes in. Marketing is expensive.

My sister declared herself my Director of Marketing today. Hooray! (she's a go getter like me) I did not run this decision by my partner, she doesn't even ask how business is going. But I am happy that Shawna has joined my staff. I believe in her as much as she believes in me. And we both want to see Bubbly Creations succeed. Statistically, things look really good for Bubbly Creations, if you consider that I now have a Webmaster and a Director of Marketing. someday, I hope to be able to pay them! and me!

One of the orders of business for out phone conference this evening is the idea of how to better market my product. I will be seeing my friend who owns a floral shop tomorrow about placing my soap in his shop, but I agree with Shawna that we need more than that. And a way to stand out. My web site gets lots of hits, but not alot of sales.

We are considering whether to have sales reps, and I am researching accordingly. The following is what scares me about that possibility.

I have learned from previous experience that Multi Level Markeing is another way of saying, waste your money. I was reminded of this when I was approached by a Quixtar IBO last night. I couldn't afford to keep up with the demands of being a Quixtar IBO, or a Mary Kay Consultant, for that matter. I'm not saying bad things about either company, (well, maybe I'm a little negative towards Quixtar) but I don't like the idea of people trying so hard to make a living off of my product that they are willing to put themselves in debt.

I don't believe in Get Rich Quick, but I do believe in mutually benificial opportunities. No deceptive recruitment techniques. No expensive buisiness building materials.

So we will see how my Marketing Diretor and I are able to come up with a solution to take BC to the next level. This ought to be fun.

Clarifications

It appears that I did not properly convey my feelings regarding the HR situation. I recieved two very different comments from two men who's opinions I respect.

First, it was Mutual Friend who referred to her news as "exciting". Although, as I said, I am flattered that anyone would think so highly of me, I am apprehensive about taking this information seriously, and about the possibility of dating someone with as much baggage as he has, and with as high of an opinion of me as he apparently has. I left out a lot of details about that in my last post on the subject.

The reason I am not sure that I take this information to heart is that in 4 years of being aware of this man, we may have spoken 10 words between us. (I am being REALLY generous with this estimate. Really all I can ever remember saying to him was "Good morning, Richard") I have tried to find ways to be a part of conversation he is in, but he always leaves. I now know that he is just too nervous to speak to me, which is flattering, but does not bode well for future relations. I don't want to be with someone who is too shy to talk to me because I myself am shy and I feel very uncomfortable in situations where niether person will speak. Plus, how can he be himself around me if he doesn't think he is good enough for me? I want someone REAL. Someone on my level, not someone who has put me on a pedestal. Someone not afraid to wrestle.

One of the reasons I did not go rushing off to throw myself at him is that, as Sensei pointed out, he does have a girlfriend and a kid on the way. I accept the fact that he did not intend to be a father, and he certainly did not want to have kids with her. She took advantage of a difficult time for him, as she had moved in and gotten pregnant within a month of his mother passing away. I can already foresee mama drama from that one. especially if he and I were to start dating in a short amount of time after they break up (which, regardless of me, is eminant). I don't believe he is the type of person to run out on his kid, he will take care of it, just as he takes care of his disabled sister and, before she passed, his mother. He isn't the kind of man to turn his back on responsibility.

Which brings about another point. We all know about my struggle with the child issue. And I have been quite clear about not wanting to date someone with a kid (although E had a kid, but I never met him). However, this guy comes with strong enough recommendations that he might be worth it. Might. I would be taking on a kid and a sister with special needs. Am I mature enough to handle that? I don't know, and I will admit that I might not be.

Issue 3. T. enough said.

so I'm going to ride this one out. If he is as interested in me as he says he is, then he will approach me. I am not seeing anyone and haven't had a boyfriend in nearly a year. I think it's quite apparent that I am available. Goodness knows, I think I have made it quite clear as I have wandered through his office area wisecracking about this n that. Plus, if he wonders, there's my mother and mutual friend and other mutual friends to fill him in. I still maintain that I would like to get to know him. where it goes from there remains to be seen. BUT. I will not approach a man whom I know to have a girlfriend. I will treat him just as I always have, with politeness, same as any other man. I don't think he deserves special treatment just because he's attractive. I maintain that although I am attracted to him, he may turn out to be completely wrong for me. I will not let my fear of that get in the way of getting to know him, but I will say that it is difficult for me to be excited about his future availablity considering all the issues attached. If anything, I want to declare myself "not interested" because there are so many issues and preconceptions. I think it would be easier to date someone you just met than someone you have admired from afar for however many years.

Life. it's always interesting.

You know

You know I am tired when I come home from job #2 and try to use my car remote to open my front door.

It's only my first week. I hope I get into the swing of this.

Just like High School

So, mutual friend pulls me away from my facinating filing duties today to tell me something very exciting. I asked if I won the lottery, but she said no.

Apparently, Handsome Richard (the OTHER Handsome Richard, Rich) thinks I am just IT. But doesn't think he is of my caliber so he doesn't approach me. (My reply? I wander around tripping over my own feet and talking about farts, how can anyone not be of my caliber??)

Yes, he still has a girlfriend (they are breaking up) and yes, she is still pregnant.

What will I do about it? nothing. This is a man who leaves the room when I enter it because he is too shy to be around me. I am flattered and excited, but I have to refer back to my original feeling, "How am I supposed to get to know someone who won't talk to me?"

He asked mutual friend if he should approach me and suggested that perhaps he could do it at her wedding. (which she has told me about but not really invited me to. It'll be in Vegas. I love Vegas!) Her wedding is in August. It's April. yeah. He even asked if she thought I would bring a date. (um, based on current statisitics, the answer is no). Seems to me like August is really far away when you are as interested in someone as he professes to be with me.

In fact, when my ex comes on TV (yes, I have an ex who is sometimes on TV. I don't mention it very much because I say other stuff about that ex that is private) HR changes the channel. I think that's funny. But how would he react to my continued friendship with T, C, and D? Granted, if I had a boyfriend, the R rated conversations between T and I would end, but regardless, I still want his friendship, even though it is painful sometimes. But it would be less painful if I had someone else to ponder.

I don't know. I just thought I would share. Gotta go, Harbucks is calling and since I haven't eaten anything yet today (gobstoppers don't count) I need to make sure i have plenty of time to heat up a corn dog.

Hee hee

Searching for herbs in my area, I found a listing for the following:

Phat Dong

I'm going to hell.

Overalls

Spinning Girl (http://elevenpointfive.blogspot.com) brought back some memories today. The first was about fashion plates, which my sister, cousin, and I would play with for HOURS (no minutes) and since Shawna and I's set (really I think they were her's but I got to play with them too) and Lisa's sets were different, and some of the plates were interchangeable, we had way more than tens of outfits. or, at least it felt like we did. and, as with everything we did, Shawna's designs were always so much cooler than mine.

But that is not the big memory. The big memory is overalls. Now, I am too young to have worn overalls when they were"in", but I did get a hand me down pair from Lisa just after they went "out" (Lisa was bigger than me back then and I got her old clothes. She got her clothes from the rich girl downstairs, so you can imagine I was always WAY out of style) Since I didn't understand style, and even if I did, it wouldn't have mattered because I had all the "perfectly good" clothes from Lisa, I wore those overalls anyway.

Those overalls were a couple of sizes too big. Not because Lisa was that big, but because they just were. One day I realized that they were sizable enough to put both my arms down the sides at the same time.

Of course I showed Shawna and Dana my new trick. (Dana is the cousin that periodically lived with us. In my family, a cousin is like a sister that doesn't live with you. Except for when they do)

Of course one of them pushed me over. Then I was stuck. on the floor, arms locked inside my pants. Probably laughing, I don't know. But certainly unable to get up. I can't remember how I did it, but it must have been fun to watch. I sure think it's funny now. I don't think I put my arms down the sides of my pants anymore.

need.sleep.

because I slurped down a carmel macchiato at um, 9 pm last night and let me tell you, I went home, planted Jack's garden, played with Baby, cleaned my bathroom, comtemplated my kitchen (breifly) contimplated my soapmaking, showered, read, and then laid in bed. when I did sleep, I dreamed of work. when I woke up, I worried for a long time about what I might have done that was wrong, and how when I mopped up a latte mess, I didn't move the music display because it was too heavy and there was latte still under it.

I know I am neurotic, and a worrier. And I am really excited about this job because it's going to bail me out of financial discomfort, but dreaming about it goes too far. Then again, I would be really embarassed if I got fired from Harbucks. Well, I would be embarassed to get fired at my other job too. Really, mostly I don't want to get fired. which means I should, actually, go back to work.

Rest in peace bunny butt

Saturday I performed the difficult duty of taking my darling pet in to be put to sleep. By the time he went in, the eye you can see in this picture was red, puffy, runny, and full of pus. I would have liked to have been able to afford to continue with the medications and possible operations, the truth is, that I can't. because it was a choice between paying my bills and taking care of the rabbit.

I feel guilty about it even though I know I shouldn't. I remind myself that part of being a responsible pet owner is knowing that when an animal is suffering (and he was), sometimes it is better to let them go on to the summerland and be off to the next adventure. It is comforting to me that he is now in my vision of the summerland, in the middle of the big grassy field, running around my feet and nibbling my toes for attention. I doubt he will be there when I get there, since I would think that the soul turnaround time for a rabbit isn't very long (how long do you have to rest after the strains of being a caged bunny?) but I can still visit him in my head, and I like that.

Jack was a good bunny and a wonderful companion. Even when he munched carpet. I will remember him fondly and often. It's hard to look at the place where his cage was, but since I am making a planter out of it, I will be able to look at the flowers on my porch garden and think of him.

It will be a bloggeriffic day

Every Monday morning, I check in at www.postsecret.com to read the new secrets that have been posted. Sometimes, they speak to me, sometimes they break my heart. I found this one very interesting because the subject of this very thing came up in conversation this weekend.

A friend of mine told me that her brother in law has to get nakid in order to do his bathroom business. So does her son. It's a compulsive behavior that I had never heard of before, and I would love to know the psycological reason behind it. Unless the man above is my friend's brother in law, then it appears that this is something that may be more common than I thought. I think I will send her this picture so that she will know that her family is not alone.

in short

I think I will like Harbucks, I burned my tounge on hot expresso, they made me drink coffee. black. bleh. I'm a sweet girl, not a bitter one. But it's my job so drink it I will. Coffee school sunday, slumber party tonight. I will talk to you more monday I hope.

Ahh. Relief

I start at Harbucks tonight. I wish I hadn't spent my first paycheck on uniforms for it, but knowing that the extra cash will be coming in makes me feel very happy. When I talked to my manager today and she said "clock in" I nearly jumped for joy. the only damper on my thrilled demeanor is that this will likely put me in another tax bracket. Which means I'm gonna get it bad come tax time next year even though I don't plan to see any of the money I make. Too bad they don't have a deduction for debt repayment. maybe if they did, more people would work on paying off thier debts.

Memories

I have been in the process of cleaning out my storage unit this month. Once I started putting everything in my already crowded apartment, I realized that if I am going to continue to exist comfortably, the stuff is going to have to go.

One of the things I attacked was my old letters and cards. I didn't stop to reread them all, that would take forever. and I did save a few. Here is what I discovered.

That I don't think I appriciated my boyfriend from way back very much.

Here is what I remember. That he was very nice, and very attractive, but that once I went away to Americorps, he wasn't nearly as interesting anymore. I remember that in some ways he used to annoy me.

Here is what reading a few of his letters to me told me ten years later. That I wasn't as ready or mature enough to deal with a boyfriend and all that entailed as I thought I was. I have always known that I didn't handle things correctly (I stopped taking his calls, then I broke up with him in the Parking lot at Home Depot). But I think that he really cared about me and that he was very concerned with my happiness. I think he was a really sweet man, and that I took him a bit for granted. I don't think I worried nearly enough about his happiness. And while I know that we weren't meant to be, it's interesting to look at who we both were ten years ago and finally appriciate him.

He will never know that, of course, we don't speak anymore, since he got married. However, while I have always wished him and his wife (and family) well, for the first time, last night I realized what a truly lucky woman his wife is, to have found and married a man like him.

oh

and I guess you can call the hair blonde now. not yellow like before, but blonde.

The trip

ordinarily I don't have a problem with Blogger. Today, I had this post all done, and it didn't publish and I can't retrieve it. grr.

I took thursday off and went to LA to mee my sister and her husband. It wasn't until I had been there awhile that i realized that I forgot my pills and my hairbrush. The hairbrush I can live without, but the pills keep my hormones normal so I had my wonderful friend who was feeding the critters overnight them to me. We reached Carson City at about 3:30 am.

Friday I awoke and went upstairs to see a beautiful view for the Sierras from the back porch. I had never seen them before. We laid about all day Friday. It was really nice to just relax. By the time everyone arrived, there were 12 people in the house, and it didn't feel a bit crowded. My Aunt and Uncle's home is very welcoming, and I felt completely comfortable there.

Saturday it snowed! and I witnessed snowfall for the first time. I don't consider flurries. We headed up for a half day on the slopes, and after complaining a lot, I rediscovered how much I enjoy snowboarding. It was windy and snowy, but the powder was fresh and deep. It didn't really hurt when I fell on it. I was left with a frozen smile. That night we headed into Carson City for Contra Dancing. way fun. And only slightly embarassing when my slippery borrowed shoes got tangled up in my long skirt and I fell on my face. The impact made my ganglian cyst bigger, but I got right back up laughing and continued the dance.

Sunday, sadly, it was time to go. We left the lovely Carson City. I would have liked to have spent more time, and I have to say that I would consider moving there if I were to leave San Diego, but you know how it is. real life beckoned.

The drive down the 395 was gorgeous. I never did get to see Lake Tahoe, but the other lakes I did see on our return made up for it. Mono Lake was my favorite. It reflected the sky like a mirror. We passed many historical sites. I would have liked to have stopped, but it was getting late. next time though. I finally arrived at my house around 11:30, and I went strait to bed!

Yesterday and today I am like a new woman. Rested and happy. This morning I even gathered the courage to wack my wrist on the bathroom counter to deplete my cyst (this is the doctor recommended method of cure. actually, he told me to whack it with a bible) and although it hurt like mad, it did go down quite a bit. it's still sore though. AND, I'm proud to say that when the conversation jokingly turned to the idea of T stalking me, and I offered to leave him cookies, he said "only if you want me to stay" and I said, after surpressing my urge to keep my fingers quiet, "I always want you to stay" the joking resumed after that, but at least I said what I was feeling for once. fat lot of good it did, but you never know, right?

I'm looking forward to going home and purging the crap some more tonight. You wouldn't believe some of the things I have held onto over the years. Cleaning out my storage unit has really opened my eyes to my habit of keeping everything, and I am actively working on getting rid of all the extra.

I went shopping last night for Harbucks uniforms, and discovered that Target only carries cropped pants and Old Navy only carries pants for skinnybutts. Damn them both. I tried men's clothes, but they don't fit right either. sigh. I guss I will have to make do with what I have for now. I hate clothes shopping.

I'm not ignoring you!

I'm just busy. but I hope that tomorrow I will be able to regale you with stories and perhaps pictures of my Carson City adventure.

So my coworker comes to me today to tell me that there's a really nice guy that is a vendor here who is recently divorced, and hey, how's about him.

I replied that he does seem to be very nice, and that he's looking a lot thinner lately, and that if he continues his downward trend, I might be interested.

She could not believe how shallow I was being. She said it should be about brains and personality, and not about looks.

I see it this way. It's looks that initially attract us to someone. Then, the rest is important. This guy in question was not ugly before. I just tend to be attracted to skinny men. It's how I am wired. I would never tell a man I am not interested in him because of his weight, that would be cruel. I am always happy to make a new friend. I also recognise that there are likely men out there who see me and think, "she would be attractive to me if she lost a few pounds" I don't want them to tell me that, but I know it is true.

So perhapsI am being shallow by temporarily dismissing this gentleman. but I also don't think it would be right to go out with him knowing that I am not attracted to him. I did that this year already and it felt like crap.

Kind of a moot point anyway considering he's never approached me for anything. Maybe he's waiting until I drop a few more pounds!

Cowardice

no. I didn't tell him. But we had a nice time. Korean BBQ. tasty, but it completely derailed my digestive system.

I'll be out of town over the next few days, I don't know if I will be able to blog. Carson City, here I come! Let's just hope my body settles down between now and tomorrow when I have a 10+ hour drive to accomplish.

Was it manipulation?

Because I did't want it to be. here's how the conversation went: (not verbatum)

Me: are we still on for dinner?
T: Maybe, what time will you be finishing tonight? because I have to get B's son B a birthday present.
Me: I'm thinking 6 or 6:30. If you don't have time, we can forget it...
T: No I promised you dinner, it would not be cancelled only postponed. we can wait for that other thing we were going to do eventually...
Me: right.
T: Where is your meeting tonight?
Me: Clairmont (you know, like 3 miles from your house, which is why I agreed yesterday that perhaps we could have dinner tonight)
T:Call me when you are finished. Any idea what you would like?

and so on.

See, I am not the kind of woman who likes to manipulate, but I responded the way I responded so he would know I am angry and hurt. (I am passive agressive that way) But I didn't want to guilt him into seeing me this evening. He's not the sort to feel guilty or do anything he doesn't want to do, but I am the sort to keep my dates whenever possible so it angers me when they aren't kept with me. Especially by persons who know how mad that makes me. don't give me the brush off, just tell me if you don't want to be around me, you know?

damn

I broke down and asked about dinner. oh well.

Bunnicula

Still have the rabbit, the vet wants to see him. he suggested that a gland I cannot pronounce and have never heard of (I took honors credit in Bio, so it's not a matter of not knowing the endocrine system) is working overtime or something. ay yi yi.

In matters of love?
I'm going to let T go ahead and contact me about dinner tonight, because although a little voice in my head is telling me I'm playing games, if he really wants to go, he'll mention it at least. He's on a job walk right now, so he has an excuse for not bringing it up yet. I'm tired of chasing, because I keep tripping and falling and it hurts. And yes, I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, and I would really like to meet a good one. but the good single men are like me, they're tired of the bar scene, tired of the freaks on the internet, and have resigned themselves to staying at home with the TV (TEE vee) where, of course, we are not out meeting each other.

Microwavable pork rinds

Saw em at wal mart. eew.


on a more serious note, those who know me know that it is a rare day when I lie. I can't bear to do it, unless it's to save my ass, in which case, by law, it's ok. (I don't mean legal law, I mean life law) I feel bad when I lie, even small ones, and find that it's easier in the long run to be truthful as much as possible, having learned the hard way that eventually lies will catch up with you.

But on days like today when my heart is screaming in agony, I can't help but tell people I'm ok when I'm really not because it's so much easier to swallow my tears than to explain them, and make them worse. People tell me I should let my emotions show, that I shouldn't bury them until later, but truthfully, in a professional world, that just isn't acceptable.

Thank goodness for my blog, it lets me talk without telling me I'm an idiot (I leave that to my comments) truth is, I know in my brain that I would be better off not chasing hope, but my heart just won't listen. It has always wanted most the things that it cannot have, and T is no different. He says little things to me that keep my hope alive, whether he knows it or not. And then there are days like today when all that gets smashed to smithereens. My ego is fragile, it doesn't take much.

Will I regain the courage to talk to him tomorrow? I don't know. Will I confront him about how much it hurts me when he reschedules? Likely not unless it comes up. I fI want to look on the bright side (hee hee Zube) At least he rescheduled. Perhaps I should be more proactive about it, perhaps I should kick his ass about it. I don't feel like kicking butt. I feel like crawling back into the cave I was in yesterday for some personal healing. Go visit for awhile with the friendly ghost that lives in there.

Chances are, that if I confronted him, I would lose it. Times like these, dignanty is all I've got.
funny how I can have something and not be able to spell it.

Dear T

How can you have forgotten dinner tonight when it is all I have been able to think about for a week? I know I should take the hint, and I shouldn't take it personally, but I do because I care so much. In fact I was ready, finally, to tell you that I care still. To take that leap I have been so terrified of taking because I am so afraid of being rejected. But i've been telling myself that I'll never know unless I try. But, you know, your laundry, that's important. Far more important than keeping a date with me. priorities. right.

Bunny update

If you look closely you can see the Pus in Jack's eye.

he's getting worse. I noticed yesterday that there is a considerably larger abount of pus in his eye. it's bright white instead of yellowish, and it almost completely obstructs his vision. I also noticed that the eye is weepy.

Since I have read about the symptoms of pasturella, I know that the nickname for it is snuffles and that it causes runny bunny noses. So when I noticed his eye last night, I checked his forepaws for signs of snot. There didn't appear to be any, but I looked at his nose and it looks damp, which is not right, bunnies don't have wet noses.

What is the answer? I don't know. I need to call the vet tonight and find out what my best course of action is. He told me before that the next step would be bunny opthamalogist, but I don't think I want to spend the money. I feel wrong thinking of my finances before the life of another living creature, but I have to be realistic and logical. I had hoped that the medications would clear up his problems, but all of the websites I have seen have suggested that there really is no cure for pasturella and that long term medications is the only answer. I have also read that the only way to clear the pus is to scrape it out. surgically. I have not started my new job yet, so funds are still tight, and will be until I get my first paycheck. (and even then, I don't really know how much I will be making...)

I know what T would tell me to do (he's one of my more logical friends, often playing the voice of reason to my wild ideas. well, really most of my wild ideas have something to do with gathering more pets...) I'm sure if I asked, he would do it for me and save me the cost of euthanasia. It's not like the gopher, I can't just hook Jack up to boy roomie's tail pipe and let the carbon monoxide take care of him. He's my pet, you know?

However, I need to figure out what to do soon because I see conflicting reports on the affect that pasturella can have on humans and birds. Losing Jack would be hard. Losing Jack AND Baby would be even harder. She's a tough old bird, but it is a respratory ailment, and birds have delicate lungs. come to think of it, so do I...

Blogging Montage

and so the topics shall spew forth from my fingers with no connection to each other whatsoever... (hee hee, I said spew)

Yesterday I booked my first wedding! I'm thilled and honored to marry my friends.

oh crap, I just forgot everything I was going to talk about.

An important Reminder. Ladies, Monday is Steak and Knobber day. don't forget to treat your man. Unless he's a vegetarian, in which case he probably doesn't like blow jobs either so you're off the hook.

Happy St Patricks Day. I know I should not celebrate the day that St Patrick drove all the "snakes" from Ireland since it's been suggested that it's a eufamism for the removal of the Druids, but, I can't help it that I like to wear green, I don't like to be pinched, and for most people, St Pattys isn't about religious issues, it's about green beer and corned beef. ooh. maybe I'll make corned beef and cabbage in my slow cooker for dinner! (maybe it's too late to have it for dinner tonight, but there's always tomorrow!)mmm. corned beef and cabbage.

I just checked my email, and there was SPAM in there that was sent tomorrow.

There was indeed lots more, but I'm still forgetful and I should be working.

Crazy days

This is the cake I made for my mom's birthday. Note the half dead african violet. I really did try to do well by it, but since it's 2 years old and already survived the cat eating it, and moving 3 times, if it dies, I understand.

At my mom's party, the following conversation occurred. I think it's funny, so I am going to share:

(we were ordering take out chinese)

Momi: I like Mushroom Chinese Mushroom!

Me: I like Mushroom Chinese Mushroom!

Lee: I like Mushroom Chinese Mushroom!

Eric: I like Pork Fried Rice!

Lee: I think I'll get Shrimp Fried rice!

It flowed like poetry. Guess you had to be there.

The following terms/insults also floated around freely. Feel free to pick them up and use them when appropriate

Vagina drip

Moose Clit

Possum Pecker

and always my favorite, twat nose.

I love my family.

Harbucks

Had my second interview yesterday and I'm hired!

T got invited to submit his resume here: www.globalprinciples.com on one hand I'm excited because it would be perfect for him, on the other hand, it's in Alabama. And I was just about ready to tell him how much I care. But I won't let that stop me, no siree, because I think that's the next step in my healing process, even if it means I'll rip my heart open all over again. He isn't getting his hopes up, but I think he really wants it. que sera.

on the less fun front, last night I was shaving my legs (finally) and I thought I whould hit my toes, not because I have hairy toes, of course, there's just a few hairs on two of my toes and well, I knicked them pretty good. bandaid good. so now I have Harry Potter toe rings. the left one glows in the dark. not the cut, the bandaid.

today is my half birthday. happy half birthday to me. I baked my mom a birthday cake, becaue it's her full birthday, but the second layer didn't come out of the pan very well so it's a bit of a mess. I guess that's what I get for rying to be fancy. pray for the peanut butter frosting, it's next on my list.

tee hee

a news quote:

"Hood lives in the Licking County town of Granville, about 25 miles east of Columbus"

part of the reason it's funny is because he was arrested for making lewd prank phone calls. hmm. I think I might want to move to licking county too...

one, two, three, Backlash!

I would be willing to place money (if I were the betting type) on the idea that this is going to be called cruel and unusual, and an infringement on the rights of this man.

I say, good for the judge, the man is an ass.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,187427,00.html

funktified

you know I'm in a funk when I need to go play with the drunk guy to make me smile. I love it when he yodels.

http://wagenschenke.ch/ click on "play home run". I know that unless you read german, it won't make sense, but if I can figure it out, so can you. my remembered record is 17 meters.

This morning I couldn't find anything to wear. and I'm wearing fullbutts instead of thongs and they're all bunchy under my nylons. I forgot to take my pill wednesday night so I didn't shave last night because I thought it was wednesday instead of thursday. Yesterday I thought it was friday when I woke up and I actually used "you can sleep in tomorrow" as consolation for having to get out of bed. then reality hit. but I still had to get out of bed. Truly, I would go home early today if I could. But I can't, so here I am, blogging and becoming increasingly stressed about the work I am not doing, but having no motivation to actually get it done.

Lovely.

Hail No! (I mean yes)

It was just hailing outside. I remember when I lived in a colder more country place (two valleys to the west of where I am sitting right this moment) it would hail and be cold and dry enough that the hail would stick and we could go outside and make hail balls. but we never threw them at each other. We did keep one in the freezer for a little while though, once. Sometimes, in shadowy places the hail would remain for a few days and I would pretend it was snow.

In a rare moment of pure childlike fun, I ran outside with my umbrellelelela so I could experience it properly. it was joyful. I wanted to stay out a little bit longer, but my little black heels don't keep my feet very warm and I didn't want anyone to ask why I was standing randomly on my porch in the hail with my umbrella. in other words, adulthood barged in on my childlike time.

And it just occurred to me that I need to find that same childlike wonder in as much of life as I can because life isn't about perfection, it's about art. and true art is not perfect, regardless of what C thinks.

Speaking of C, yesterday was his birthday. I was invited over to his mom's for friends and family time. but none of his other friends showed up. it was awkward. I know his family was wondering (again) what the heck I was doing there. One day I will learn not to keep making the same mistaks over and over again. I tried to put it into perspective, but it didn't really work. I realize that C and T are the only exes I have that I hang out with outside of group settings. Sadly, that sparks hope in the T department.

Speaking of T, all conversations have remained G rated since I admitted that it hurts me to have those conversations with him. HOORAY for me!

chocolaty goodness

my friend christin brought me some lindt bugs and bees. she had no idea I am having a beetle problem, but we had a good giggle. and now I have to try not to eat them all at once.

I really should be working right now since I spent all day vendorsitting, but I lost my steam looking happy while I was vendorsitting.

I went on an interview with Harbucks yesterday. I think it went well. they seemed a little intimidated by my business suit (I wear them to work) and one of the interviewers kept looking at my chest. I don't know why, the girls weren't on display. all I want is a night job. if allowing him to look at my boobs will get me hired, I think I can handle it. I know many find them evil, but it looks like it would be fun to work there and "Barrista" sounds so exotic. I'd be a bellydancing barrista!

Ooh! I almost forgot!

Remember how I told you about that friend of mine that fell off the face of the earth and I thought perhaps it was a religious issue? He found me on MySpace! hooray! It was really nice hearing from him. I can't wait to find out what he has been up to, the man has adventure wherever he goes!

Searching for ???

Gary said something the other day in a comment he made, and I have been pondering it ever since.

He said that I appear to be searching for something, and that he hopes that I find it.

So I started looking at myself and my life and I started wondering what it is that I am looking for. And I think I might know the answer. I am searching for a purpose.

Growing up, I was the oddball. I was the one who didn't feel wanted, didn't feel important, and I felt like everyone was just waiting for me to screw up. To drop the baby and cause irrepairable damage, to burn the house down. I was actually told once, when I was in junior high, that my step dad believed that if the house was buring down around me, that I would just sit there and watch it happen, and perish in doing so. He actually worried that I wouldn't have the initiative to remove myself from a burning building.

I now know that they were wrong about me. I knew then too, but now I will gladly shout it from the rooftops. or at least I would if I were the shouting type. Now, my family watches and waits, but only to see me do something silly so that we can all laugh.

However, one of the scars this atmosphere left on me is that I feel the need to show that I am not the child they thought I was. I have transitioned from apparent underachiever to overachiever.

For me, this means that I think I should be doing far more with my life than I am doing right now. And I just don't know what that is. Unfortunately for the type A part of my personality, the universe does not tell us when we are fulfilling our purpose, so I wander around doing the best that I can to be useful, and I grow ever frustrated that I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I take on more projects because I think I should be superwoman.

Every so often, I realize that with every smile, I change the world a little. and every year I live, I change who I want to be. I know that I have always wanted to own my own business, and I have and do. My dreams have grown and shrunk over the years (at one point they went multinational corperate). Dreams do that.

Add to that confusing mix of asperations (not aspirators, those are snot suckers) a desire for a life partner, travel, and maybe children (MAYBE, Shawna) and you get a person who, for all her apparent confidence is, well, lost.

So I go home each night, I knit, tend my garden and pets, I play with my imprinter and my soap, I chase carpet beetles and bake cookies (but I don't bake the beetles into the cookies because that's gross). And all through this I wonder what I should be doing because, although it's nice, and I really love being at home (except for the carpet beetle part) I think that I should be doing something to change the world or find a partner or have some kids or expand my business or...

Or, maybe realxing after a hard day's work is what life is all about. so perhaps after all, I am searching for acceptance that whatever it is that I am doing, right now, is what I am supposed to be doing and I should be patient. It's hard to be patient when you are a bit greedy and you want more, or maybe it's not that I want more, just different. But logic says that different, and more, aren't better, just different and heaven forbid, more. Even though it's not really more on my plate I want, but more out of life, because it's difficult to be satisfied with little when you think you have to make big.

The band plays on

I have carpet beetles. They crawl on me while I sleep. Then I wake up and can't go back to sleep because I feel all creepy crawly. I don't know where they came from. thank goodness for Bug Guy who will give me spray for them. The problem is, I have to pick everything up off of my carpet, and take the kids out for 4 hours. What do you do with turtles for 4 hours?

Work is very busy right now. Actually, Right now I should be working instead of blogging.

I had lots of things to blog about yesterday, but I was too busy and now I have forgotten what they were.

grumble

look out I'm mad...


grumble, grumble

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE RECORDS DOING AT YOUR HOUSE? SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE TURNED THOSE OVER TO MY LIBRARY TWO YEARS AGO? DON'T THEY BELONG TO THE COMPANY, AND AREN'T THEY PROPRIATARY INFO? DID YOU NOT HEAR ME WHEN I SAID I WANT EVERYTHING?

grumble, grumble. cabinet designers. grumble grumble. sorry for yelling, i wish it had worked.

how much??

I am the kind of girl who likes to track things. and since other methods don't seem to be working, I am going to start tracking my weight loss here on this page. You can see my ticker at the bottom. It doesn't tell you where I am starting, probably because it thinks I am embarassed by my weight. I'm not. I'm not, because I don't look like I weigh what I weigh. I carry it very well. In fact, this morning on the radio I listened to a woman who called in because she can't get a date, and yet she was turning down these men, sight unseen, because they were "pudgy" at 180. No thought as to the fact that muscle weighs more than fat, just "oh he must be fat if he's 5'11" and weighs 180." baloney.
I knowI would look fabulous at 135. I also know that according to "fitness gurus" my ideal weight is about 120. That to be a "10" I should be about 110. I'm telling you that I could starve myself and get there, but I would look like I just walked out of a concentration camp. Plus I would be very grumpy because I like food. I'm just not built that way. That's ok with me. So I like myself best at 135, and I am hoping that by tracking my loss here, I will try harder to reach my goals. Since in my mind losing weight means working out more and eating better, then I will be achieving fitness as well.

I'm 5'4" tall. I currently weigh 160. fitness gurus can kiss my butt.

puckin around

I am not a hockey fan. Not because I dislike it, but because I am ignorant to the game. I know a few things about it (kind of like soccer on ice. played with a puck. the puck is frozen. the best part of the game is when people fight. very popular in Canada). I have never been to a hockey game, although my city does have a team and I hear they are very good.
the following cracks me up about my city's team. In order to attract fans, they have giveaways. this is not odd, many sports teams give stuff away. Lets take a look at last weekend's schedule, shall we?

Friday night: T-shirt night (normal so far) and not just any kind of t-shirt, no, the first 5000 fans receive a free SLEEVELESS t-shirt. Sleeveless t shirts are not hot. I couldn't find a picture of said shirts online, but keep reading.

Saturday night: Disco night. With free afro wigs to the first 5000 fans. A-Fro wigs. in my search for the t-shirts mentioned above, I discovered something.



yes. the afro wigs were red. I suppose that it would be rather un PC to make them black. but I have to say, the blonde afro on the left is pretty funny. The red ones? I'd say it looks more like Jerome Furniture sponsored Ronald McDonald night.

Maybe I will attend a hocky game. Bring your dog to the game night is coming up, and I love puppies. I think I will skip sleeveless t shirt and disco night though. If I wanted a red afro, I'd put my hair in curlers. Who knows? maybe I could score a date with blonde afro guy.

A Hooha for Charlie!!

This has nothing to do with the proverbial pussy, I just wanted to give Charlie a treat because he gave me a lovely compliment and well, flattery gets you everywhere. I am also trying to become more comfortable using the word pussy because it's very descriptive and it's one of those words that nice girls aren't supposed to say. While I doubt I will ever be able to refer to my anatomical wonders that way (much preferring words like kitty, or hooha, but really preferring not to refer to it at all) it's a great way to describe people I know who just are a bit on the wimpy side.

Meanwhile, his Snarkiness was discussing his downstairs neighbor today and it reminded me of the reasons I never wanted to live in another apartment again, and how I am redeveloping my love/hate relationship.

I'm sure I have discussed how much I love being on my own. I don't run about nakid as much as I would like to, but it is nice to have only my own messes to deal with and all that.

But there are a few things that are a bit bothersome.

• My neighbors still vibrate, although it has stopped happening at 4 am and now they wait until 6 am when I should really be thinking harder about getting out of bed anyway. The reason behind the vibration is still a mystery. but at least the extremely loud noises have stopped and I no longer think my TV is dying in the middle of the night
• Downstairs, the kids have been getting in a lot more trouble lately.
• Someone nearby fights a lot.
• Someone nearby is a door slammer. While door slamming keeps poltergists away, well, it also annoys the neighbors. I have a feeling the door slamming has something to do with the fights. I also think it has something to do with the couple next door since none of this happened in a month of living there before they moved in.

I know I shouldn't bitch because I now don't have to deal with overflowing trashcans and my food disappearing before I can eat it and pussified boyfriends, but I'm human, and a woman. I can always find room for complaint.

I took this picture to remind myself of why I don't want any more roomates. I would like to point out that I did not create any of the trash shown in the bin, that they just kept shoving it in even though the bag seems to have dissapeared, and that I took out the trash after I took the picture.

Where did he go?

Charlie's blog has dissapeared. Maybe he got bored with the blogging world? maybe he thought no one was looking. I looked, but he was missing today. Hope everything is okay!

eek!

cute designer just popped (popped, not pooped.) by for some drawings. I'm all flustered. nothing worse than a nice face to throw me off track. Last time an attractive single designer came through it was T. and the rest is history.
I made sure I chewed bubblegum to cover my coffee breath. I watched my language. when he forgot to give me his email address to send drawings to, I told him I couldn't pull it out of my butt. (ooh, maybe that wasn't a good thing to say, but it was classic Gina so I was really just being me) and he made sure he took my card. And he said I was easy. err. actually, he said his experience with me was easy as far as finding the drawings and getting what he needed, but that's the same thing, right? right?

AND

if you farted in the swimming pool while wearing said panty hose would the air get caught in the feet, or would it aerate out the little holes in your hose? Maybe it would only get caught in the foot area if you swim faster than the speed of fart.

Ooh, here's a question for the ages

If you went swimming with your pantyhose on, would you have webbed feet like a duck? would you go faster? Is there a rule in competitive swilling that says you can't wear pantyhose in a race because they give undue advantage? It was never mentioned when I swam, but I only swam one season in high school and was only DQ'd once so I never had a chance to break that rule (if it exists) I mean, I would much rather swim against people in pantyhose than the girl I once saw at a meet that looked like she was smuggling kittens. you know. down there where her bathing suit didn't cover.

Dear coworkers,

I realize that you don't really know what I do. Basically, I record, file, and retrieve. If you drop a piece of paper in my mailbox, and you don't tell me what to do with it, I'm going to record and file it. Then I am going to forget about it because frankly, I have 7 full lateral file cabinets to keep track of, and that doesn't include the flat files or the stick files. Some things, I automatically know what to do with because, well, it's obvious because I asked you for it. You should be glad I don't shred everything that comes in without a label instead of taking my precious blogging time.

that's so sad!

Someone found be my searching "bunny picture with e.cuniculi" sadly, I don't think I was any help because other than the pus in his eye, Jack does not have any symptoms. but i don't think I have bragged yet that he's the best bunny ever because he takes his meds like a champ. Really, I don't even have to take him out of his cage, I just stick the syringe through and he eats the stuff on his own. good bunny. almost makes up for the poo he scatters all over.

um, duh...

Today, I've been gettingreally upset with the stupidity of others, but really, I'm throwing stones from a glass house. I can't really explain it except that well, I've spent enought time laughing at myself today that I have a bellyache. My poor boss. he kept trying to talk to me and all day I just ignored him.

What the F???

I don't often bring politics into my arena, and this IS the first I have heard of this so I am not going to pretend to be knowlagable about the situation, but I, in my ignorance can't see how this could be good:

"The annual conference was taking place in a capital enthralled by the political firestorm over government plans to approve takeover of operations at some terminals at six U.S. ports by a company owned by the United Arab Emirates government."

Not because it's an Arabic government, but because I don't think it's a good idea to allow our ports to be governed by a company owned by any country but the good 'ol US of A. even if the chief executive will be an American citizen

Maybe I am naieve to think that we, as business owners need to consider the ramifications of outsourcing? I know it's cheaper to get things done overseas, but we are undermining our own workforce. I went to a confrence a couple of months ago and they were very insistant that my data entry be sent to India. I am pleased that we are economically assisting third world countries by sending much needed work there, but here's an idea, how about a welfare work at home program?

Because I don't see how it makes sense to pay welfare recipiants out of the taxes we pay on our income while we save money by having the work performed in another country. don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to welfare, (when it is not abused) but there are many women sitting at home eating bon bons who could be asked to earn a bit of what they recieve every month doing something other than raising babies. I think there are a lot of stay at home moms who would love to be able to earn a little extra pocket money this way. My othermother used to do medical transcriptions while she babysat us. what an inspiration! (no, she was not on welfare)

Maybe I am being an ass again. Perhaps I will eat my words later, but I would rather pay Suzie Highschoolstudent minimum wage to enter my data, which would help her earn much needed job experience, than save a couple of bucks sending it to India. I'm just sayin.

Yesterday

I had like 20 zillion things I wanted to blog about, but today I can only think of two. dangit. they were deep too.


One:

I was an ass. A couple of months ago, I was upset with girl roomie because she skipped Bunco to attend a friend's mom's funeral. I questioned whether she even knew said friend's mom. Out loud. for all to hear. (she did know her. Well. I found out later)
Saturday, I attended the funeral of a friend's wife. I had never met her, but felt as though I should go to support my friend. While there, I realized that I had allowed my anger and frustration towards girl roomie at that time to override my senses and cause me to act like an ass. A huge ass. And I feel really bad about it. I know it was a growing experience, and I will hopefully think about it the next time assiness comes upon me, but in hindsight, I'm still an ass.

two:

The mall seems to bring out the worst in my attitude. I was there for maybe 20 minutes, and from one end to another, I started formulating an extensive list of pet peeves. Almost every one started with "people who" which only served to strenthen my feeling that the more I get to know them, the less I like people. Here they are:

1. People who use their phones in the bathroom (I don't want the person you are talking to listening to me pee)
2. People who walk really slow through crowded areas. (I always get stuck behind them. Slow traffic, move right!!)
3. People who shuffle thier feet (really. few other things grate on my nerves like the sound of scraping shoes)
4. People who do not yield for pedestrians. (In California, Pedestrians ALWAYS have the right of way)
5. People who drive so fast through parking lots that I have to leap out of the way in order not to get run over
6. People who walk down the center aisle of the parking lot and don't move over when they see ot hear you coming.

I'm cranky all over again just thinking about it.

Celebrities

I discovered Zach Braff's blog today. He seems like an interesting fellow. I was inspired by his post to comment, but first I had to read through the other 500 posts to make sure no one else had come up with my idea.

Almost all of them said the same thing. You are amazing. I love Scrubs. Let me have your baby. Good for you and Mandy, call me when you break up. I'm an amature film student...On and on and on. I think he actually said that he reads every comment.wow. You know this is something celebrities deal with all the time. My friend who has a bit of noteriety doesn't discuss the multitudes of emails he gets every day, but he has said that he's about 6 months behind answering them. If every one of them is anything like the comments on Zach's site, it's no wonder Dat doesn't answer them right away. There's only so often you can say, thank you for watching, thanks for the compliment, yes we are very happy. blah blah blah blah blah. I think I would stop wanting to read them after awhile.

Earth to freakazoids! the people you see on TV are charactors! I can tell you right now that Dat is totally different in person than he is on stage. Not in a bad way, he's a good guy. But either way, it's an act, folks. Sure, there are some elements of thier charactors in thier personality. Zach seems, from the short posts that I read, to be someone who would be fun and silly to hang out with. But I don't pretend to know him from one blog entry. He's just an actor i enjoy watching.

So now you might be wondering what I was inspired to write to him. Here it is in a nutshell, and by the way, I scanned every comment. I didn't see this mentioned anywhere eles. Sad.

"I can't believe that no one else thought to point out that if you drink the glow-stick juice, you might have glow in the dark twosies."

dangit. backfired!

Dear Rice Crispie Treats,
I know I made you, but I brought you in today so that all my visitors and boss would eat you. Then I wouldn't. But my plan backfired and I have eaten nearly the entire batch of you. Damn you and your marshmellowy crunchy goodness.

Maybe I have predudice

Actually we all do, some just spell it better than others. Mine is a little different than others.

Conversation came up last night regarding a party I will be attending on Sunday and the fact that there may be attractive men there. The down side is that any man there is likely to be a Christian because my cousin, who is throwing the party, is church going folk.

Let me say first of all, that I don't have a problem with Christians. Religion is a personal issue. We have discussed all this before. I am not adverse to dating a Christian. I just don't think one would want to date me. I am making assumptions, of course, and generally, I actually prefer to date outside my faith, but it seems to me that Christians are more comfortable being in a relationship with others of thier faith. There is nothing wrong with that. My predudice (at least if I am going to misspell it, I will try to do it the same way in the same article) is that I don't think that the men, should there be any single ones there, will be interested in me, based on my faith. And truly, I respect that.

In unrelated news, Bug guy met three men at the gym last night and sent them all to mySpace to check me out.

hee hee

So I was mapquesting a trip to visit my aunt and uncle, and I found the following places in CA that made me giggle.

Bagdad (too bad our soldiers aren't being sent there instead of the OTHER one)
Woody (hee hee hee)
Coalinga (just sounds dirty)
Los Banos (the bathroom???)
Yolo

I need a life.

Who we are

Jen, who must be watching a lot of Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, or at the very least is affected because I myself watch the movie just about every week and, well, we do share a brain, made an interesting coment on the last post.

No, not the one where she tells me to be strong (thank you) but the one where she says that we are all someone elses C, someone elses T, and someone elses Monster.

Because we are. You see, though all this, one of the things that screams at me, is that for all the C wants to be back with me, I want to be back with T. And just as he needs to understand that I have moved on and I don't want to retry, so does T want me to move on since he does not want to retry. There are parallels that cannot be denied. The lesson remains, even though it is hard to follow my own advice.

So Charlie, you may be someone'e T. You may also be someone's C. (wow, if that gets anymore complicated, I'm really going to confuse myself) I considered posting excerpts from the letters, but I feel as though it would be a cruelty to C to make public his feelings without his permission. It's bad enough that I discuss it openly on a forum he has access to if he wants it. who am I to expose his pain, verbatum? To expose his private letters?

I will say that he discusses our compatibility and reminds me of how well we got along. He tells me that he has grown and can appriciate me now. And it is partially this that makes it difficult to say no. However, I told him that although I was happy with him, I know now that what I want in a partner has changed, and that I haven't found my ideal man because my ideal man wants me too. I reminded him of how much he hurt me, and how trust, once shattered will never be as strong as it was before because the memory of the hurt remains. I told him that I would spend our life together punishing him a bit for hurting me (not because I am mean or vindictive, but because it's human nature and would be difficult to avoid) and he would spend it trying to make up for that hurt. I told him that in the past two years I have dated a few idiots and one man that changed my life. And that my heart isn't whole yet to give away again. (it's still smeared on the pavement)
I believe that it is best for me to start over with someone new. Sure, I would be estatic if T decided he wanted to be with me, that "I'll consider children" is enough. But it isn't going to happen. So would C be thrilled if I said, "Ok, just this once more, we will call the other three times practice".
Reality? Starting fresh would sure be nice. It would heal us both. And when C meets someone who is more compatible with him that I, he will realize that I'm not longer what he wants in a woman. I just don't think he has dated since me.
And, as Sensei has reminded me, I still have half an alphabet of alphamales to date. Heck, I may have to find a new way to designate the dates!

Another day

another letter trying to convince me. It breaks my heart. It's a challenge to my resolve. A huge challenge to my resolve. Thank you for your support. It really helps.

What? No!

Intereting weekend.

Spent Sat night speaking to a cute 26 yr old who wouldn't shut up. Very nice guy, it was nice to have someone to talk to, I just didn't do very much talking.

Sunday I went to C's house for a bit of TV and Kingdom of Heaven (I liked it. And Orlando Bloom was looking HOT even if he has a wierdly placed nipple) when he dropped me off, he told me he wants to try again. I said no. It was hard. It tests my resolve. Please tell me I did the right thing. Because on one hand, he was a bonehead. On the other hand, didn't I agree that if there is a large amount of compatibility, you should hold on to it? Sensei and Jen, you have been through all of this with me. I need your support too.

ow, ow, ow, ow, ow

that hurt far more than I thought it would. musn't cry at work...Needed to hear it, even though I didn't really want to. I provoked it. Can I please move on now???please? I'm tired of running about with a hole in my heart.

Bunny Decisions

It occured to me last night, as Jack ran about the house and I prepared to give him his medicine, that I have been saying for the last couple of weeks that I don't know if I am prepared to take on the responsibilty of a special needs bunny. And last night I thought about how if I had a boyfriend, I would be concerned about staying at his house overnight because I have a responsibility to my rabbit (should his new meds be needed twice a day), and oh my what a pain that is.

And it occurred to me that I should see this not as a burden, but as a challenge. That I should accept the challenge given to me. There is something to learn from this and while, yes, I do not want to go into debt for a bunny, how can I ever consider the thought of caring for a child if I won't care for a rabbit? how would Jack's special needs be any different from say, my nephew, who is autistic and his parents have risen to the occation without complaint?What about HR, who has been caring for his mother and sister his whole life? I don't know him very well, but I have a feeling, from what people tell me, that he doesn't think twice about it.

I know that an argument can be made that humans are different from animals. But I see no life as expendable, I feel like their lives are just as valid as ours. My challenge is so much less difficult than the ones of the people mentioned above. I'm lucky, that if the universe decided to give me this life lesson, that it isn't nearly as difficult as their's.

So, for now, I will stop complaining and care for my pet. I'm sure I can find room in my budget for his medication. I think it's the right thing to do. And I think I will be a better person for it.

Um...

Ginamonster -- [noun]: A person who likes to steal tins of tuna 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Hooray!

My website is now up and running. I have tweaked it all evening, and here it is! Now go buy stuff!

www.bubbly-creations.com

Meanwhile, all you crafty people, I am interested in offering select hand crafted items on consignment through my site. Please contact me if you are interested. These items do not have to be bath related, I just like to be able to offer an outlet for people who make stuff but don't know what to do with it. I have not set up this option yet, just sos you know.

Is is friday yet?

Really I think I'd rather it was Saturday. At work, I keep finding old screw ups and making new ones. Had another one of THOSE conversations with T. you know, the kind where I end up crying inside and wishing I could just let go so that it stops hurting. round and round and round I go.

I'm looking forward to spending time tonight working on my businesses.

Last night I discovered that if I have kids, I will likely tease them inssesently because I like thier reaction. I was having a blast tickling my friend's dog's foot last night. I didn't know dogs could be ticklish. She's cute. so is her sister. you can see them here: http://www.rebturtle.com/our_dog_pics2.htm they're nice dogs.

Jack has BOTH the e.cuniculi parasite AND pasturella. the Vet wants to start treatment for the e.cuniculi. I want to give up on bunnies alltogether, no matter how cute he is. there really isn't a CURE for the parasite, just stablization. I don't know if he will have to be on meds forever, I do know that I don't want to have to ask someone to take care of him again. (feeding is one thing, meds are another)

Homestly, if I had known today was going to be like this, I would have stayed home. It could be worse though. Much, much worse.

I am SO laughing right now

because someone found me by searching "Bubble butt girl"

I'm absolutely tickled.

New Blog

here:

http://shutdownthebitches.blogspot.com/

Radio time

So every afternoon on my way home from work (you know, all 15 minutes or so) I listen to Tom Lykis (www.blowmeuptom.com) even though I am not a part of his target demographic.

Here is my confession. I agree with most of what he says. The reason I don't agree with all of it is that he does use generalizations that don't apply to everyone. But he does admit that and I definately give him credit for it.

Yes, Tom comes accross as misogynistic, but when you consider what he is saying, much of it is true. I almost called in yesterday.

He was running a segment asking listeners to call in if they were going out with an ex last night. (C and I had dinner) The first person I heard call argued with him that she wasn't pathetic because she didn't have anyone else to go out with. His advice to men? Don't answer the phone when your ex calls on V day, you are her last resort. Me? I didn't call him, he invited me, and dinner was free for both of us. at an expensive restraunt. (if you are in the San Diego area, and you want dinner, I recommend Lou and Mickey's. Very tasty) We expected nothing more from each other than company and that's what we got.

So often I hear men writing in talking about how their girl friend/spouse, whatever, treats them terribly. How they got "trapped" and this and that. It's interesting for me to hear a man's point of view. Abuse cases directed at men rarely make the news, but here are men calling in, telling of physical and verbal abuse. discussing how these women use their kids as leverage to keep them. Threaten to have them arrested for abuse that never happened, (this happened to a man I dated, I find it apalling) and I must say that it makes me ashamed to be female, and helps me to understand why men are so hesitant to get involved. (if you listen to Tom, he will tell you not to get involved at all, just have booty calls)

Don't get me wrong, I love being a woman. But ladies, please. We cry for empowerment and equality, and yet when it comes to men, we revert to sniveling bitches. We whine and cry to get what we want. We blackmail men into doing what we want them to do. I think it's time to stop. I think it's time for us to stand up, and really be equal. Sexually. If Tom says that men should use us for a booty call, then I say, there's nothing wrong with using them right back. To quit pouting and remember that we enjoy sex too. You can choose (like me) to not sleep with someone you aren't dating, there's nothing wrong with that. but I have to agree that if there is a mutual attraction, and you're holding out, he's going to go somewhere else to get it.

I'm starting a new blog. I think there are a lot of women who think this way too and I want their opinion. Men, of course, are welcome. I want to hear your stories of how you've been treated badly. I want you to tell me about your ideal woman (aside from the part where she's mute, has handles for ears, and a flat spot on her head) I think it's time to turn the tide. I think it's time to show men that there are women out there who although they may want to settle down and be "taken care of" they are willing to take care right back. To maintain themselves and be trophy wives if they stay at home, to contribute equally if they work. I want those of us with self esteem and a respect for the oposite sex to overtake the whining bitches and become the norm for women.

I'm all wound up. let's get it done.

In the spirit of the day

Instead of lamenting my lack of a valentine, I think I will rehash some particularly good valentine stories (just highlights) from the four relationships that I had that coincided with the day.

B (High school Boyfriend) bought me pink roses because I asked for them. Took me to the sweetheart dance. I broke up with him soon after. he was a very nice guy.

D Our first V day we couldn't find an open restraunt, so we ordered a pizza and watched a movie together on the couch. it was very sweet.

C Second V day, he bought me a blooming plant and made me a card with our picture on it. it's a happy memory.

T only V day. He called (this was just a couple of days after we met) not because it was V day, but because he liked talking to me. It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

those are the highlights. Tonight I will be visiting my mom and having a late dinner at a fancy restraunt with C. not a romaintic thing, it's free for both of us because he's working there tonight. and hey, free fancy steak, who could refuse??

Had an interesting weekend not snowboarding. highlight? saw a couple of bald eagles. through a telescope, but I still saw them!

I'm obsessed because I know this

That T and I met one year ago today.

I'm healing because I didn't realize it until just now and I have not mentioned it to him.

I'm turning into my grandmother

Background:

My great grandparents bought thier house right after WWII. It overlooks Sunset Cliffs, which is a lovely view of the ocean. They had the same neighbors pretty much the whole time they lived there. (They died in 1995. They lived there a long time) When they died, the house went to my grandmother who I would visit quite often (until towards the end when I got too busy and I will always feel bad even though I was at her side every day at the very end and I held her foot while she died, so I don't have a lot of guilt, just some)

Ma would tell me stories about her week. and her week always included a visit from Bubble Butt. Bubble Butt lived accross the street. My Great Grandmother named her that. Apparently she has a big butt. I have never met her because by the time my father inherited the house, none of the neighbors would talk to me (yes, he pissed them off that badly. GG's house became the drug house on the street. The last time it sold, almost a year ago, it went for nearly a million. It's a nice neighborhood). I have no idea what Bubble Butt's real name is, she's just Bubble Butt.

It occurred to me that I have become my grandmother because I give people descriptive nicknames that stick. Like Creepy (I feel bad about that one because he ended up helping me so much) and See Through Skirt Girl. And today, someone got renamed, Saggy Pants.

After I renamed him, I realized that this habit is family tradition. I have now become my grandmother.

when weddings happen

I have only had the experience of exes getting married a could of times. I know there will be a time before I know it when more will be getting married but I will jump off that bridge when I come to it.

The first one was my first "real" boyfriend, if you know what I mean. I was no longer thinking of him THAT way and really didn't want much to do with him, although of course I wished him well. He stayed in touch with my mom however and invited her to his wedding. The picture he sent of his wife to be looked frighteningly like me. My mom did not go, and I mentally moved on. He will be forever more known as J, they guy I broke up with in the parking lot at Home Depot. Not to be confused with J, annoying work guy.

The second time this happened wasn't really an exboyfriend, just someone who I went out with a few times (like to prom. twice) and we got kissyface, but nothing further because I was not ready for that. HIS wife to be, although we were friends in school, didn't care for me once they got together. when the invite arrived, it was addressed to D and Guest, although D and I had been together for nearly 5 years at that point and were living together. I went of course, the groom was and is a dear friend. And I would go again, it was a fun wedding. They're divorced now, and the rest is another story.

What would I do if I were caught in that spot again? I'm not sure. If man #2 were to marry the woman he is with now, I wouldn't think twice about going. she and I are friends and I don't think she sufferes from the same insecurities as his first wife. if T were getting married, I would probably spend the whole day in bed. If D gets married, I plan to be there if invited. but we are all friends and any insecurities would be mine. who knows, by the time T gets married, I may be done crying. but based on today, I don't think that will be soon.

Hell is when the man you can't seem to let go insists on finding you a new man. I'm proud of myself for telling him it upsets me. Maybe now he will stop.

Psst...Hey. C'mere

You want to buy some vitamins? i've got some really good ones, fresh stuff, you know???


Yeah. The vitamin company wanted me to sell vitamins to my friends and family. Not going to happen. I'll sell them soap, I'll imprint napkins and matchbooks and pencils for them, but I am not going to hit them up for vitamins too.

Then, because I wasted my time at the vitamin company, I missed the Starbucks hiring event. But I did apply at Office Depot. Then I tried to figure out how long I will have to have a second job in order to pay off my credit card bill, which, by the way, is not nearly as ugly as most people's. My magic 8 ball says: "outlook not so good". Sad how hard it is to get out ofdebt. I mean, of course it's easy to get there, but getting out? wow.

Hooray!

I have an interview tonight! second jobs are fun! I'll be able to pay my bills! Hooray!

yeah it's greyish

Still don't like the hair, can't wait to be able to afford to fix it!!

Jack has pus in his eye. I thought it was a growth because there are veins going to it and it was getting bigger. So I contacted a vet and he said it was a protozoa and to bring him in ASAP.
the vet I actually saw listed several things it could be, let me know that the veins were an immune response, took blood for tests, and gave me antibiotics for him (twice a day for ten days) The antibiotics might work if it is bacterial, which means he has Pasturella. If not, then the problem is not bacterial which means it might be the protozoa or it could just be an abscess. He may want to refer me to an animal ophthalmologist who would look, maybe sample the pus, and maybe remove the eye if necessary. all I heard was the dollars flying out of my wallet.

Thus far I have spent over $300 on my $4 bunny, and that isn't counting food, litter, and bedding. He just became more expensive than my hair. ooh, next, I will post the current hair color. I forgot to do that.

Another exciting weekend

My couch and coffee table. can you see my spinning wheel to the right?. yeah, haven't used it but once...I still prefer my drop spindle. Who knew?


I'm taking Jack to the vet tonight regarding the growth in his eye. Apparently that means he hs a parasite. It's called a "Encephalitazoan cuniculi" I will google it and see what I come up with. It never hurts to be informed. T says I should eat him. I think he would fit nicely in my still unused crock pot.
Dustin and I had fun at the beach on saturday. My tennis shoes are not meant for use near tide pools. slippery, you know. HE says that I have met my limit on the amount of pets that one person should have in thier apartment and that I should strike Hemit Crabs from my list of prospective pets. I think I am a grown up and can have as many animals as I want, BUT that the crabs will be more expensive to set up and maintain than I care to spend, so I think I have let that idea go. I'll just visit them at the pet store along with the kittens.

Adventures in moving

I realize this stuff is a bit late. But this is the Jock Strap I found in my linen closet when I lined the shelves. It was on the top shelf so I can kind of see how it could have been forgotten. kind of. I check all cabinets and drawers when I move, I don't know.

Keep your gosh darn banana to yourself!

I'm not sure if I have ever shared the following information with you, but I must make the following statement in order for you to understand that you must be very careful where you leave your bananas.

I am allergic to bananas. Very allergic. I cannot touch them without developing what I refer to as banana lips. Banana lips occur when I have had contact with a stray banana. (I don't have to eat them, touching them will produce a reaction)The symptoms include tiny blisters on my mouth and swelling that is consistant with bad collegen injections. The last time I had a banana in my mouth (actually it was an accidental banana muffin, but the phrase banana in my mouth was too much to pass up) my tounge turned laffy tafffy purple.

That said, you would be amazed at how careless people are when disposing of this potentially toxic substance. I see banana peels left in parking lots, draped over fence posts, tossed carelessly on the side of hiking trails, and sometimes in very odd places.

Case in point, Brother needed to rent the movie "Pulp Fiction" last night so I took him to the video store for the following reasons:

1. My mother does not have a rental card because the place where she used to rent movies went out of business.
2. It was a homework thing
3. My mom tore ligaments in her foot surfing in Hawaii and has now been renames "Gimpy". she needed to go to bed last night as this came up as an issue (the homework) around 9:30.

So we went to the video store. And looked for the DVD. Brother finally asked about it when we couldn't find it, and the clerk told him they didn't have it. Apparently,almost all of ther Quentin Terintino DVD's have been stolen (and apparently this large chain store does not replace the stolen movies??) Stolen? for goodness sakes, stop stealing, and buy your stuff! (but that's another rant) She directed us to the Video Tape section and handed me the movie. I turned it over, as I am still astounded the rental stores still offer tapes. who watches tapes these days??Do you know what I foud smeared on the back of the tape? dried banana guts. all brown and shrively. What are they trying to do? Kill me?

Brother, being a good kid, took the movie from me to reduce my exposure. Who smears bananas on a movie? and what kind of store does not clean their merchandise?

I have only a few small blisters this morning and thankfully no swelling.

aparenlty I can be overcome with noodles and bananas.

HR Update

My mother still has hope that HR will be her future son in law. As far as I know he is still "trapped", but she has suggested inviting him camping for Easter. that would be just fine with me. I would still like to get to know him better. Apparently, his girl gave my mom the stink eye when she hugged him at his mom's funeral.
I did notice today that HR does not have a butt. I can live with that. Most men don't anyway.

get it out, get it out, GET IT OUT!!

You haven't really lived until you have seen your boss humping the flat file in imitation of brokeback mountain.

yeah.

Lesson for today

When someone tells you something that suprises you and your first thought is that you aren't naieve enough to believe that, and then you do believe it after very little convincing.

Trust your first instinct.

This has been a message from your friendly neighborhood monster.